Re: Good grief, Trooper2! Let this be a cautionary tale...eom

L.G. If you mean that I take this as a lesson in
how deceitful, and angry and indifferent that many
of these individuals can be, Yep, I have learned.
Maybe a better way of viewing it, without the desire to come off as condensending, is that there are a lot of people who are so much more emotionally needy than I? or emotionally unware of self?


Thanks for the input, as well, maybe I can hang around the board, and offer some insight from time to time.

-- Modified on 9/9/2007 3:21:37 PM

I don't take this warning lightly, as I know all to well, that I am dealing with a VERY intelligent person. I hope that she realizes the same in me. We are beautiful minds!
That is another reason for my attraction to her

Thanks to the L.G. and advice from so many others, while I was once in a state of confusion, over all the crap getting hurled around that had been instigated by none other than the subject, of whom I attempted to identify and expose in the thread. I sustained some damage to my reputation as a results.

Now, years later, the personality Dis ordered individual is still Out there, and continues to wage her secret war against me, and I suppose others as well.
See Psychopaths never quit doing what they do, because they are in denial of who, and what their thought process, and actions do to others, It is never the fault of the psychopath, and always the fault of those they seek to manipulate, injure, control and so on.

However, due to the visible absence of this particular individual from the " Hobby community" it appears that my efforts to expose, and distance myself from the drama, as well  as caution others, has been a success for the most part.  

I give a lot of thanks to L.G. in having helped me to understand, and clarify, and sort out just what was taking place, as well as extracting myself from the vail of darkness that this subject individual had casted far and wide over the hobby community.

It is true that the entire episode of that time, is what led to my decreased, and eventual departure from active involvement of the hobby. However, I still maintained a lurker presence, as I have no desire to entirely detach from the hobby, as it had at one time, served the desired purposes well, but then along came a few of the challenged individuals, all within the same scope of time, and then the hobby became a very dangerous and painful experience for many.  
I stand apart from the many others, as I had enough confidence, or stupidity, take your pick, to become vocal, and further challenge these individuals in public, and to close ranks, or circle the wagons, to keep these challenged individuals at bay.

While I am forbidden from linking to other sites, which would have further laid out the warning signs, I attempted to prompt L.G. to give her professional insight, or opinion, thus helping me to prove my case.

The time has come, to let it all go, as I have healed and learned from the experience, and have a better knowledge, and ability to spot those who are afflicted with psychopathic tendencies, or abnormal personalities.  
Thanks to TER, for allowing me to revisit the scene of the crime so to speak, and render a final  
op ed on the events of 10 years ago.

My hope, is that the primary provider, or subject of the post, can seek assistance, and be brave enough, to look into the mirror, and see who she is, and what she does to herself, as well as others, although I know it is a long shot, as psychopaths do not change, from my understanding of those afflicted, there is always the cycle of getting exposed, moving to others, and until they are once again exposed, as they are always in a state of shape shifting, and attempting to fill the black hole, that is the ever present void in their own personality and life.

Thanks B.S. As you can see, I did in fact cut and
run, although its a moot point now.
I really enjoyed the sex with her, as well I accepted that it was going to cost me money, the issue was, her need to control, and manipulate.
I had set boundaires, and stood my ground, she got
fustrated that she was not able to break me.
She was all game, and (smile) she attempted many angles, but I blocked her every attempt.
I finally got tired of fending her off, and said look, just let me do my thing, you get your fee,
and everyone is happy? but nope, she needed to keep up the mental and emotional control game.

So I said see ya and made my way to the door,
well she was madder than hell, because she was unable to bust me open, so she pretty much kicked in her last resort, and that was to seal me off from access to the other providers, by way of her
posts, and back channel slander? And even as far
as a black list?

So Big, you see, She thought that she was going to own airborne daddy, she was attempting to do her pimp thing on me, thinking that she was gonna make me her mule, But mules kick when angry, and  I kept saying NO Go!

What she failed to see, is that I am a strong character, and deep in emotional awareness,
I know me, and I could see her as well. I did need
some other pairs of eyes to verify what I was indeed seeing, and other members lent me their
insight, and so I hit door yelling Airborne!
But I failed to see that the aircraft was not yet
Airborne, so it was a short jump, with a bad PLF.

But I am chuted up and ready to go again.
Now where are those other lovely ladies?
My humble thanks to all.
Trooper2

-- Modified on 9/9/2007 6:32:10 PM

LOL I hate to be rude, but you dear provider are taking a bash at me without knowing the full facts.
I did not post here to write a book, just to understand what I had gotten myself into?
I hate to break it to you, but I never asked her for FREE SEX, rather I offered to compensate her in some other manner once she began to state her profound love for me.
But thanks for reading into my posts and attempting to set me as guilty of something.
As far as taking advice, or guidence, I think that I will stick to listening to those who are accredited, and  knowledgeable, As I have done in the past and am doing in the present.

