Dear Dr LG

I enjoy reading your thorough therapy. You are certainly a great addition to this community.

I have been hobbying for many years now and I have some ATFs here and there. The frequency that I see providers has declined in the past year as I am getting bored.. I always have a great time whenever I see providers, especially my ATFs but I do not find this hobby exciting any more. I had been thinking about my retirement until I saw this provider a couple of weeks ago.

She introduced me to a new enjoyment of sex - sort of light domination / submission. I am not a violent person at all and in fact, I had never done the game of domination in the past.  I do not want to share any details of our session but I am hooked. I want to go back and do it again and again. I feel that I have found a new meaning of being in this hobby!

That said, I am afraid of getting into that stuff deeper and deeper, and reaching a point of no return = I cannot enjoy “normal sex” with anyone anymore, even with my SO..

What is your take on this? I really appreciate your thought.

Best regards

Wow, New Meaning,
That's great! You're having fun again! My question to you is this one...you were seeing providers anyway, so how was the "normal" sex with your SO?

Also, I am interested in the "point of no return" issue. It seems to me that you are experiencing some feelings of conflict around this newfound experience - is it a 'guilty pleasure?'

The interesting thing about BDSM [bondage, dominance, submission, masochism] is that there are many neat 'code words' that provide rules of the game, or 'play' as it is termed in the community. The rules can be made up beforehand and if you're in the hands of an experienced player, then there's nothing to worry about.

I believe two things can happen: either you'll continue the newfound fun and you'll develop your own boundaries for what's acceptable and what's not; or, you'll get bored eventually and return to vanilla flavored sex. As to continuing the exploration, sure, why not? It's the only way you'll find out what you like. There's no harm in coming to new experiences at a later stage in our lives. On the contrary, if we stop evolving, even sexually, we stagnate and experience foreclosure. And who's to say that you can't involve your SO in your new game? As you state, it's "light." And, it can be very sensual. There are many books out there, written by dominatrixes. There are websites devoted to 'sensual domination.' People do this in their own homes with paraphernalia purchased at erotic shops or on the web [blindfold and feathers, anyone?] Light, sensual BDSM is in the danger of hitting mainstream currents!

You'll just have to continue exploring. There is nothing WRONG with it. Absolutely nothing. Just know that you are in charge [even though you're being dominated, paradoxically speaking] and that you set the limits. Of course you're not saying who was the dom and who was the sub, it's just me inferring that you were the submissive one. If you were the dom, then I say go easy on the SO. But if it's the way I assume, then heck, get a feather and start tickling the woman back home as well. Or get a little whip and let her do fun things with it to you. Nuttin' wrong with bringing home more toys and new ideas. Just remember the sensuality aspect of it all.

As to finding providers who engage in this activity, just do a TER profile search. From the tone of your posting, I really do believe you will develop a handle on your preferences and your boundaries.

Swisssch-swassch,
the Love Goddess

Great reply as usual

Sex with my SO is OK. Nothing exciting anymore. We DO have sex a couple of times a month and she does have some good Os. On my side, seeing providers helps "motivate" me for having sex with her. In fact, I recall my sessions with the providers while having sex with  my SO and that helps me stay "hard" and cum eventually. Otherwise, I doubt I would manage our sex life...

I was the dom and she (the provider) was the sub. I tied her up a bit and performed "forced bj". I got so excited that I went deeper and deeper until she gagged. I could tell she was in pain but at the same time, she was in heaven. That sight made me even "harder", cum stronger and want to do it more and more.

No guilt here so far. I would enjoy recalling the session again adn again while having sex with my SO and I WILl go back to the provider for more. My fear, a poitn of no return, is that I would want to explore a little more "hardcore" stuff such as slapping, pinching, choking, etc. That is bad!! you know...

I do not believe my SO would enjoy it. I do not even want to mention it to her. I feel that is ok for now. I will continue enjoying this newfound fun until I find my own boundaries like you suggested.

Am interested in hearing from some other people as well.

Thanks again, Dr LG!!! I luv ya!

Think about what we do....we have sex with girls that are friends only fantasize about. WE live our fantasies. But wuat happens when you act out all your hidden fantasies, the ones you dreamt about when you were a young teen or even as an adult. WE still have hidden fantasies buried with our psyche and some are lucky to find the door to open it up and explore.
B&D or S&M isn't for everyone but it does release more hidden wishes and desires.
Sometimes, once these hidden desires or fantasies are acted out, you might get bored OR this will open new doors and lead you on a new path...

Out of curiosity, I delved into the B&D S&M world and it was rather intriguing and fun but I grew bored or unsatisfied since it's not as easy to find the right partner AND I wanted to mix it all in, including the sex. I found more girls in the B&D S&M scene were into drugs (not all but more than I would have suspected) and were more unreliable. If you were to just scratch the surface, it would be plesurable but for me, when I get into something, I delve deep and what I saw was not pleasant and eventually grew bored and tired of the drama.

I'm very happy where I am now, just the "plain old vanilla" flavor of great sex.

I will stick with what I like for now and see how it goes. Like I said, we did not do anything serious but it was good enough to wake me up (and wake up my Mr Happy!).