This is embarrassing but I will be honest. I am 52 and I have difficulty ejaculating when I make love with my partner. I have no trouble with erection. She is attractive, willing, exciting and accommodating. But after a vigorous session, I tire out and cannot ejaculate. I can ejaculate when I masturbate, but I am applying the right friction or pressure. I don't seem to get enough friction when I make love to her. It is not her fault, although I wish she knew some tricks that escorts know. I have considered asking my doctor. What is your advice?

Sincerely.

ReIFFICULTY WITH MALE ORGASM

Yes, dprather,
I do think you should have a talk with your doctor. Many indvidual factors could be involved, certainly beyond the advice of this board.

We have discussed these issues in earlier threads here. It seems we have come to some consensus that age does have something to do with it, but it's merely one factor of so many. Diet, exercise, general physical condition, mood, it all plays a great part.

You say in your post that you "tire out" after a "vigorous" session. That could mean anything, from cardiac issues to just running out of steam from lack of exercise. Or, as you say, you don't seem to get enough friction. Change from male to female condoms? No condoms? Getting enough sleep? Stress at work? There are countless variables.

A thorough medical check-up is always a great start. Also, a long, intimate conversation with your partner is in order....or with the escorts who "know some tricks!"

Last, but not least, please let none of this be "embarrassing" to you. It could be something very simple, like blood pressure, lack of rest, etc. These are all physical conditions. Yes, you're 52, but that's not ancient either. It's most likely something correctable within the near future.

Go see that Doc,
the Love Goddess

By the way I see orgasm and ejaculation as separate and distinct events. Even when I have problems ejaculating I have sensations that feel like multiple orgasms.

I'm 51. I exercise, I watch what I eat; I'm healthy and fit. I have problem ejaculating sometimes. I've been trying to find the cause and I think I have finally found it.

If I don't ejaculate within the first few minutes of penetration I almost always cannot ejaculate at all; I think that's because I would worry about the time and whether she would be sore.

When my partner "attacks" me with a BJ at the start of the session and hot sex ensues, I get a erection quickly but I would have problem ejaculating.

If we start with a massage -- sometimes I massage her -- or we just lie down and talk as I stroke her body, sexual desire builds as I get a erection. When I penetrate at that point ejaculation comes easily.

I guess for me to ejaculate I need to be physically (erection) and mentally (relaxation and desire) in sync, otherwise I would be just pumping hard and eventually get tired.

So, taking it romantically and slowly works for me.

-- Modified on 8/17/2006 4:39:34 PM

Thanks for your good advice and words of encouragement. Thanks for taking the time.

For years, premature ejalculation was my bete noir.  About ten years ago, I got into tantric sex practices which allowed me to prolong my enjoymnent and remain erect for up to thiry minutes or more of various forms of sexual activity.  Lately however there are times that after that thiry minutes, it become difficult to finally ejalculate.  One very experienced provider told me she has seen this a number of time with men over fifty (I'm 53).

Like BB, I also love to massage and find it a wonderful way to achieve control and sexual contentment.

I now try to time myself and not wait too long to cum and always go for at least a two hour session so that I have enought cuddle time to recharge my batteries and have a second round.

I hope this helps.

ReIFFICULTY WITH MALE ORGASM

not enough friction?

sounds like you might be jackhammering your cock when you're whacking off.
Unless you try another entry hole like Greek, it may be that there's no vagina that will give you enough friction compared to your hand.

You don't mention your frequency for masturbating. If it's too often, you might be firing the gun just a little bit too much and lay off and see if you have a quicker trigger,

BUT as all guys age, I believe the trigger mechanism in the brain is slower and slower. Fortunately for me, I've been able to control my trigger so I can be either a sprinter or a marathoner. Lately though. I've able to go longer but my partners have had to take more time outs.

When I was a teen, I'd be able to shoot 3-4 times in just an hour....now that's only a distant memory

RH  
Try to lay off whacking off

ReIFFICULTY WITH MALE ORGASM

I'm only 44 and I have problems ejaculating during sex as well, and it's been on the increase over the years.  Some months ago, a provider and I were at it for almost an hour and a half and then I had to finish myself.

