Friends, recently had a serious accident that put me in the hospital and led to my wife finding out about my extra curricular activities. She’s handling it much better than I expected ( the extra curriculars) but also jumped to some huge assumptions that I was “in love” with another woman. I think her biggest fears were that I was going to leave her, which I told her I had no interest in doing. I’d been trying to find a way to bring the discussion up with her recently and then the accident happened that put it in the open without any way to control the discussion or set context.
Accident happened a couple weeks ago and am close to being released after going through some physical and occupational therapy. Fortunately, I’m in good physical shape so my recovery is going well. However, with that said the doctors told me 3 months before I’ll be able to walk without assistance (crutches/walker). No my SB was not with me. She’s eager to see me after I get released. She came to the hospital to visit but was freaked out by the hospital and being there. She doesn’t know that the wife is on to me. Figured I’d wait til I got released and had at least one recovery date. 😋
Sounds like a nightmare we all want to avoid. I'm hoping you get back to normal soon.
As bad as this situation is, I have to think it could have been so much worse.
- Your accident didn't kill you.
- Your wife didn't kill you.
- Your SB didn't kill you.
I'm no relationship expert. But it seems you might want to focus on the marriage 1st, before you saddle up on your SB again. Maybe this is an opportunity to get the wife to agree to a an open relationship? Do you care if she's taking another guys dick if you're still planning on porking SB's? The fact that she didn't smother you with your hospital bed pillow when you told her you're not leaving may be a good sign - assuming she didn't call a divorce lawyer when she stepped out of the room.
Anyway, it seems you have a little time to get your strategy together before she makes any big decisions.
Life is good
The Cat
Once the spouse is on to it, you will either be divorced or monitored constantly. There are no more excuses for being out and about unaccounted for. So either you have to decide to give up the other life, divorce, or go for an open marriage.
I fully expect to full on monitoring. 😂
Thanks Herb,
It’s a long story as to how it came out and my situation. I knew when the accident happened that my wife would find out. Figured that out as I laid in a hospital bed trying to devise a way to keep my cover in place and realized it was hopeless.
1) hoping to salvage what I can. There’s a lot to our situation but hoping calmer heads prevail.
2) I would love an open marriage. I suspect I would get the better end of that deal. So likely not going to happen. 😂
I will likely continue my wayward activities since it’s my only source of fun. The bowl and mongering have been the only sources for 3 or 4 years now. That’s a whole other story 🙄
Like you, I had a major accident not too long ago. I too, was in pretty good physical condition. I’ll spare you details. But my recovery sounds significantly more uncertain than yours.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
#1 - Recovery comes first. All of your subsequent decisions will be heavily impacted by the degree and speed of your recovery.
#2 - As Cat says, from a relationship and life impact viewpoint, putting your marriage first is a no brainer. Losing a marriage has a pretty huge impact on your life. Proceed with great caution.
#3 - Once you’ve taken care of #1 and #2, then it’s time to think about your sugar bowl activities. Putting them ahead of number 1 and number 2 is almost certainly not going to turn out as well as you might hope.
Still, these are my thoughts. Only you can decide what is best for you.
My wife and I have been separated for about 15 years. I had left our computer open to the That Mall site, and she confronted me. I decided that, rather than make promises that I knew I wouldn’t keep, I’d just move out. It has worked out and I think we get along better than we did before. Although I felt guilty at first, I know we are both living our best lives and it kept my family together. There are lots of different relationships now that we are living longer and more affluent than ever before. Go slowly and keep your options open.
Good Luck! Believe that things will work out for the best.
And hope you have a full and speedy recovery. But if there's a lesson to be learned from this I believe it's this: The correct time to discuss extramarital sex with your wife is BEFORE you start doing it, not after it's been a secret for many years. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to putting this idea into practice. Many here have said they feel backed into a corner. Their wives no longer want sex, so they have to become celibate or cheat. I am more and more glad that I chose a different route. 20 years ago I sat down with my wife, told her I loved her and our marriage and would never do anything to threaten it, but that I really wanted more variety in my sex life and would she be ok with me dating escorts. She thought it over and said yes. It's worked out wonderfully. We've developed agreements that work for us, she's exersised her own right to date others as well, and our marriage is stronger than ever. Maybe this advice is too late for those who have been hiding their secret lives from their wives. But even so, take the time to think it over and advise the younger men you know and talk to. Just my $.02
Thanks sweet man. I know you and I chatted about this a few years ago. I understand your perspective and approach, wish I felt I could’ve done it that way. We’ll see how this all falls out. I know my wife is in shock and not sure what to think/do and even who she could talk to about it.
Do to the location of the accident, the injuries and timing I won’t see her for another couple of weeks. She came out to where I am due to injury. She still talking yo me about day to day stufff so 🤞.
Sorry to hear this news. Yes, this is a huge fear of mine for the wife to find out. Get better, keep your head down, and suck up to your wife. Living in the Valley in a studio by yourself while the wife lives on the hill with all your money isn’t the way to end a career. I hope it all works out for you bass man!
Not gonna give you a hard time… hindsight is always clearer.
The hobby games really are best either single or in an open relationship… but hey that’s life!
