Love Goddess. I have read a lot of these posts and have learned a lot, mostly about myself, but I have a problem. I was abused/ molested when I was 8 and realize now that I spent most of my boyhood running from what I thought was a defect in myself, which I understand now was a totally wrong way of thinking and feeling. At any rate, I have come to the realization that for most of my life sex was not a pleasurable thing for me, but a way to prove my "manhood", and that feeling was always at the back of my mind. I understand now that sex, no matter how good or bad I am at it, does not control who I am, and I have found that sex now is much more pleasurable. I know I most likely need some sort of counseling, but I am in an area of the country that has very little to offer in this arena. Are there any online or call in services that are reputable? Not sure where to go from here. Can't talk to my wife about it because it seems in her southern baptist upbringing that all things pleasurable are wrong, as is talking about it to a third party.
It is very sad that you had to endure molestation and abuse as a child; however, it is a positive sign that you want to receive counseling to deal with the issue.
Generally, there is a therapist in every corner of the United States - have you searched social services in the nearest major city? On-line or call-in services would not be a good idea, since therapy for past abuse/molestation is much more in-depth than on-line or telephone service would ever be. You do need to get with a specialist in the matter.
Please check with the linked organization for support. There is a "find a therapist" button. There are also conferences, members and other people you can get in touch with. Highly recommended.
Alternatively, you can call the district attorney's office for victim's assistance. Yes, it sounds weird, but oftentimes such offices do have contact numbers for therapists. You need someone who has been trained in trauma and healing work.
Best of luck and please don't give up, The Love Goddess
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