Interesting issue, goodgirlinLA,

From a confidentiality aspect - YES - it's safe. Your therapist can only disclose to others if you intend to harm yourself or harm others, or if you abuse children or elderly. If there were to be a court case, the therapist would have to avoid subpoena (and believe me, any therapist would) and be ordered by the judge only to release records. So legally, you're safe.

The judgment aspect? I cater to the sex work community, so in my case, it would be pretty ridiculous. But I have personally experienced and also heard about therapists who are very judgmental about prostitution - in fact, one client reported to me that her ex-therapist had told her in session, "don't be so glib about all the money you're making - I might want to make that kind of money myself, just not flat on my back!"

I would assume you know your therapist and have a therapeutic alliance with him/her by now. If s/he tells you something you're uncomfortable with, then you should let him/her know. Of course we all have judgments, and it goes both ways; I had one client who was shocked that the ringtone on my mobile is Alice Cooper's "School's Out." The client assumed that I was a peaceful, New Agey type who listened to Andreas Wollenweider harp music, or something like that, lol. By the same token, I find out things about clients that make me go "hmm" - it could be something so simple as their taste in food or entertainment.

But the real issue is that if the therapist does happen to be judgmental about your job, then s/he could make it into a therapeutic issue and focus on it unnecessarily. Many therapists do see sex work as a sign of something deeply "wrong" and figure that sex workers are damaged in some way. If that happens, then it's up to you to ferret out where the conversation is going. If you find yourself defending your position with some vigor and the therapist just won't let go of the issue, then yes, it's probably time to find a new therapist.

Best wishes to you on your therapeutic journey,
The Love Goddess

Hi LG,

I've been escorting for about 3 years now and I wanted to visit a therapist to work out some of my self-esteem and boyfriend problems, but I think that it is important to be honest about what I do so the therapist can help me properly, but is this a bad idea, due to the illegal nature of the profession and maybe, the judgement aspect?

Thank you!

GGINLA

Try ringing up 2 Live Crew next time and watch their expression.

8o)

...writes about going to see "a therapist."  She should definitely get recommendations from friends or other therapists to find one who specializes in treating providers.

Just as there are attorneys or doctors who specialize in certain areas, I'm sure there are therapists who do so as well.  In fact, I know an attorney who specializes in representing providers.

Lg,
The link below is a place to start.  I have the same couriosity about that. Any professional I have brought that subject up to gives a "Look" of disapproval, and then they will comment.  Then I reget bringing it up. Only if I had a doctor or therapist that I've seen for many years, and trust, would I even think about it.  My rule is the less people that know about this the more protected you are from incrimination. Just depends on your philosophy.  Question: If you removed the Escorting from the situation, would you still have the same problem? If the answer is Yes, then I would just replicate a similar scenario to your therapist that touches on what you feel is the problem. Or use a prime example as to whats troublng you. That could bring a pertainent answer.



Hope this helps,

Suzy

LG, you are just getting cooler by the minute in my book!

Outcome studies show that the quality of the therapist-client partnership is the most important predictor of a successful result for the client.  Second most important is the client's motivation for change, and only third is the "type of therapy" offered by the therapist (for example, cognitive behavioral vs psychodynamic). This last fact is to the chagrin of therapists who feel that their "type of therapy" is the only "good" type.

If you feel that your therapist is being judgmental, then the partnership between the two of you is threatened. If this happens, you can tell the therapist how you are feeling, and then gauge not only their initial reaction, but also whether over time you continue to feel uncomfortably "judged".  If this is still happening, then drop the therapist, and find a new one who you can work with.

On the issue of illegality, you are in no danger from being a provider (nor would someone else be from being a client of providers).

LG, for years I've been trying to compile a list of therapists available in my area that are not only open minded but cater to people whose sexual preferences strafe the norm. What was surprising is how few options we actually available for people with aberrational sex lives. From sex workers to kinky people to poly folks - it seems it's hard to find a open-minded resource especially if you're outside the SF and NYC area.

But for those who are:
SF: http://www.baytherapy.com/sexuality

Maybe it's worth a drive or Jet Blue flight?

it helped her bring out the issues she new she had, just like some, struggling with what she does for work and how she has to lie to her loved ones all the time. and her bf issues...textbook case of having her wires crossed, always drawn to bums and losers just looking for money or sex, essentially a leech.  she knew it, her therapist knew it, hell, i knew it.  all this was brought out in the first session as i took her there myself, waited, and she talked about it.  it looked like it would do her some good.

but... there was a huge problem. she could not stop lying to herself, she knew the issues, but alas, she chose to ignore them and as her therapist said: its great that you are here, but I am limited as to what i can do as long as you are unwilling to face the reality of your situation, and stay in your world of pretend.  moral is, if you find a good therapist, thats half the equation, the other half is you willing to put in the work. this girl was not, and needless to say, its been an unhappy story for her. it was emotionally draining watching someone you care about spiral out of control into a dark place...got a pimp, had a kid with said bf, promised her she wouldn't have to work anymore, stopped drinking and pills. baby is born, back to work she went. and she can;t work without drinking (she does this as a means to an end,and she gets through it however she can, with booze and prescription meds). i think that would be the darker side of this thing we do.

Oh wow, that's an awesome resource!

And I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were based in LA. I'm just getting to learn the bounds of your awesome

most others have said. But, I few things keep coming to mind that I can't seem to let go of.

First. It's true that you do have confidentiality with your therapist, as long as you are not a harm to yourself or others, however, if you are seeking a new therapist, be cautious if you have minors living with you. All therapist are suppose to understand reporting laws, however, some who are just starting out, if they are insecure or in doubt, often call the Department of Child Protective Services, or whatever it's called from state to state, and ask them if they should make a report. The worker they ask may have the opinion that the nature of your work could put the minor in danger and recommend reporting you.

Second. Find a therapist who is not of the mindset of feeling like s/he is in the business of saving you from yourself. But rather, having both of you come to an understanding of how you experience yourself and the world around you, and how that influences your motives for doing, or not doing what you do.

Third. Some therapist are voyeurs. If s/he seems to be too interested in your work, s/he is getting some of his own needs met through your telling of your experiences, and is likely to, at times, put your needs on hold. You can usually tell when this is happening because you'll feel s/he is too intrusive and,or you get kind of a sick or queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Forth, and final. Don't try to go on the cheap. Though finding someone with many years of experience is no guarantee, you are more likely to get a none judgmental therapist if you choose one who is well seasoned.

-- Modified on 7/1/2011 6:21:36 PM

If you find that the therapist is judgmental, take it as a sign that it's the therapist who is having the problem, not you. Decades ago, I went to a therapist to discuss how to handle my (then new) diagnosis of bipolar. We were new to each other, too. She literally walked out ten minutes after the session began because SHE couldn't handle my admittance to being into BDSM. It was several years later that I finally understood that it wasn't about me in that instance even though she made it feel like it was; it was all her.

When you find a therapist who clicks, then (figuratively) embrace her / him and make the most of your sessions.