My neighbors wife has been flirting and coming on to me for the past few years. This summer when her husband was out of town she came over and asked if she could use the pool and get some sun on the pool deck. I said sure go ahead I would be cutting the grass. After I was done I decided to take a dip and I got more than a dip in the pool. We have seen each other a few times since for sex but made it clear no relationship. I feel guilty until im having sex with her then I don't care. I don't want to stop this but I also don't want to break up a marriage. What should I do?

Stick to the pros.

Where this is headed is anyone's guess, but I bet it ends up costing a lot more that a once a month hobby habit.

I just hope you can break it off cleanly.

"Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned..." and all that.

Egads, nutandbolt,

Thy neighbor's wife??? I think mrfisher did my job this Thanksgiving weekend. Good call.

But like good detectives, let's explore this a little further. You say you "feel guilty" until you're having sex with her. Toward whom or where is the guilt directed? Her husband? Your spouse/SO? Is this any different from being with providers? Because you're not paying her, so you can't just walk away? Is it your marriage or her marriage you're afraid of breaking up?

On the other hand, [it?] has been made clear that there is to be "no relationship." Okay. By whom? Her? You? Both of you?

I'm always a big proponent for never leaving a stone (or a relationship) unturned. So next time, BEFORE jumping into the sack [or pool?] with Potiphar's wife, have a conversation with her. A sensible, let's-discuss-what-we're-doing-here conversation. Ask HER what she thinks you should do, and then carefully consider her answer. Is she coming from a selfish or an altruistic angle? Are her answers manipulative and intended for you to act a certain way? Is this about her or about you..or both of you? And then, when you've got something for your brain to chew on, please engage your higher faculties and make a decision that feels authentic to you. This means no lying to yourself, or embellishing or ignoring potential consequences, including your future relationship with her husband.

Yes, I know that can nick the bloom off the passion a little. After all, it's not that sexy to sit there and dissect the meaning of nookie. But it's a sign of maturity and mental health. Which I suspect that you are in possession of...or why else would you be with us on our fabulous board, LOL!

I know you can do it,
the Love Goddess

My little advice is that never be the cause for breaking up someone’s marriages especially if there are kids. All marriages have ups and downs. Maybe your neighbor’s marriage is on the down, but this is not to you to say. My advice is to let them work out their problems without your input. In my younger years, I caused a marriage to break up, kids were involved and I felt guilty about it. Since then I’ve never approached a married woman even if she dips herself in honey and gold.  



-- Modified on 11/27/2006 7:56:53 AM

It would be her unfaithfulness that did it not his taking advantage of it.  Of course, getting busted in this scenario could blow up both marriages, or require one or both of them to move.

With all due respect to Love Goddess, who has said the appropriate things, I would advise not asking her what she wants to do about it.  There is a strange power play that will leave you at a disadvantage in this scenario.  While two completely honest and open people should theoretically be able to have this kind of a conversation, this is not how the real world operates most of the time.

Understand that things like this must eventually come to an end and I would suggest that when it happens you're the one to do it.  Just make sure that you do it in a way that leaves her not feeling too slighted.