Believe me, I am a fair minded person, but I cannot even begin to understand individuals who are affected with personality disorders. Have you taken the time to read up on the possible disorder
of this individual? To see that no matter what,
You or I could never be correct in her eyes.
After all its all about her, and her needs,
There is no compromise, and you or I, our boundaries do not matter what so ever.

As well, thanks for sharing, and stating your
opinion, but unless you know the full story, its
better that you listen and learn. for the fact is,
That because I come from a less than normal upbringing, I have had to readjust and learn from my mistakes, Never have I stated complete a lack
of accountabilty, I am responsible to a degree,
because I did not recongize her baggage, until
it began to affect me in a negative manner.
But Hey, I am learning, Check into borderline personality disorder, or the others that L.G. bought to light.
I am a average troop, in that I have not been educated in the human mind, but when I see some unusual behavior, and I care about that person, I at least try to understand. So I was responsible
in that I was unaware. What's your excuse for your lack of awareness or knowledge?

-- Modified on 10/20/2007 9:59:31 PM

-- Modified on 10/20/2007 10:05:32 PM

Re: I hate to sound rude... a bit long winded,

While I understand what Itgirl is saying, I was upset with her appoach toward this issue, for truly, she is commenting on a subject on which she
is not fully informed, There is no poor me attitude here, rather, a believe me, I paid for sex in my past marriage, dearly! I left because the other half did not keep her end of the bargain.

I have always upheld my end! no bull, and I expect the same of my partner, Its a relationship, and if both people build out from a stong foundation, then the bridge is less likey to collaspe in the middle, I am a man, not Atlas.

So back to the issue of paying, I had made an offer, for compromise, in the payment department, and she flat out refused to even consider my request. I view relationships as business, as well, In that I am a partner in something greater, and while I would never say that this partner was not worth it, I do desire for her to see my own need to feel worthy and accepted in the relationship, as I have needs and wants as well. I don't feel as if I am an emotional bully or blackmailer, but I felt forced into taking a position in which I had to play power struggle, in order to keep some sense of fairness in place.
I think that this is where my partners feel that I abused my power, and thus projected this at them.

I feel that same way myself, in that my fear was that she would overpower me, (she is a strong woman) and thus take complete control of the terms, and make me to her, If I am going to be a slave, then at least I desire to find a loving and fair master, who gives to me as much as they would give to Herself.

We all have fears, and needs, I tried to talk my way around her mask, and address her emotional person, from my emotional person, Our Masks were
getting in the way so much, that we have not been
able to really speak to each other directly, person to person. I understand a bit better now, because she has been very direct in pointing out her concerns in a very astute manner.
WE should be careful, and take this as a cautionary tale, as we both are very much alike, in so many respects. If this were to go forward,
then we both have to do a better job of communication, and understanding each other fears
and needs. This is where feelings and fairness come into play.
I think that the woman of my affections is warning me, Don't fuck with me! I hear loud and clear, and as well, I am pretty much saying the same to her, Don't mess with me,and I promise not to mess with you!
Put aside the power playing, and let it be known
that we both are very serious individuals, when it comes to matters of the heart, because I will be the first to admit, that emotional wounds are much harder to heal, as to opposed the physical wound. I am begining to understand her fears better, as our way of communication forces us to
deal, person to person, with very few masks to get in the way. Now about the next date? :0

Itgirl, the facts are, that I did take a long look
at my actions, and it was because I corrected my actions, in order to have personal happiess, I got beat up on by my ex wife, because SHE did not want to look at her actions, and change or compromise.
So I divorced her, when I married, I was in fact emotionally out of balance, and during the course of the marriage, I became more balanced, which put stress on the relationship. Its a long story, but the provider whom I want, well she knows somewhat about the price I paid.

It was because of that marriage, and divorce, that I became fearful of relationships, because I
put my heart out there every day for 22 years, and got little return on my investment.

Would I dare to ask S/R to marry me?
Yes, if we are able to estabish a trusting foundation, with good comflict resolution, and mutual understanding, then in spite of our differences, Yes, I would venture to ask her to be with me.

Would I take care of her? sure, as long as she does her part, and sees to my needs also.
The fact is, there is no such thing as free sex,
We all, men and women alike pay, in one way or another.
And feelings have everything to do with a relationship, perhaps, that is why you are now alone itgirl, because maybe, you failed to see to his needs, such as you put yourself above him?
Well whatever, I don't have an answer for your failed relationships. And as it is, I have never given up hope to have a loving relationship,
I am only human, and I made mistakes, due to fears
and misunderstandings?
So you see, I have never claimed to be perfect or innocent of anything, It was the ladies who refused to accept responsibility for there actions
and what not,
Now I have met one, who at least is trying to come to terms with me, and that is why I am here.
I Want Her! But WE both have to be on the same page. I hope we can do it!