I am a happily married, for fourteen years now forty three year old guy.  I knew from the starting gate my wife and I did not click sexually.  She does not like to make out like school kids and I do..she has a hard time getting lubricated..I suffer from PE.  Match made in heaven right.  I am on the brink of my first encounter and have done my homework.  I love my wife to death and we are best friends.  I have a need that is not going away and would be happy with a great make out session with a beautiful women.  I am a nervous wreck..I have been lurking for some time now and have several providers I have my eye on.  I can't seem to pull the trigger.  The "guilt factor"  is really getting in my way.  

I love reading your posts. They are spot on and I find myself in your camp nine times out of ten.  I would love to hear your thoughts.

Go For It  !!!!  Let us know how it went!!

Dear grinche,

First of all, thank you for your vote of confidence! As to my thoughts...well, they are simple: if you can't pull the trigger now, wait until you can. You'll just have to feel "guilty" until you feel guilty no more. There's no sense in pushing yourself just because you 'have to' do something. In the end, your need will overtake your guilt, and you'll do whatever it is you 'want' to do.

No one can give you absolution or a fool-proof method for how to approach the issue of insufficient sex. Each and every one of us is an individual, and we all have different threshholds for what our conscience will allow us.

And of course, for some, this wouldn't be a matter of conscience. It would simply be a matter of health. Like eating or drinking. Would you deny yourself food if you were hungry, and you had the money to buy it? Personally, I feel for those with penises and unsatisfied sex drives. I can just imagine what it's like being horny and not achieve sexual satisfaction. I think I'd go out of my mind! Quite frankly, I'm happy I'm a mature woman who isn't as motivated for sex as she was 30 years ago. God knows if I were a man. I might become a rapist! Or an escort client, LOL. [You can see where this is going ] I tell you, if I didn't get sex on demand - even if I'm not that demanding these days - I'd get very cranky and uncooperative!

Just remember this though: the one who controls the sex is the one who controls the relationship. And I didn't say it, a famous shrink named David Schnarch did.

Good luck when and if it happens,
the Love Goddess



-- Modified on 2/28/2007 4:13:16 PM

as a necessary evil that comes with all of the baggage society heaps upon us - sexual drive is normal in spite of what the puritans may say.  The desire to mate with more that one lady is also normal.
Having a session with a provider does not mean you don't love your wife, nor does it negate your friendship - those are things no one can take from you other than yourselves - and that is precious.

Really get inside your head and play the whole drama out to it's conclusion.  If you can handle being honest with yourself......

not because you have to.

It's supposed to be fun.

I'll put in my 0.02...

Pulling the trigger is hard.  After thinking about it and cruising TER and EROS for a while - I gave it a go.  First experience was a no starter...after starters I walked out...I should have never even gone there in the first place.  Looked around alot after that...and second time was great!

My suggestions are thus: firstly, be selective.  That may or may not be easy depending upon where you live.  Try to avoid high volume providers because you may then only just be "a stain on the wall".  Be careful about scheduling and cancelling - it's your right, but the ladies talk and you'll get a bad reputation and that will only hurt you in the long run.

In essence I am telling you find the ones who trip your switch....and call them.  Some providers are very willing to talk with you...tell them you're a newbie...and they'll help you out.  If not...then press on my friend.

Secondly, find a day and time period that works for you, in general.  Some providers just don't have availability at those times - or may be in a geographic area that makes it difficult.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid to call somebody.  Talk to them.  Check reviews for your safety.  Try to find the right match.  Once you do those things, taking the final leap will be a bit easier.

The last thing to remember is this - the ladies know what they're doing.  They'll put you at ease.  Just put one foot in front of the other...and walk.

Baby steps...as Richard Dreyfus would say....baby steps...

Best,

LDU

ditto, u have to do it to have fun, if u r overwhelemed by guilt, what fun is that.

I love this forum....people are so right our there..it is refreshing. Thanks everyone!!

eom

was that it was really kind of terrible, if I had to rate the performance, I'd give it a four, and that's being a bit charitable.

It's lasted for maybe ten minutes (The cost was $35, this was back in 1974)

I got a five minute crappy back rub using baby powder, flipped over and then got a quick hand job.  

The funny thing is that I just loved it and I can remember everything about it to this day, even the address and the apartment's layout.

The girl was kind of cute, even though she didn't even undress, she smiled nicely at me during the handjob and that, as much as the physical touch, got me off.  She was a thin blonde and quite pretty too. I think she was about as nervous as I was.

I came back the next week and got a blow job (BB!) for about $75, as I recall.  Still only about ten minutes total.

The point is, don't be afraid.  It feels good and gets better all the time.  Even thirty-something years later.

I suspect their memories of their first time are similarly vivid.

Would some lady like to start a new thread on that subject?

Both our male and female readership would enjoy that, I suspect.

eom

One thing I cannot recommend enough is to buy a lubricant and give it to your wife (at the moment) and see how things literally glide more easily from there.  Many women have this problem and while they think it is a failure (either yours or hers) to properly excite, it is a mere obstacle that a bit of cream will cure.  My wife now reminds me to buy the cream (she is too embarassed to do so) but I see this as a good sign although my pharmacist assumes I am gay! (LOL)  TOo bad because she is hot too!

Your wife, or the pharmacist?