Getting into this hobby has become way more complicated than I thought. I figured that you pick a lady, make your donation, have a good time and it's done, but having had sessions with at least a half dozen providers, I got more than I bargained for.

With all of them, I have remained in contact with, via phone, e-mail, or IM chat, as far as sharing routine events of life.

With a couple of them, one hour appointments turned into 5 hour sessions, which include having lunch or dinner off the clock.

One of them IMs me every day just to chat and tell me about almost everything going on in her life.

A couple of them have asked to meet me for lunch, one of them even offered to treat me!

Because of this, I find myself liking these women as friends and now find it difficult to even want to hobby with new "material." I almost feel disloyal if I do, even though I know it doesn't make sense.

Is this common? At first I was skeptical, thinking that this was a good business practice to keep good clients, but believe me, I'm pocket change to these women. Most I've only seen once in the last several months.

Am I doing something right or wrong??!

After my initial laughter at thinking your post was a joke as a way of broadcasting your legendary (at least in your own mind) sexual prowess or movie star looks, I had another thought.

Perhaps you are the one genuinely "nice" guy these ladies see among a lot of guys who didn't treat them so nicely.

If that is indeed the case, then I would have to say you are definately doing something right.

That depends, infomike,

Is it common to get involved beyond the stipulated time with a provider? I haven't seen exact stats, but my knowledge of this field leads me to tell you that it is not "common." Does it happen? Yes, of course. But statistically speaking, this board and the self-selected group which posts/reads the messages is small. Very, very small in comparison with the total millions of hobbyists in this world. And I have Staff's word on this, so I'm not making it up. In fact, an overwhelming majority of TER's members/lurkers do NOT read the discussion boards, much less post. They just use the reviews as a means of finding new blood, that's all.

Now, is it common among those who travel The Erotic Highway? Well, yes, judging from the topics posted since the board's inception in May 2006. But among all those who purchase sex for money, it's a minute group that gets entangled in this way, for better or for worse.

As to your doing something right or wrong, my advice is, "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." Simple as that. I've said it before, and I'm stating it again: the provider-hobbyist game is an intersubjective endeavor. If you transcend the common boundaries - for whatever reason - and reveal more of your psyche, you will always encounter someone who will reciprocate. In addition, being a provider can get very, very lonely. Needless to say, these ladies are human beings, not robots. If they are in need of friendship and emotional support and you're willing to give it beyond the hour/money/sex, they will gladly accept.

If you are happy the way things are and can maintain your sanity, why bother changing anything? If not, then quit seeing the women in question and simply change. There are some really hot providers out there, successful, classy, truly model material who know how to "play the game." They are not clingy or overstep their boundaries, and still, they make you feel wonderful in bed. But they titrate their responses very carefully and when the time's up, it's simply up. These are women who have other things going on in their generally busy lives and they have other things to do than to hang out with hobbyists post-time. Among the providers I've encountered, these are the career-minded types who go on to become lawyers, businesswomen, etc. and who use providing as a stepping stone. I guarantee that they are far too busy to IM you with their daily goings-on. And still, they will bang your brains out if you let them.

So it's up to you...are you a knight in shining armor ready for any damsel in distress [you may genuinely like this role and then there's nothing wrong with it,] or are you more of a player who practices the 4Fs [find'em, feel'em, fuck'em, forget'em] with gusto? Or someone in-between? As long as you are aware of the role you play and feel comfortable about it, there really is no right or wrong in this BUSINESS...

Yup, let's all say it again,
the Love Goddess

Since I enjoy the interactions I look at it as doing something right. Good sex from a reliable provider is relatively easy to find as are kind and respectfull gentleman...OK, maybe not THAT easy to find but both are out there.  What is hard to find for some women in this business is trust. A lot of these ladies won't have civvie relationships with men while they are involved in providing and frankly they get lonely! A gentleman client who can also be a good friend and companion is something that some, not all, ladies are happy to find. As long as it is mutual and not a figment of your imagination I see no harm...

I have to be honest, I feel no guilt about seeing new girls nor do I feel like I am cheating on my favorite ladies when I do. My two favs actually  like to hear stories about my adventures with new ladies...it can make for some very heated appointments.

Well if you ever feel like cheating... I'm always around.  

I like dating guys I've seen before. Obviously if I didn't enjoy the date there won't be a replay.  But if I did there's numerous reasons.

First of all you don't have to go through the uncomfortable period.  We know the other isn't a cop or axe murderer.

It's fun to grow more familiar with someone, to build a friendship that transcends the business.

I look forward to pleasing the guys I see regularly and to providing my home as a refuge and place to relax and recharge with a friend who cares and enjoys them.  I like to learn where you like your shoulders or foot rubbed.  And what turns you on.

But one problem is often hobbysits think that familarity means freebies, when providers are thinking "here's a guy I like who will take care of me."  

So if you are spending 5 hours "off the clock" I'd be really sure you are not just taking advantage of a girl who's afraid to say no.

That said a LOT of providers really ARE lonely and if you are a nice guy, as you sound, they probably  genuinely enjoy your company.  I personally have someone in my life to come home too, but the nights can get long for a girl who's only got a stuffed animal to hug in the dark after the men have all gone home to their warm homes and wives and families, and everyone needs a friend.

Hugs,
TS Jamie

I have a provider that I am more than just a hobbyist.  We enjoy our time together (on the clock), and at times I do favors for her.  you know, things that friends do.  We have discussions about our personal lives, and we truly enjoy our time together.

I do see other providers, but my one provider is above all the others, and that is ok.  I don't feel like its "cheating," but I don't bring that up either.  I don't want to hear about her other guys either.

She is lonely, and I am a good friend, and it is all good.  I know I make a difference, and she rewards me with friendship and great sex.

And TraniGirl is right, she still needs to make a living.  My girl will go over, but I keep that to a minimum.

Jamie said:
First of all you don't have to go through the uncomfortable period.  We know the other isn't a cop or axe murderer.

Why the bum rap??  We all have to make a living somehow!

I think all us halberd wielding folks should petition for our own National Day.

I should have mentioned that I definitely don't have movie star looks or any kind of unusual sexual prowess!

Several years ago I met a provider. After a single encounter we became frequent chat partners. After a short period of time and weekly encounters, we became friends.
After about 6 months of this, we became lovers (off the clock). And after about another 6 months we actually discussed moving in together and our children from previous marriages were introduced and became friends.
Over the years, we have separated for extended periods... I was married again for a short period of time and we still occasionally chat or get in contact.
To this day I consider her the one that got away... She has everything I could have ever wanted and I didnt make the commitment she wanted.
She has not been a provider for several years, but I know she still checks this site. SO if you are reading this... Give me a call, Id like to see you.