She stood me up for our first M&G.
We 'd had an extended messaging exchange. She agreed to the date/time that I proposed and we agreed on the meeting spot. I traveled to the chosen location.
Messaged her when I was close, when I arrived and several times on location. Left after 30 minutes. Have not messaged her and have not heard from her.
... you will probably find that many, if not the majority of M&G's result in No-Shows. It's part of the process.
TLDR: It happens
Longer exposition:
I suggest you try to keep an open mind here. There are any number of non-scam reasons why a POT will either cancel or even ghost on a M&G. Take a look at this from the prospective of a 22-ish college student who may be:
- New to dating adult, particularly older (over 50) men for the 1st time
- New to dropping any romantic/crush pretense and dating with the explicit objective of fucking
- New to getting some type of compensation for dating
- New to a city after moving across the state or country to go to school or start a new job
- Not comfortable telling her besties for fear of being labeled a whore
- Driving an unreliable 2007 Hyundai handed down by her uncle and seeing it break down on the freeway
- Working a shitty, hourly customer service job with a boss who calls her into work on short notice
- Somewhat insecure about meeting a 50, 60 or older stranger somewhere outside her comfort zone to offer up sex for cash
- Just got a better offer (or 3 or 6!) from other SD's for 2x, 4x+ the allowance.
- Partied really hard with her friends last night and overslept because lacking responsibility and promptness are the traits that drove her to look for a SD
- You get the idea...
Would you blame a doe in the forest for running away when a group of 50-ish hunters show up with deer bait and loaded rifles?
And yes, she may just be a scammer who smelled better blood in the water and blew you off for a closer target.
One request on behalf of (most of) the SD's here. We generally refrain from using a profile or real names for non-scammers in this forum. Sugar Dating is NOT hooking, and so we (or at least I) discourage any posts that look like a hooker review. There is nothing wrong with hookers or hooker reviews (we are on TER, duh!). But the utility of some type of Sugar review is essentially zero. First, SB's spend as much time picking a POT SD as we spend picking a POT SB, and telling a POT that "HerbTCat recommends you for your sloppy, nympho BBBJWS" is not going to garner more success. Second, but equally important, we are spread all over (primarily) the USA. SB's more than 30-50 miles away (100-15 for Papa Sweet who lives in Pussy Siberia) are not practical candidates for your next POT.
I will close by kindly asking that you avoid adding profile or real names here, please. UNLESS: she is a proven scammer, or for those posts where we look at POT Profile content as a learning tool for discussion.
Life is good
The Cat
(As always) Thanks Herb.
I understand your point about not posting real names. I'm not sure that I agree about not posting profile names. My perspective is that the whole point of this site is to help brother hobbyists not waste time and money. That's my motivation. That said, I appreciate that it's anecdotal experience, and as such posting profile names is pointless. I'll avoid doing so in the future.
-- Modified on 11/26/2023 6:41:36 AM
Also there is a legal distinction between a mistress and a prostitute. One is legal and one isn't. We want to avoid blurring the line or calling attention to blurred lines.
No show is pretty common. They get cold feet at the last second. Also many are on SB time, which could be up to an hour or so behind schedule. Usually the tardy ones do let you know the are running late.
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The ones that are no show tend in my experience to go radio silent a few hours before the proposed meeting time. If they don't acknowledge my enroute messages etc it almost invariably means they've ghosted.
Most of my M&Gs take place in the college town 50 miles away from me. So when I set up a M&G I always tell them that I will confirm our date, on the morning of, to make sure there are no last minute changes. When the morning of arrives, I text her saying I need to hear from you no later that X o'clock in order to have time to get ready and meet her on time. X o'clock is 2 hours before our planned meetup. This is not foolproof, I've had several acknowledge the meetup and then fail to show, or hit me up last minute for $. But often it does help weed out those who got scared, hung over, overslept, etc. Just yesterday I had one of these. She never replied to my request for a 2 hour confirmation. So I avoided a wasted 100 mile roundtrip drive.
