Or perhaps the correct form is: When do YOU start calling her your girlfriend?  

 
Coming up on my 3rd anniversary with my #1 SB, a Viet Spinner who was 19 when we met. She's going to be 22 next month and will be graduating university with her BA degree.  A few months ago, she casually mentioned that she's been telling her mother (roommate) that she has a boyfriend; an older boyfriend.  I'm not looking for or expecting any invites to meet the "fam" and have not let my contemporary (i.e.: civilian) friends know about her.   I can't say I really have a problem with this term after three years, as long as she's not stapling any additional expectations to that label.  

 
My last long-term SB (4 years - spanning before, during, and after COVID) started calling me "boyfriend" after a while as well. So did my long-term SB (3 years) before that.    

 
What does this milestone event (is that the correct term?) signify? I'm not sure beyond the assumption that it shows she is comfortable and satisfied with our arrangement and probably has no current plans to end it.  

 
I will admit that overall, I like being called her "boyfriend." It emphasizes the "dating" aspect and reduces the "transactional" aspect of our relationship without actually changing expectations or commitments.  Although I have most definitely been banging "side" SB's (read my recent post on the Philippines, and on my Porn Star SB's) all along the way and will keep doing so.  

 
I will close by citing my own warning: All arrangements end.  In the past when I had to end an arrangement that had progressed to the "boyfriend/girlfriend" stage the breakup was certainly more emotionally difficult for them, although both ended up with amicable results - eventually (as I've also said in the past: Never burn bridges).  

 
What about you? Have you ever faced the boyfriend/girlfriend label issue?  What did you do? Why did you do it?  

 

Life is good

 
The Cat

During a recent meeting with my ATF regular provider, she said "I love you".  

 
This caught me by surprise and scared the crap out of me.  One of the reasons that I'm not more active in the bowl, is that I can't risk any emotional attachments that may result in drama.  I immediately sat her down and told her, "I love the time that we spend together.  And, I hope that it continues for a long time.  But, I cannot allow myself to fall in love with you."  To which she said, "I'm not saying that I'm "in love with you".  It's just easier to say that I love you rather than say I love when we're together."

 
Color me relieved (and somewhat humbled).

It's kind of a truism of life that it's difficult to pair bond with someone who is sleeping around.  Hence the dramas of love triangles, etc.
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So the mere act of engaging with SB's, either regularly or irregularly, likely means they are unavailable to the more standard dating relationships with potential long term mates.
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It's not particularly surprising, then, that some attachment might develop on either or both sides.  
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So for me I kind of prefer to keep it somewhat "transactional."

These are good points to consider.
It is true that guys are 'wired' to 'spread their seed' but at the same time both men and women want to feel a 'connection' and a sense of belonging so something other that ourselves.
I think the reason we're in the sugar bowl is to get that sense of connection and belonging without the entanglements and jealousies that affect traditional relationships.  This is the challenge we have to manage -- getting close to someone without taking over each other's lives. Of course if you have those relationships already you may want something purely transactional to ease the pain.
As far as 'love' goes -- that's a tough one. I think it's essentially a chemical reaction that makes us feel great and lousy at the same time. It's been a while since I felt that and yes it could be a scary thing to navigate. I think brownjack has the right attitude here-- we love our time together but can't lose control. In a way I love my SBs because they make me feel good and I feel good about myself when I can help them.. but it can be kryptonite!

I had trouble with that. Now I say. I love fucking you.  It’s true, and it relevies from anything that might follow

Wanted to wait till I had a good amount of time to type up a real response.  

Most girls will tell your friends you are dating or your her older boyfriend to hide what's really going on.  That's usually when their friends figured out she's seeing someone since she isn't around to party as much.  It's more not telling friends or family she has a sugar daddy or is escorting.

I have 3 real experiences where we were boyfriend/girlfriend.  2 were awesome, 1 was horrific.

Current SB is my girlfriend.  We decided just before the two year mark to make this a relationship on top of everything.  I pay her rent.  We see each other every week.  We text and talk almost every day.  She's met my family.  I've met some of hers, her family is huge so meeting all of them is impossible.  Her mom also has a thing for older guys so she's cool with it.  Her brother was not at first, but she reminded him how he treats girls and told him how I am to her.  She has a very active social media, I have access to all of her accounts. She loves not having to hide anything with me. She deleted her SA account in front of me and then told me she loved me.  We've had lots of ups and downs when it was casual.  She is ok with me seeing a limited number of other girls.  But she knows about it, she'd rather know who I'm banging with the option of a threesome if she ever decides to plunge.  Right now, we are in a great spot.  We both focus on our careers and each other.  Respect each other needing time to ourselves and having friends.  I even text with some of her friends from time to time to know what they have going on.

