I am mid 50's, with no health issues. It is very infrequent that I can come more than once with a provider. I can come more than once with my wife(without a  condom)or by masturbation pretty often. It is becoming a mental issue for me. Will I be able to come twice on this date? I have no problem with multiple erections, although occasionally not hard enough with a condom. I have a date scheduled next week, and started taking horney goat weed a few days ago.

Is this a common issue at my age? Does the goat weed need an extended period in my system to be effective? Does it have much chance of helping?

Dear stuckononeshot,

In answer to your questions:

"Is this a common issue at my age?"

Yes it is. In your mid-50s, ejaculatory frequency/capacity does diminish somewhat for most individuals. In addition, the refractory period can get longer. Does it become a mental issue? Well yes, if you view your diminished capacity as a problem and choose to focus on the destination instead of the journey.

"Does the goat weed need an extended period in my system to be effective? Does it have much chance of helping?"

Don't know, since I'm not a physician, have not examined you, AND horny goat weed is not always effective. The use of this unregulated substance is based on individual trial-and-error.

Now, having said all that, it could be that a different type of condom might be helpful. There are thinner, polyurethane versions on the market, although they do not come in XXL sizes. In addition, when you masturbate or have sex with your wife, you are habituated and therefore the element of situational anxiety is completely removed. Condoms, new providers - any element of "difference" can contribute...although my hunch is that you would experience ED before you'd have ejaculation/refractory issues.

See if a second pop could work with a BBBJ (subject to your risk tolerance) or a condomless handjob. If not, then proceed as above. Or just count your blessings and prolong the one shot you can muster.

Enjoy life, above all,
the Love Goddess

We're of similar ages and I also hobby as an addition to marriage. I can tell you my own approach – for me, part of the learning experience of hobbying has been to teach me that it's as much about the voyage as the destination. Often the woman doesn't come – for a variety of reasons. She might be tired or distracted. She might be someone who has difficulty coming. Also, we're new to each other and I don't necessarily know how to push all the right buttons. But it doesn't keep the woman from having a good time. I've been with providers who don't come who still have a wonderful time going at it for an hour or two. Just because they don't come doesn't mean they don't enjoy 20-30 minutes of oral sex.

So I figure, why shouldn't I be the same way? I focus less on coming and more on all the wonderful sensations of having sex. If I come twice, or even once, that's great. If I don't, I still have a good time (although at least one pop is pretty important.) So I just don't worry about it. I figure the sight, sound and sensation of being with a beautiful younger woman and having wonderful sex is reward in itself. I'm very relaxed during sessions and one way or the other I usually have a good time.

What you said does make sense. I just have a real hard time in relaxing, it does seem to get better after the first meeting. You touched one one other item I have had issues with. I have seen an absolutely gorgeous provider 3 times now. I love to talk to her, she has a wonderful British accent, she is affectionate, a great kisser and tireless on both BBBJ and sex. She is probably a 10 on looks and on performance, except that I can not even get her close to an orgasm. She says she has a real hard time coming, never the less it works on me that I cannot make her come.

I'm 51 and taking ED meds so multiple pops during a session have not been a reality for me for a few years now. I stopped worrying about the quantity and started spending more time going for quality.  I'm in no hurry and fortunately my ATF can have three or four O's for my one so neither is she.  

If two pops is your goal then nothing I say her is going to matter but trust me, one earth shaking, room-spinning orgasm after fifty or sixty minutes of teasing, squeezing, boinking and sucking can be pretty incredible.

Also in my mid 50's, I rarely 'multiple pop', sometimes (maybe 5-10%)... don't 'pop' at all in protected sex.

The joy of sex for me is not just the pop, though not to take anything from orgasms- it is fanfu**ingtastic when I do, especially in intercourse, and of course in bbbj.

But.... the real joy for me is in the seduction, the touching and kissing, the teasing, the getting her so incredibly hot and bothered in oral that she is bucking, riding, and grinding my face until she can't stand it any longer then grabs me and pulls me in!  

When that happens, ironically, orgasm for me is almost a given and I'm so contentedly relaxed and drained, I couldn't care less if I 'pop' again.

I've found also that if I go in to every session totally open to enjoying whatever happens whether there is a pop, no pop, or multiple pops.... orgasms and sometimes multiples more often happen.

If you're expectation is multiple pops, I've found my best bet is a very early fast one in bbbj followed by a 15 min cuddle and tease break.  Then once intercourse begins.... if it isn't happening in the first 5-10 min, don't wear her out!  Take another break and let her finish you orally again.  Same stimulation for any length of time on me, particularly if accompanyied by increased effort on her part or mine seems to diminish feeling and add to futility.  If you don't wear her out, she'll be much more likey to want to try again!

I'd guess my first 8 months of hobbying I never multiply popped.  After learning myself and seeing a limited few special ladies I have wonderful rapport with, it has happened a few times.  But more importantly, the times with these gals have become so intimate and sexually charged as we learned each other, I really don't care any more about multiples.