Good advice.
My experience so far with Bs has been that they are irretrievably unreliable. I do try to hold their hand through the communication process ("Hi. Friendly reminder, blah, blah, blah"). But, the steps that you're proposing are even more foolproof. You live and you learn.
You're right. and when you find one who is actually reliable, dependable, never flaky, hold onto that rage gem!
meant to type "rare gem"
I've actually had two M&G go bad recently.
In both cases, I did receive a follow-up message (a day and two days later respectively). And, in both cases, offered a "reason" (one a family emergency, the other travel issues). I'm not sure whether I believe either one. And, assuming that they are valid, I'm inclined not to be sympathetic (mostly because I'm still bitter about wasting my time). But also because in this day and age, it literally takes a minute for a POT to log into the app/site and simply add a brief message to our existing conversation stating that due to unforeseeable circumstances, they are unable to attend. It seems the minimum sign of mutual respect.
Needless to say, I will not be pursuing an arrangement with either of these POTs.
Thanks again for the good advice.
I concur that many times from initial contact through first BCD there is a high unreliability factor. It is frustrating. Herb makes excellent points here for the possible reasons behind this, and I think it's important to remember that many of these factors may have nothing to do with you so don't take it personal. Should it be something you've said/done, you will never know what it is so try to simply be courteous and kind to all and not allow her change of mind or unreliability ruffle your feathers. Flakiness is the nature of people navigating love and sex in general, but even more so young ladies who must be incredibly self-conscious and gun shy doing this kind of thing with a man old enough to be her father or in some cases grandfather. The fact that we are even able to [occasionally] score beautiful young women at all at any price is to me a blessing. I love Herb's analogy of the doe in the woods. I'm telling you Herb, you must develop a course or write a book! Rewards come to those willing to walk the warrior's path - be diligent, work the program, be the best version of yourself you can be. Keeping many lines in the water is to me a way to catching more fish in the end, even if most of them end up not biting or jumping out of the boat. Persist.
I think that's right. The miracle is that so many are actually available to us, and not that some got away. This is especially amazing for those of us who started this late in life.
Excellent advice here (and from Lester).
I agree that it is nothing short of a miracle that any of us experience any rate of success whatsoever. It should serve as encouragement.
That said, I'm finding that I don't have the patience/energy for this undertaking. Out of frustration (at several levels), I made contact with a reliable escort service. The session occurred as agreed, with an attractive young woman with considerable skill, and resulted in a sensational outcome. Probably at a higher cost, but certainly at a much lower level of stress. Maybe I lack the imagine to see how it gets much better than that.
On a related note, observing a SD's reaction to be stood up could be a good way to gauge how compliant/submissive/desperate he is.
Just saying.
Escorts certainly are a valid option. And if you're willing to pay, you can pick the most stunningly beautiful with little doubt that they'll accept you as a client.
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If I wasn't getting BDSM type experiences from my (willing) SB's I probably would go back to escorts out of sheer convenience and desirabiity.
For me there's no comparison. After experiencing hookers for a number of years, nothing comes close to a steady sugar relationship. A good sugar baby takes work to find and a lot of frustration till you find the right one, but once you do, there's nothing like it because it feels more like a 'real' relationship. She's happy to see you and she does caring things for you and there's a sense of being loved and you show her love in return. If you want wham bam thank you maam with no hassles, hooker for sure, but there's little feeling with a hooker and it's most certainly strictly transactional.
I agree completely! The emotional bond I've shared with some SBs has elevated the arrangement to the status of a genuine relationship. Add some great sex and the combination far exceeds the escort experience.
Question for you and Adonis... do you think you would come close to the SB dynamic you're describing if you saw the same provider once a week?
Question for you and Sweetman... do you think you would come close to the SB dynamic you're describing if you saw the same provider once a week?
Seeing the same provider on a regular basis isn't the same dynamic to me, I'd much prefer a sugar relationship than a hooker/john dynamic.
