Assembled Eroterati,

Although I have never seen a provider (yet), I have to say that one thing that attracts me to hobbying is the prospect of experiencing and touching a woman who I know I could likely not "have" otherwise. Whether they be impossibly beautiful or just a different type who wouldn't typically go for a moderately handsome geek programmer/artist like me.

Is this a common theme among other hobbyists?

Dear futurshoc,

The reasons for seeing providers are as many as the providers themselves. Interestingly enough, many providers report being frequented by some very "conventionally handsome" men who seemingly would have no problem attracting beautiful civvies. So what are their reasons then? Also, not all hobbyists are interested in "impossibly beautiful" women. Oftentimes, personality, warmth and an interest in the act wins over sheer looks. A peek at the ratings and also the results of a TER poll confirms this fact - many hobbyists prefer a woman who may not be "gorgeous" to look at, but delivers a bang-up performance, all with a smile and a genuine interest in her client.

Perhaps the novelty of seeing a beautiful woman who will yield to your wishes has your phantasy going..as it should! And maybe that is what will motivate you in the future as well, who knows. But if you ask most women worth their salt - providers or not - kindness and courtesy wins over surface packaging every time. And just maybe, it's the same among hobbyists. A plain woman who is giving and uninhibited in bed wins over a gorgeous ice queen in the long run... and the TER ratings prove it.

Aw shux, I'm not a guy, and I took a stab at it,
the Love Goddess



-- Modified on 11/30/2006 3:59:36 PM

I sense that many of us enter the hobby for varying reasons, and we stay engaged for varying reasons, and finally we leave for varying reasons. However when we are engaged in the hobby then fantasy fulfillment is certainly a neat sidebar benefit even if it was not a given hobbyist's sole reason for playing in the first place.

Needless to say those fantasies come in many flavors but enjoying sex with someone that may  otherwise fall into a previous 'It could never happen to me' category is up there on many of our lists.          

In this vein I sometimes argue with fellow hobbyists about the superlative '10' review ratings in appearance and performance that signify 'Once in a Lifetime'.  Some argue that such designations should almost be taken literally and awarded rarely if not just once.  I actually laugh at that notion.  The hobby allows one to attain once in a lifetime experiences time and time again if that is what you are seeking.  If someone is looking for the most beautiful or the wildest or the very different then the hobby ptovides that opportunity....over and over again.  

futurshoc, I assure you that you would be hard pressed to define an unattainable woman type that doesn't swim in our ocean.

The common perception is that a guy has to be a ten in order to get a gal who is a ten.

In reality, it doesn't quite work that way.  I see plenty of gals who are tens hanging with gnomes or worse, and vice versa.

Chemestry, personality, money and power are all much more in play.

To make it even more confusing, many of us underestimate our assets; men and women both.

I was extremely shy in high school.  I considered myself awkward at best and homely.
I drooled over girls that I considered babes and didn't even try to pursue them.
Later, I found out from one that she had the hots for me all the time and wished she had been cool enough to approach me, but she considered herself too homely and uncool to do so.

So, is hobbying about fullfilling the fantasies of our school days?  Yes, but it's a lot more than that.

In short, the situation is so screwed up that it's amazing that anyone ever hooks up with anyone else in the first place.

Oh well, I guess that's what alcohol is for.  

Yes, I suffer from female brain envy. LOL.

I am currently reading *The Female Brain* by Louann Brizendine, a neuropsychiatrist. By female brain, I include not just intelligence and emotion in that nerve center, but its expression throughout the female soul, eyes, voice, verbal language, touch, body, body language and female appetites. I can never attain the knowledge of the female which Tiresias possessed. Then again, it led to his blindness (indirectly - it enraged Hera). I will stick with TER.

The hobby, and the TER resource, offers me a way to meet a few amazing, highly individual women, each uniquely different, in a relatively short time (versus meeting a woman months or years from now in a chance encounter). Of course, to me, it is good that in the hobby intimacy is a highly predictable attribute of companionship.

By *short time* I do not mean my goal is rapid turnover or quantity of experiences. I just mean the shorter period it takes to find and to start to build a valued friendship.

My marriage is of enormous value to me. My wife is my best friend. She is one of the most brilliant, creative, affectionate persons I know. However, there exists in my marriage the well discussed post-menopause eclipse of sex (and physical pain of sex) in our relationship. Of course, I feel the cognitive dissonance or compartmentalization the hobby causes me, but I could never consider the stress, huge falsehoods and entanglements that an affair or even a mistress would involve. I would never want to replace or lose my wife.

An unusual factor in my quest for knowledge of goddesses on earth (at this later point in life) is that in my youth I was raised by fundamentalist parents who had me convinced that there could be no physical contact with the opposite sex outside of marriage. This included dancing, kissing or holding hands. I was brainwashed into believing that God had chosen a woman for me to marry. I merely had to wait until he introduced us. The ultimate arranged marriage.

It is both funny and sad to look back on my freshman and even sophomore college years and see the trouble this caused. Dates who were attracted to me and began passionately to kiss me were startled to find me thinking they must be in love with me and thus were God's chosen mate for me. Boy did this dampen their interest suddenly!  I torpedoed a tragic number of golden opportunites for sexual enjoyment this way.

Years later, am I trying to recapture (artificially) the remembrance of things past - things which might have been?

Love Goddess! Help! Am I trying to pour new wine into old skin?  (The metaphor does not imply I enjoy only young providers. Not true!)

The following verse holds a warning for me. LOL.

Luke 5:37,38  No one puts new wine into old wineskins, or else the new wine will burst the skins, and it will be spilled, and the skins will be destroyed.  But new wine must be put into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved. No man having drunk old wine immediately desires new, for he says, *The old is better.*

The old is better. Did not Ben Franklin also say that?

Such reading pleasure, codpeace,

And I mean your posting! As for your question - trying to capture the adolescent corrective emotional experience - I don't believe that is entirely possible. Any experience you have now as an adult will be filtered through years of added insight. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun! And it seems you do! We have had other threads on adolescent and young adult sex here, and it seems that there is/was no use crying over spilled milk, since some of it was definitely of the more sour variety.

Have fun recapturing,
the Love Goddess



-- Modified on 12/1/2006 7:43:11 AM