I want to stop masturbating cold... I only want to release in a real woman. any suggestions? I would like to cure this retarded ejaculation syndrome.
Dear Goldenlight,
You will need to enter into the no mas masturbation program and yes, go cold turkey.
If you are flush with cash or have access to "a real woman," then you should have a discussion with her so that she can help you with this problem. My recommendation would be to meet with her once daily for sexual release. Doesn't matter if you ejaculate or not, just get habituated to her scent, her sexual scripting, etc. During this time - we may be talking 30 days, maybe more - do not masturbate. Remove all triggers, i.e. disconnect yourself from porn sites on the Web, remove any magazines, films etc from the home or office. It's the triggers that will exacerbate the behavior.
Obviously this will be a lot more difficult the less access you have to dyadic sex. If it's just you alone and maybe an escort once a month or so, then going cold turkey may be tough. But that is what you must do to deal with RE.
Cold turkey really is cold turkey, I'm afraid,
The Love Goddess
Do I have to give up reading stuff on Ter
Well, Goldenlight,
If reading TER triggers masturbational thoughts, then yes you do. Remember that you are trying to "store up" for a real event with a real person, not disperse yourself so that you lock up when you're having live sex with someone other than yourself.
Hope that helps,
The Love Goddess
After reading all these threads, I've tried going "cold turkey" several times in the hopes of recapturing the sensitivity and ease of arousal of my younger days. But each time I get to around day 3 or 4, and I start feeling so bad that I quit.
I feel lethargic, my sleep patterns get all disrupted, and I just feel out of sorts in a way that's difficult to describe. One thing's for sure, though, I don't feel like myself and I don't like it. As soon as I resume masturbating, I feel fine again.
Am I suffering from testosterone withdrawal (not sure if that's a real condition)? Do I need to give my body more time to adjust?
I should add, that since my father had prostate cancer, I've been following the recommendations of frequent release (5-6 times/week) since I was first made aware of the possibility that it could reduce your risk of prostate cancer. If I had to limit myself to live civilian women, at my age it would be about once every year or two that I could finally find someone willing to sleep with me, which just isn't acceptable. So, I'm messing with a masturbatory pattern that has been established for about a dozen years.
We are really talking about men who have difficulties with live females due to having established extreme masturbatory patterns, complete with stimuli that mainly entail images rather than real people. I do not advocate stopping masturbation to "recapture" sensitivity and ease of arousal from younger days - unfortunately that's not coming back unless you begin testosterone treatments. And even then, it's not a for-sure thing.
You best continue masturbating and feeling OK,
The Love Goddess
Can you view TER without clicking on links to those gorgeous ladies?
I agree that you need to retrain your body to respond to real woman sensations.
it works.
They don't pick 'em for their looks, ya know.
As an additive (rather than mutually exclusive) solution; I would suggest "mindfulness."
Male orgasm involves both voluntary and involuntary responses. The autonomic nervous system alone can trigger orgasm in response to stimulation; as has been shown with people with spinal cord injuries. But in people with intact spinal cords, voluntary control can override the autonomic response. This is why RE is sometimes called "overcontrol."
I am particularly prone to this because I did the "how to make love all night and make her beg for more" training several years ago. So, almost automatically, I exert control. But the average woman most certainly isn't interested in being penetrated for two hours waiting for me to cum either.
Overcontrol can be exerted consciously; but if done very much then the person has to learn how to relax that control.
It can also happen automatically, in response to concerns/worries. A big example is a guy who is worried about how he appears to his partner and is almost watching himself in the third person.
And it can be conditioned through overexposure to excessive stimulus tied to certain things. (Can also be used to induce fetishes in men; but not so much in women.)
Certainly, the no mas masturbation approach is a good idea IMO. It helps to avoid reinforcement of any conditioning; makes the need for release sufficiently urgent as to evade many of the more automatic distracting thoughts, etc. And sex with women-only can definitely condition a more suitable response. (Just think of the positive feedback!)
But I have found *mindfulness* to be a very worthwhile technique as well.
Especially when seeing a provider for the first time; I can be distracted by a variety of thoughts during sex. These distractions serve to inhibit orgasm. It probably isn't until the third visit with a woman that I am undistracted in most cases. (Though I've seen a couple for whom that was not the case.)
The solution is to be mindful and "in the moment." To push everything else from your mind and concentrate completely upon the sensations.
Sometimes, the visuals can be a distraction -- such as a woman during CG. Sometimes they can be an enhancement. If a visual is distracting, just close your eyes and FEEL. Concentrate on what is feeling good until it expands to be the only thing in your mind. Your entire universe is that feeling.
Pop!
The linked article is oriented mostly to females, but mentions the usefulness of the techniques for men with RE.