Monogamy.
I saw this coming. SB knew my other SB and I ended things. She asked me how many more times a week she would need to see me for it to just be us from now on. No increase in allowance. Just more time together. She also said I'd be able to go out and do my thing when I needed to if she couldn't hold up her end of the bargain. Things are going really well with her. Definitely thinking about it. The hunt for a new SB is always a pain.Disclaimer: I'm probably biased and cynical because of my recent experience getting rinsed.
What are SB's reasons for wanting to be monogamous if it isn't the allowance? Health, safety and emotional connection are valid reasons, but she gave you a hall pass to "do your thing" if she couldn't hold up her end of the bargain. That seems contradictory to me. I feel like she might be trying to increase her grip on you so that you are less likely to refuse a request for more allowance.
That's a good question. Her income has gone up quite a bit in the last 3 years. So the allowance is now a nice to have thing not a necessary for living thing. She's never asked for an increase in allowance, just the occasional can you buy me groceries. Can probably count the times that happened on one hand. When we were on vacation together she didn't have her wallet so she venmo'd me money when I bought her things. She also paid for part of the trip.
Part of what my brain is going through, is it worth trying to find another SB or just get more of what I am getting now?
Some things to consider when making your decision:
1. Do you crave variety? Will you be bored with monogamy?
2. Lust hormones subside a few months into a relationship. When that time comes, will you be ok with the lead time for finding a new SB?
3. More time with SB means more time to see her when she's not at her finest. Pardon my crassness; I'm referring to things like hair in the shower, the toilet lid getting messy, farting in front of you. Are you ok with reality not fantasy?
What are your thoughts about a hybrid approach where you increase the days spent with the current SB, and in parallel conduct a low key search for a second SB? The analogy is passively searching for a new job while employed.
Maybe she's trying to set you up for a bigger allowance down the road. And maybe she just loves your dick so much she wants more. You need to find out, cuz a monogamous arrangement is sort of a contradiction in terms. At least it is for me. I always make sure the girls know I have others in my life and I assume they will have others in theirs. In fact, I prefer it that way. I'd be uncomfortable knowing a SB was relying on me and only me to get 100% of her needs met.
It could also be a safety issue if an SB is relying on an SD to get 100% of her needs met. Remember what happened to Steve "Air" McNair? I re-read the section on his death (see Death section in attached article) and was stunned at this excerpt:
"There was also a conversation about financial issues where McNair transferred $2,000 to Kazemi, who claimed she was "stressed" and needed to pay her phone bill. McNair then offered to come over to check on her after she said her chest felt heavy."
Anyone else heard these words "I'm feeling stressed. Please transfer me $X. My chest feels heavy." from their SBs?
Thanks for sharing this. It's not a frequent topic here. As others have noted, before you do anything else, you need to decide if you will be happy with monogamy. Not "OK." Not "accepting." Not "willing so you don't lose her."
Happy.
Now, this is at its core, a renegotiation of your arrangement. Not a bad thing, but still a significant thing.
Knowing more about her ultimate goals and motivations would help. Without understanding what her version of "success" looks like here, it will be difficult to craft a (new) offer that you believe will be a win-win scenario. So maybe rethink her primary reasons for sugar dating. Then rethink her primary reasons for sugar dating YOU.
It seems that more allowance is not her primary objective - for now.
- Although she says she is really looking for more dates without more allowance with the objective of an effective monogamy, is that what she is really trying to accomplish? Note that she adds an unasked-for requirement on HER that allows you to stray when she fails to meet the new schedule. Why?
- Presumably this puts more pressure on her to meet the requirements. Does she believe that she will never miss a date? Will she really be OK if you do bang someone else because of her missed date? Or will she think (hope!) that the offer itself will suffice?
- And what about her? Will she still have the option to take on a "rando" or a new SB outside of the new schedule? Do you care if she does?
- In other words, will the new "monogamous" arrangement really be monogamous? Or is it just monogamous with an occasional Hall Pass?
- Finally, will the new deal now include some other benefit that is not included now? Like always BB, perhaps more extreme acts, or she will bring the occasional girlfriend (if these are not already offered)?
Remember that in new or renewed negotiations the power dynamic is unchanged: She has the power to say YES. You have the power to say NO.
Perhaps you can test this with a middle-ground change "to start"? Offer her a trial run of maybe 1 more time a week and you will "target" one less time a week with other SB's.
She may ask why? Use the nice guy approach: "Well, I don't like breaking my commitments and promises, and this change will impact other people. Don't you think I need to be fair to her/them as well?"
- She's not likely to argue with you for being a "considerate, good guy." And if she does, that is an important data point to note when determining her true objectives.
Call for action: Phrasing is important here, so put the burden to evaluate the test on her:
"Let's do this for the next 2-3 months, and then you can tell me if it feels good and you want to step up to the next level." Again, this gives the appearance that SHE is in control of her decisions. Of course, you can (and always could) bail at any time.
Looking forward to seeing how to more forward...
Life is good
The Cat
We are definitely negotiating. Overall I'm fine with monogamy. As long as I'm getting it a few times a week.
So. Things on my plate,
1. More sex with someone I already have amazing sex with
2. She actually pays for dinners sometimes and buys me gifts a lot
3. She cleans my house now, for free
4. Kind of like the whole, sex on call gig and if I'm hard up and she can't make it I can have a fling. Albeit escorts always with a condom
On her plate
1. She wants this to be a serious relationship. I've already met her family and they love me. Except her brother but. Ya know.
2. Safety. No chance of the drama of a past SB you all have heard me bitch about and no chance of her catching an STD
3. Security. No chance of me dumping her for another piece of ass
4. Security again, because I do pay her rent
Stuff I think I want
1. More time together and sex.
2. Her getting her finances in order. She's doing well in her career now
3. Her paying for more stuff when we go out. Supposedly she's planning something big for me
4. Less drama?? Can that really happen?
It seems like you've given this a lot of careful thought and I applaud you! I hope it works out great. My only worry would be that you get very emotionally invested, then she ghosts you, and you really get hurt. I know, I know, I'm projecting. Cuz that's what happened to me the one and only time I tried being monogamous with a SB. Our situation was different. We decided on monogamy because it was during the pandemic and we both felt safer that way. And it turned out she had a secret passionate thing going with a BF in Texas and she wound up dumping me and going to him. But damn, it really hurt. I hope yours works out better.
I think you answered your question, my friend.
Let's hope her brother is not a TER user! :p
Life is good
The Cat
If her brother showed me my posts and reviews!
Kinda my biggest nightmare is that someone I know finds out who I am.
Fortunately, she knows my exploits and hasn't complained. Although she wants monogamy now. Think I'll ease into that and see how it goes for a few months
Herb, will you be my sugar agent?