During Covid I was seeing a girl in college.  She would regularly stay with me when the campus was shut down.  It was great.  She had serious daddy issues so having an older boyfriend was great for her.  For me, I had a girl who loved sex and was hot as hell.  We got very comfy. It fell apart after something horrible happened to her.  She's still in therapy for.  I think you can guess what, I'm not going to say it.  We keep in touch from time to time but she hasn't dated, as far as I know, in three years.

The horrible incident, IF I HAVE A WARNING THIS IS IT SO READ HERE IF NOT THE WHOLE POST!!!!

She lives a little over two hours away.  We hopped on video chat for a while and hit it off before meeting.  She told me she was looking for one daddy but had open relationships before.  I told her I was not interested in seeing a girl who was seeing other people.  She promised I would be the only one if it was consistent.  We both agreed to that.  She said she has a close friend, who is a guy, but promised he was just a friend.  I met him through video, he's old, fat, ugly and broke.  Can't even keep a job as a janitor.  Not wanting to judge her friends, I just assumed he was no threat.  She said she was a model and worked in film.  She had a few photo shoots online and somewhat of an imdb so I was like sure, that's a gig.  Now, being i her mid 30s, having 600 Instagram followers and two direct to DVD movies as crew on her belt was garbage.  But hey, I wanted to see where it was going.

She would always come to me, she lived in the ass end of nowhere and said her place was a shit hole so I got it.  We saw each other a few times a month consistently.  Sex was great.  Then she got a 'job' and was working some ridiculous hours.  Somehow it was 14 hour shifts so she could never see me on off days from being too tired.  With those hours she was still, always broke.  I finally lost my patience and made her make a budget with me and things were not adding up.  After putting pressure on her asking me for money and not seeing me, she 'quit' the job to visit me more and get back to a ppm allowance.  Things went well for a while and she started telling everyone I was her boyfriend.  I met some of her friends.  Who I found out later were also forced escorts.

So, long story short, this guy friend, was her boyfriend.  They were living together.  Her phone, car, and every other bill was in his name.  She was paying his rent.  The jobs she was working long hours was when he forced her and other girls to escort out of shitty hotels.  They would binge on drugs.  Then clean up.  Go see their SBs so the boyfriend could chill.  When he spent everything, back to the hotels to binge whore.  

I'm sure you all will be shocked when the police didn't do anything.  

The real lesson learned,  
-Before you cross that bridge of making it a relationship, follow up on everything.  
-Make sure there is no bullshit there.  Girls will say they are exclusive and you are just a client.  Don't be a boyfriend/client.  Pick one and enjoy
-Do some background research.  If she refuses to give you anything on her, then she's probably a scam so keep her as a pocket SB not a gf.

In this case, all she was doing was making sure the paycheck kept coming.  She was never in love with me, even though she said it, she was never going to stop being a prostitute and drug addict.

Thanks for sharing these stories, netnoy.  

 
I can't imagine the pain you experienced with the second SB you mentioned. And I celebrate your happiness with your current (former) SB now true girlfriend.  

 
I suppose if nothing else these demonstrate fully that Sugar Dating really is dating, as I can see each scenario you describe happening even without the structured allowance context.  

 
About the "forced escort" girl, it also serves as a stark reminder of our responsibility to be aware of the possibility for trafficking abuse even when mutual consent appears to be established.  

 
This went a bit deeper than I had intended for this topic. But an important discussion nonetheless.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Didn't mean for it to go dark.  But I've talked about the problem one in the past.  I've done everything I can to help her out of her situation.  She refused to leave.  

I also mentioned the going great one.  It's rare to date someone less than half my age has a personality you can mesh with long term.  That's the real perk of it.

It hurt a lot when she told me what happened to her.  Sucks feeling that powerless for someone you care about.  She has a long road still to recover.  Guys still have the easier part.  

Within a first 2 years. My guess, of course but YMMV$

I'm still relatively new to sugar dating [less than a year] so I can't give the benefit of much experience. So far I've had several SB's who approach girlfriend status in my mind and the SB's seem to treat the relationship as such and promise exclusivity and claim their love in various degrees but I always have to keep in mind that statistically they most likely aren't exclusive and that most relationships in this dynamic are short term transactional ones and will end more likely sooner than later.  

While my Ego and mind want to believe these young pretty playthings are madly in love with me and the incredible sex will last until I am finally laid in the grave with a smile on my face, the reality check is that if the money stopped, so would the 'love.'  

We're built to pair bond and build baby-making nests with fertile young women, so it's difficult if not impossible to turn off innate drives that easily. One must temper one's fantasy-building tendencies with a healthy sobering dose of realism.  

Enjoy her for today, she will be gone for any number of reasons soon. She is young, hot, healthy and strong. You? Not so much. Grab a bite of sweet fruit on your fall down the abyss and enjoy. Gravity will have the last word.