LG has mentioned that this might be a result of Retarded Ejaculation, a side effect of diabetes.  I also can't help but wonder if, like RH was talking about, I might be a little too...vigorous when it comes to handling myself (in addition to the diabetes issue).  (Now why am I feeling embarrassed? (g))

-- Modified on 8/18/2006 12:55:29 AM

ReIFFICULTY WITH MALE ORGASM

Not entirely seriously
The three ages of man (as opposed to woman)
Tri-weekly
Try weekly
Try weakly.
A skosh ahead (chronologically) of the gents who have kindly dated themselves, I have no longer any ambition - nor the ability - to belong to the first category. The second, however, feels quite comfortable, thank you.
I credit a physically active life style with some of this happy situation. The (big?) remainder may well be between the ears.

For Round 1, I will always be aroused quickly and I struggle to avoid blasting off too fast, i.e. 'I wish I could hold out longer'.

Round 2 is completely shrouded in mystery.  I will usually get an erection without difficulty but maintaining a real stiff one and being able to ejaculate again is hit and miss in terms of whether I can do this in 1-hour or 2-hours or longer.  It is in Round 2 that the negative impact of a condom rings true for me.  I cannot find the pattern of success (I know its not my partner at the time) so I struggle as I learn about myself as the age of 53, i.e. 'I wish I could cum quicker for Round 2'.

One thing I'm wondering is if it could be the type of condom used that's "inhibiting."  Most every provider I've met has used a latex condom - very sturdy, very safe, and as the session progresses, very constrictive.  

There was one time, however, that a provider asked me to bring the condoms. I went with probably the most known of name brands: Trojans.  Not only did it fit well but I could also feel warmth and pressure through it.  Within a few minutes, I ejaculated.  (Course, this doesn't explain why BJs don't bring me to fruition but there might be other (psychological) dynamics involved with that, too.)

Well, I can't tell you how reassuring it is to know that there are others with this issue. I'm 50, and in 7 appointments have only had two HJ orgasms. Here's the thing: I pretty much have to use viagra to stay hard, and I believe that the combination of the condom and the viagra makes it virtually impossible to cum. Viagra, for some, is like making a deal with the devil. You get hard, but you may not cum. What a deal! So, I finally talked to my doctor about this, and he believes the problem may be rooted in low levels of testosterone, for which there are treatments. He ordered a blood test to check this possibility. Low levels of testosterone can just kill your sex drive. It makes sense, because even in my younger days, a second cup was a virtual impossibility until an hour or two later. So, I highly recommend that guys with this problem have their testosterone checked by their doctor.

I'm wondering if maybe rockhard isn't onto something here.  I've had difficulties with attaining orgasm with a partner, and I've speculated that perhaps all those years in the wilderness [metaphorically speaking] engaging in solitary sexual gratification (or 'The Consolations of Philosophy', as my friend the scholar of Late Antiquity and I used to euphemistically refer to it) created a sort of behaviorally conditioned response that canalized my abilities in this area.  Would using a condom during masturbation help me develop a wider range of responses, perhaps?  Gah, if this is the source of the problem, the proverbial hairy palms might have been a lesser evil; those one could shave, at least.

although age has crept up one me, I stay in excellent physical condition by working out 5 times per week with cardio exersize.  My stamina is that of a 30-40 year old.  With help om the pharmacy, I can hold an erection for a good 1/2 hour for round 1.  And yes, I can generally ejaculate, however, so much depends upon the provider.  I will not cum if the is no physical/mental connection with the lady, or if she is purely mechanical.  My first session with my ATF who I see on a regular basis resulted in a no cum session.  She has to work a little harder from time to time, but the end results with two vey satisfied people lying body to body resting for round 2.
Gentlemen:  exersize and good nutrition are key ellements in enjoying a sexual well being.  As we age, I feel that there has to be some sort of bond between both parties.......unlike the old days of college when I would fuck anything that had tits.

. . at least for me.

The bond is very important; there must be attraction. Also I cannot rush into penetration and ejaculation; I must build up to it romantically, with my partner.

Sex actually is better when I get older.