me sad for you, you sound nice.  she sound nice.  but this is so entangled that me not much help... maybe love goddess can give us all a way out.... cause this happen a lot.

For some inconsequential thing, it's suddenly freak out time.  The next time we meet it's like it never happened and we're all lovey-dovey again.

The same thing goes on with my cat who is sitting beside me right now purring away 13 to to the dozen, but at any moment could (and has, I have the scars to prove it) taken a swipe at me because I had the audactiy to burp or something.

You have to take women (and kitty cats) the way they are and decide whether you can handle it.

Good luck either way you decide.

There's often no logic behind it.

I have been seeing my ATF for over a year and see her VERY often. I have had a similar circumstance more than a few times. She gets mad at me and would not even let me kiss. I need to apologize for no reason and then she is fine. On the other hand, I get upset about what she says sometimes and I almost stop seeing her.. Just like dating a civie, you know.

I guess that you need to choose which is more important to you at this point, friendship or intimate relationship. Or simply do not think too much and go with the flow for now.

Good luck!!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear gmr,

Unfortunately, this is a more common situation than one would imagine...although both parties involved are often loath to come forward the way you have done it. So first of all, let's all praise your detailed description of events and your willingness to be so open.

Secondly, this is a classical situation of blurred boundaries. Now class, let's all repeat together: KEEP THOSE BOUNDARIES INTACT! For the love of this business service (yes folks, that's exactly what it is, although a most pleasant one, if performed correctly,) never, ever, give your ATF more than the donation required. Period. You will feel cheated and hurt in the long run. I don't care what providers put on their "gifts lists." In my not-so-humble opinion, it comes across as establishing some kind of false intimacy and in the form of a superficial disclosure [ooh, yes, know ye all that my favorite perfume is xxxx, and my lingerie is xxx, etc. etc.] I'm surprised some gals don't put "and here's my social, in case you feel so inclined to pay my back taxes!"

Now, if you feel like giving a small Xmas or Bday present, that's another story. Nota bene, I said SMALL one. This job isn't about giftmongering, it's about providing a service for a fee. Now, your first faux pas was having "an occasional lunch date, just to spend some time with her." Ok, so she was getting a free lunch out of it. No donation, but still nicer than having to get takeout at Whole Foods or raiding the fridge for leftovers. Somehow, I don't think you spent your lunch date at Burger King, but hey, I could be wrong. So there was boundary violation number one. Even if no money was exchanged, you were still spending unremunerated time together. Remember, this is about buying and selling time and companionship.

Then comes the [EGADS!] violation number two. What on EARTH are you doing moving her furniture???? She's a provider, for cryin' out loud. If she's a good one, she's making a good living and can buy a condo...and hire movers. Maybe she makes more money than you do! Also, the liability involved if something gets broken or ruined...eek. But there you are, moving her stuff and being all gentlemanly. At no fee. And YOU were the one to do the asking! Had it been me, I would have lectured you and told you never to ask such silly things, and gone on with providing you with the best service possible. For the regular and customary fee.

Then we get to the total capper: you did some electrical work, your field of expertise, at her condo. And in return, she's granting you with something really special..doing ONE incall at her new home, which now is her sanctuary away from providing (she changed her listing to Outcall Only, yes?) So a funny thing happens on the way to the next simultaneous orgasm. You're out to celebrate, and go back to her now totally provider-activity free condo for some wallsocket sex [oops, sorry couldn't resist . And BAM, her emotions shut down. All of a sudden, HER boundaries are blurred, quite literally.

You see, in order to stay sane, providers have to compartmentalize. It's literally double-lifing it, unless you're totally public with your job. So here she is, in her real-life sanctuary, a place where she is her true self, with another name, another persona...and the job all of a sudden totally intrudes on that reality. And she can't handle it, and freaks out.

Now, the terrific thing is that she actually apologizes and also lets you know her true feelings: she can't see you there because two worlds collide and she can't take it. So she is being honest and wants to restore the boundaries where they used to be. And now it's become very difficult for you.

My dear gmr, it's simple: you need to understand that despite her being your ATF, she is still a PROVIDER, and not your special girlfriend. Yes, her mistake was engaging in boundary violations and she may end up paying for it by losing you as a client. But you need to understand that you are a CLIENT, and not her special boyfriend. No, you are not to see her on a "friendship basis," because I don't think she wants that. And, if you are asked to be brutally honest, do you think the intimacy was MUTUAL, or is this a projection of your feelings onto her? As to your speculation if the intimacy would be "cheapened" in another outcall location? Doubtful, because unilateral intimacy is not intimacy, it's a phantasy projection that sustains the moment. So...if you still want to have sex with her, it's got to be at a location of her choosing. She is not willing to let anyone into the world she has chosen to remain in when off-duty. Not even you.

Just tough love,
from the Love Goddess