I've never visited the same escort that frequently. But the one that cam closest was a previous TER Top Ten and she had the incredible ability to make me feel like I was a very special person in her life. But with my best SBs, I actually was a special person to them, for a time.
I have to wholeheartedly agree with brownjack. The vast majority of POTs Ive interacted with on Seeking are unreliable which is an understatement. Set a date and time for a phone call, no answer.. Set a date for a public meet, no show with no text.
More power to those of you who have found reliable arrangements, but after 3 months of flakes and scammers, this whole sugaring thing has been a huge disappointment. I will not renew my membership and will likely see escorts less often for more money, but at least they’re reliable and don’t waste vast amounts of my time and energy. .
It’s a total pain and hassle but eventually worth it
After all the trouble and dry spell, I finally managed landing a decent 27y old who I visit weekly at her place for multiple hours for like 350-400 plus occasional dinner and small gifts
This is someone who could easily charge like 600-700 per hour if she were a proper escort and the experience wouldn’t be even anywhere close as here we go multiple rounds, she gives me a massage every now and then, cuddles together, watches tv w me, cooks for me occasionally etc etc
Imo, if you are anywhere close to ok looking for your older age, and have basic dating game (you don’t have to be an expert), sugaring offers lot more ROI than seeing any escorts
tbh - The prospect of a SB relationship having the "benefits" of a real relationship aren't that appealing to me. To being with, I think I make a poor SD prospect.
I have to be absolutely, discrete. As such, I can "disappear" to see a SB only every 6 to 8 weeks. As such, I'm not going to let myself get into an allowance situation. And, for that reason I have no reason to expect that an SB is going to maintain an exclusive relationship with me.
Further, because of my situation, I won't allow myself to enjoy BBFS (were it offered).
Also, because of the discretion thing, we can't be seen in public any where close to my location.
And, I'm not interested in someone becoming attached to me. For fear, that when it ends it will create complications in my real life.
The whole notion is exciting. But, my past escort experiences are looking better and better by comparison.
I think there are two lanes in sugaring. There is the extended relationship lane, and then there is the quick buck lane.
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I happen to think the extended relationship lane is traveled less, or mostly an illusion. I think typically we're older gents dating much younger women. Are they really that interested in a relationship, or just a wallet. And of course looks matter in this equation. If you are a good looking guy, a relationship is more in the cards if you want it.
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I'm old and ugly so I do not labor under the illusion that a relationship will last beyond my next payment. In this way they self-select away from me if they are serious about establishing a long term relationship.
I haven’t had a regular hooker experiences but my take is this.
With SBs you can have a .. richer/deeper experience where you spend extended time together, take trips and get to know each other. Do they really want you and like you? Possible in both situations but with a long term SB it’s hard for them to fake it for long. Even if it’s true they would dump you if you stop paying them..
These are different animals. I don’t think most SBs could fuck 5-10 guys in a day. They mostly non pro..
If you just want sex it may not be worth the effort but you get a lot more in sugar.
If you have not had great SB relationships, you probably don't understand. I am older (60+) and decent looking for my age and I like the sugar world best. Who would have ever thought we could have access to women like this at our age? People describe things as unbelievable, but banging good looking women 30+ years younger than me really is beyond unbelievable. I have no idea how many guys my SB's are banging a day, but it's not 7 +/-. Full disclosure - I am low volume in the game and have a SO, so 2 or 3 SB's a year works for me. In the 6 years I have been in the bowl, I have had many great situations
And I have no illusion about any of these women being my GF, but I am happy when they leave after the sex - same concept as a pro you pay them to leave not to show up. And I truly believe that non of the women I hung out with were pros. Were they maybe banging another guy or two, probably, but I was probably banging another SB or two at the same time as well. 
Just like when you were single and dating, you were probably fucking more than one woman.
Pros are fine and to each his own, but I have not seen one in years, other than last year when I picked one up in a bar or maybe I should say she picked me up - lol.