This maybe a rather strange or uncommon subject coming from a man, but I'm just looking for comments on this particular scenario. Anything from you LG would be great!

I am an above average attractive man, although due to extreme shyness which I suffered and which consumed most of my younger years, I did not know this for a very long time (not until my late 30s). Through most of my life I could not figure out why people, especially women, treated me in a certain way. As if I was stuck up or something (which is so very far from who I am). I couldn't understand it. Women would not give me the time of day. And since I was extremely shy, initiating a simple conversation to show them what kind of person I really am, was out of the question. And that only made things worse.

I'm 44 now and have begun to understand the "whys" and the "reasons" behind all this, and it doesn't bother me that much anymore. Although I do feel a bit of resentment towards myself for letting all those younger and primetime years pass me by as I sat hiding in my shell.

Anyways, I'm in the process of scheduling my first GFE and I was a bit concerned about how she might react when she first sees me. The reason I say this is because, experiencing awkward reactions due to my looks is something that I'm all too familiar with. I can't count the number of times I've told a woman in the bar that I was unattached and she looks at me as if I'm full of shit and lying through my teeth. How could someone like me be unattached? I would have no answer and she'd turn and walk away. If a provider sees an attractive man walk in, does she not assume something is wrong? Why would he (especially if he's single) want to pay for something that he could easily get for free? Of course, what they don't know is that in reality it doesn't work that way. I'm proof of that. I just want to avoid the "Is he being honest" first time impressions. My own honesty and sincerity is one of my best auras. I'd hate to have it shattered all over my head before I even get to know her. Any thoughts?

Do you think women don't treat you well or hit on you because you're too good looking?  They hold your good looks against you?  They think you wouldn't be intersted in them because you were too good looking for them?

It's funny how personality plays a part in all this.  You say you're shy, people pick up on that but they don't know if you're shy, uninterested, snobby or what.  Sometimes it's not the best looking person in the place getting all the action, it's the most gregarious.  People can tell whether or not you are going to be easy to approach or whether or not you want to be approached.  No one wants to be rejected so they are drawn to people who have given them a certain look or whose body language says, "I'm open, friendly, I want people to come to me!".

I don't consider myself a beauty queen but I know I'm attractive.  Still, I am rarely hit on by strangers.  I don't look around the place, have eye contact with strangers or open myself up to being approached by a stranger. I don't like being randomly hit on.  I've been told numerous times that I am unapproachable based on my body language.  Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly open and friendly with people I want to be with, but being hit on by a stranger is usually bothersome to me.

I have a few friends who define gregarious and leave almost every public establishment having been hit on by at least one person.  They aren't necessarily attractive but they put themselves out there and let it be known they want to be approached.  I also have a good friend who is gorgeous, great figure, blond, smart, tan, successful, classy, every man's dream.  She is also very outgoing and is hit on and oggled by every straight man who sees her.

I have the feeling that if you put yourself out there, opened yourself up, let it be known you want to be met, even if you weren't attractive you would be perceived differently.  But that's just not everyone's persona and that's OK, too.  

Believe it or not, providers do see attractive men.  As long as they are gentlemen, good looks are just gravy.  Not all of these attractive men are married or even shy.  Some don't want to deal with all of the BS of getting a date and some are too busy to bother.  

Best,

Kate

You've scheduled a GFE provider and you're worried about how she might react to your great looks?  She's a professional, man!  She'll react just as she would react to me.

It cuts through the BS that otherwise stymies a fine person such as yourself.

Of course, some will say that the hobby is not reality and that it doesn't really count, but that's for each of us to decide.

Why are the common head games that people play to get laid any more real than doing some research, showing up with an envelop and having a great time?

Yours is an unusual case and I'm not sure that I've heard it before, but thanks for sharing it.

Dear Terry417,

It is great that you are able to share your concerns with us, particularly since they have been so long-standing!

Shyness is an inherited character trait. There is a researcher, Jerome Kagan, who has made it his life's work to study shyness in children. It appears that it has very little to do with the environment, and much to do with DNA. These days, if shyness is spotted in very young kids, efforts can be made by family and school(s) to help the child develop his/her more "gregarious" side, in order to help with smoother socialization. Since you're 44, it doesn't surprise me that you feel resentful for those lost years.

But take heart! You are now aware of the issue, and it doesn't bother you so much anymore. And I bet you're not as shy! Shyness tends to go away in adults, although some suffer the after-effects of their childhoods in adult relationships. It's great that you have come out of your shell and can put your good looks to use!

As to the GFE provider, if her reviews are any indication, she will be the consummate professional and treat you with respect, kindness, and interest. No, she is not going to assume that you are "full of shit and lying through [your] teeth," because her agenda is to please you, whoever you are, and not engage her bullshit detector so that she can get some sort of personal detective work going.

What she will be interested in, is that you both have an enjoyable time. Of course, your looks will be an added bonus. Who doesn't like an attractive person to consort with? As to being unattached, why, Hollywood is full of fabulous looking people who are unattached and play the field. Several very single male actors have been found in many an escort's roster throughout the times. Men like to have fun with women! And why shouldn't they? Is anyone thinking it's weird that George Clooney is unattached? He has publicly stated that he has no interest in getting married. And he is older than 44!

This seems to be more of a personal issue for you than it ever will be for a provider. Remember that she is not out there to find a marriage partner, she is there to perform her duties and functions as a professional...which means no matter what you look like or say, as long as you are a gentleman, you will have a lady in your arms for as long as the time is agreed upon. So go forth, ENJOY the fact that you are hot looking, and see the pleasant expression on her face as you walk through the door!

Have FUUUUN,
the Love Goddess

I find that amazing.  I always though my shyness was as a result of being the middle child in a family of eight.  My wife was very shy also as she had very over-protective parents even though she was an only child.

On the other hand, my son would insist upon introducing me and himself to strangers on an elevator.  Where did he get those genes? (I know, I know, the mailman.)

Yes, mrfisher,

Shyness is a heritable character trait. For your enjoyment, and if you have the time, I have attached a link to a transcript with Jerome Kagan. There are some goodies on variability in children you might enjoy reading.

Always a pleasure,
the Love Goddess

KateBishop> but being hit on by a stranger is usually bothersome to me.

Exactly! And this has been one of my long time inhibitors to opening up and being friendly to a stranger. Watching the guy next to me trying to hit on a woman, and seeing the flood of annoyance written all over her face makes me think of one thing and one thing only. I don't want to be like that. I don't want someone else to even think I'm one of those guys. I guess that's a good trait, but unfortunately it has the tendency to give fuel to the part of me which wants to suppress gregariousness. I think that's my "left" brain.

KateBishop> whose body language says, "I'm open, friendly,

I know. You hit it dead on the head Kate. I've been working on that particular subject for several years now and have made some very good progress. You should of seen me 8-10 years ago.  I've come to the conclusion that if I want any chance at all, I need to work harder then most people, due to my "handicap". And don't laugh at that description, it's more true than you might think.

I really appreciate all your input. So much of what you said hit it's mark. Thank you.

If I'm ever in Seattle...

~terry~

Love Goddess> And I bet you're not as shy!

Yes that's true. I even have a tattoo on a certain place of my body that honors the year I finally broke out of this. I still need to work on other things but it's coming along. By the time I retire, I should have it down pat.

What you said about a provider was very helpful. I guess I was hoping that it would be like this, but I was uncertain. Thank you.

~terry~

Better watch out for that mailman.
How's it go? Nor rain, nor sleet, nor snow. Sounds like it's an everyday watch.

~t~