If the not-coming is a serious issue for you, then you should probably move onto another provider.

I wish I could help with the stress issue but I don't think there is anything to say. I'm in a pretty mellow time of my life right now. And the way I look at it is I'm paying for the session. If I want to not have sex at all and just eat grapes off her belly button, it's my nickle. Why feel performance anxiety about something you're paying for? That's a bit neurotic.

For many years I never really thought about, or cared, if a provider had an "O" or not.  That all changed when I met my two current favs about three years ago.  They are both clearly multi-orgasmic and are both very good at just letting themselves go and enjoying the sex regardless of the fact that there is an envelope full of cash over on the dresser. I have seen many other ladies since then and enjoyed the experiences for what they were but I have not repeated with any of them.  Sharing Orgasms is contagious and once you realize how good it feels when both parties are honestly enjoying the time together it is very hard to go back to just fucking beautiful women because they are attractive and available to you.

I'm not going to tell you how to spend your money but the last thing I would do is waste my time and money on a lady that makes me nervous or gives me feelings of inadequacy. I honestly don't know if this issue ties into your "pops quota" issue or not but damn! If I'm only gonna have on pop in a session I want it to be an amazing one!

BG - I totally relate to your perspective. I think I'm in a little different spot with my hobbying in that I still enjoy a novel experience now and then. With a new experience, you're going to find a great range of responses.

But my current ATF is so fantastically orgasmic. Her favorite position is mish, and she comes in the first three minutes upon penetration and again a few minutes later. It is huge fun. When she leaves it's nice to know I've recharged her batteries for a good long while. It does leave other experiences in the shade.

I do enjoy new experiences, after all, I had favs before I met my two current favs! I just can't help but compare the new gals to the two Asian hotties that I am a regular with and the new ones always come in second.  I DO still enjoy the experiences however.

The best part is that my ATF LOVES to hear stories about my adventures with the new girls.

I'm pretty much a one pop guy, just turning 60. It doesn't really trouble me because I enjoy the mutual pleasuring so much, and feel totally spent and satisfied after the one pop, especially with my ATF, which is even better since I would have to increase the donation for an additional pop. Just one of the benefits of getting older. Like, when I was younger, I would need to eat a whole pizza to be satisfied, now just a couple of slices gives me the same degree of satisfaction.

Dude!  I'm in my mid 40's and only expect to have one pop in an hour.  If I can go a second round, I call that a bonus!

I'd be willing to bet that there isn't an MD to be found who would describe not being able to go two (or more) pops in a hour as a "problem".  Now, if you're having trouble with one pop, your MD might have something to say.  

The "problem" is that many of the reviews describe two rounds, and that sets the bar high.  I suspect that a lot of the reviews aren't truthful about multiples and/or they are younger guys.  While the gal's age is part of the profile, we can really only guess about the guy's age.

I guess I needed some reinforcement that it wasn't just me. I do relate to the "bar" being set high, and that is some if not most of my problem.

-- Modified on 1/9/2009 10:09:47 AM

and that is if you want to pursue a career as a porn star.  In that case, multiple pops on a daily basis would be "just doing your job"

HOWEVER, IF YOU ALREADY ARE A PORN STAR, AND...

you used to be able to have multiple pops, and now are unable to have more than one... you may qualify for disability.

(Is levity even permitted in this forum?)

If you read my reviews you'll see that in a majority of cases, I describe a second round which does not end with a bang but with a whimper. If I have a session in which I don't come at all, I don't write a review. There are limits!

Get a Tantra Goddess to teach you how to control your ejaculation or book 2 hour appointments.  My only 2 pop experience was on a 1.5 hour session, she took it as a personal challenge and worked her ass off to make it happen.  It sure made this mid 50 year old feel young again.  My all time record in one session was 3 times but I was 19 years old, I was nearly a virgin and had never been with anyone as hot or horny as her before.  I still think back to that night frequently all these years later.

My DATY skills got infinitely better after I watched a couple videos on youporn.com search for "how to eat pussy".  There was so much there that I did not know.  It also takes patience if you really want it to happen, you may have to devote 1/4 of the session to it and not 69 either.  It is really great when it happens for real, the legs twitch, hips start bucking into your face, legs clamp your head from pulling away, she gets real sensitive down there for awhile and when that is all over and she recovers, hang on tight for the ride of your life.  Best of luck.

To me, there's one thing better (or at least equal). My current ATF is  easily multiorgasmic. After I've warmed her up with a first O via oral, she will then come within about 2 minutes of vaginal penetration and reliably a few minutes after that. Of course I need to be sensitive to not overstimulate her but it's easy-peazy to make her come. I'm really getting into those intercourse Os. She moans, talks dirty, flushes, – all the stuff you mentioned. And I get to watch her face and chest as it flushes red, which is one advantage over the DATY. I also don't get my face as wet, but than again, that can be fun.