Not long ago, I was with a lady, whom I have seen several times. She is completely UTR and does not participate on this board. Like me, she prefers passion and sensuality to the porn star experience. Well into our time together, I was
giving her a gentle massage, and I began to very lightly kiss her back. I heard her moan, but the moan turned into a sob, and she ran for the bathroom and slammed the door. Well, I was of course nonplussed  - this is a mature and
experienced woman, and we have discussed our mutual appreciation for tenderness. We have experienced such moments together before. I waited until she came out (about fifteen minutes). She told me that she could not continue our session, so I dressed and left as unobtrusively as possible. I received an email from her the next day, apologizing for
cutting our time short, but explaining as well that she would have to think hard about whether she could see me again. She did not explain, but I can only assume that the tenderness of the moment brought out some either painful or
conflicted feeling for her. I have explained to her, that I while I enjoy sensuality and passion, genuine tenderness - what I call a moment of perfect beauty- that I do not associate possessiveness with passion, that I am "safe" to be close to in this respect. I am not interested in controlling anyone, claiming anyone, or having a relationship. So I have to assume that she was not concerned about me becoming emotionally enmeshed with her, but rather that I crossed an
uncomfortable boundary with the lady. Not every lady (in fact not many) enjoys and actually invites this level of intimacy, or brings out this degree of a response from me. I can't imagine having a clinical discussion with a lady
about such things ie. "by the way, is it OK if I gently kiss your back and bottom while I give you a massage?" - kind of ruins the moment. And due to the constraints of my career, it is only during my time with the ladies, that I am able to
really live in the moment. Obviously, the lady in question has to sort out for herself what her response to the events described will be - nothing you or I can do about that. But regarding the other rare ladies that I have met and will
meet, who may share a level of genuine tenderness with me, what do you suggest, by way of discussion and preparation, without ruining the moment? I understand that many women are much more emotional about this kind of shared experience than I am. I respect that, and I honestly do not know how they manage their emotional life and stay in the business. And
I really do not know what more I could have done in this particular instance.... I guess I'm just confused, which is a bit lame, at my age and level of experience..... Your thoughts? TIA - Gregory

Here's what I think, gregory12,

Unless the lady were here, we'll never know what it was about your physical activity together that turned her into a sobbing woman. You think it was the kissing of her back - who knows? We could be playing guessing games until tomorrow, and never find out. It's truly useless to speculate.

I wouldn't worry too much about this isolated incident, and I certainly wouldn't change my sexual/erotic pattern with other providers because of it. No, dear friend, you just keep doing what you do and everything will be just fine. You don't have to have discussions or start worrying, because then the mood WILL be ruined.

This was an anomalous event, out of the ordinary, and her response was not the usual one. Just let it go and continue on your merry way and enjoy the hobby as it comes...

No reason to think too deeply about this one, since we will never know what set her off...
the Love Goddess

I overanalyzed an isolated incident and it is not a good idea. A provider told me I made her physically uncomfortable. I don't want to get into specifics but it was unintentional and we were not doing anything unusual. It apparently happened on more than one occasion. When she finally told me the extent of her discomfort I was shocked that I had not figured it out myself. I would never want anyone to experience physical discomfort with me. I thought her increasing distance over time was for another reason.

When I found out I immediatly became distraught. I was overly worried and self concious when I was with other providers.  I started contantly checking way to much to make sure they felt physically comfortable.

So I finally resolved in my mind that the problem I experienced was an aberration and nothing to worry about with others. My mind likes to play tricks on me

So gregory 12, I agree, just chalk it up as an isolated incident and enjoy. Thats what I am doing and it is working.

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:22:40 AM

Thanks for your thoughts - I acknowledge that the ladies reaction is hers alone to understand, unless she chooses to communicate. I guess my befuddled-ness (if there is such a word) comes from the fact that we have gotten to know each other a bit and have shared a lot of tenderness together. I'd hate to loose what we had been building, but if so, que sera. On the other hand, in my currently shell shocked state, I am a little inhibited to explore the possibilities with other ladies I see. In the end, I can only man up and let events unfold....  Cheers - Gregory

Your advice is sound - at the end of the day it is all one can do.  I don't know what I really hoped for when I made the post - perhaps in my respect for LG's insights, I expected some sort of explanation, but this was, I see now, unrealistic. Nothing to do but soldier on....  Cheers - Gregory

Hi LG - you are right of course. I was so distraught, and I respect your insights so much, that I had hoped for some mind reading I guess. Thank you for the reassurance. Nothing to do but be myself, and let the relationships unfold as they will. But I am all about giving sensuality and pleasure. I measure the success of an encounter by the pleasure I give, by how the lady is moved, more so than by whether and how often I get off. I remain somewhat shell shocked about events.  Thank you for the encouragement.... Cheers  Gregory

I had a somewhat similar experience a while ago. We were into the act in MS and her face got very serious and her eyes welled up with tears. We stopped and I asked what was wrong. She wouldn't tell me but it was a very tender moment for both of us. I saw her many times more before she retired and moved back to the Ukraine. She said she would come back but she hasn't and I still have tender feelings for her.

Mind-reading only goes so far. Unless she decided to see you again and tells you, you'll never know. From what you've said, it is more about her than you.

Her name was XXXX XXXXXX.  You never forget a name like that.

She had a big round face that was the most beautiful in the world I'll bet.

Unfortunately, we were not meant to be.

I sympathize with you completely.

-- Modified on 10/4/2008 5:55:52 PM

-- Modified on 10/4/2008 5:56:40 PM

Hi LG  Well, I guess the honest truth is, that I was so taken back by the situation, because the lady in question and I have gotten pretty close. I've continued to see other / new ladies but our relationship had gotten past the strictly professional. Two hour visits had become overnighters, and we've exchanged perhaps too many confidences. You can guess the rest. I'd be the first person to tell someone else to avoid this. And I've been in the game for 36 years now. But it happened. The lady and I have communicated. The situation is going to be a tough one. I had hoped we could back off a little, and preserve the best of what we've experienced. But this is apparently more difficult for the lady than it would be for me.
So I don't know how it will pan out. But I sure wish that we had figured out a way to limit or deal with it earlier on, and keep on enjoying each others company professionally without
any entanglement. It's just a fact of life that when you're enjoying each others bodies, and getting to know each other on a personal basis, the chance for emotional developments exist. So, put me down in the column of men who did not see this coming (or didn't want to), did not set and keep limits (or didn't want to). I've been "here" before (which led to a long relationship with lots of drama and a hard crash and burn at the end), and apparently have not learned my lesson...