Reading a post from Herb Cat, if memory serves, he stays away from profiles that have a Luxury Lifestyle tag. Oddly enough almost all profiles I see now have that tag. Now I totally where HC is coming from, or whoever posted that, but they (the SB) might not be putting that much thought into it.

But the point of this thread is help me and others decode some of the terms they use.

From what I've learned in my short time, and correct me if I'm wrong, it's have dinner, conversation, maybe another activity, BCD, then rinse repeat. Now a lot of profiles say they're looking for a mentor. That's all well and good, but don't know if that's really a goal of theirs.

So terms I see and would like clarity on:
Luxury Lifestyle
Pampered
Spoil Me
Love to Shop
Take Care of Me
Lavish Lifestyle
Life Leisure
Very Generous

So I get there are some women who want you to pay for literally everything in their life; take care of them. Short of that what do they expect with the terms above?

As a side note I had a couple messages with a POT who asked if I'm looking for a Sugar baby or FWB. I asked her to explain as I thought FWB was just code for sugar baby. She said, Sugar baby means a woman you spoil with your money, friends with benefits is friends who have sex occasionally. So does she mean FWB you don't pay?

...is probably not going to be one of the options most of the time.  It can happen, as there are SB profiles of women who are looking for traditional romance, marriage, etc.  I recently had a SB who tried repeatedly to return my cash gifts.  She wanted to be a couple and felt awkward accepting my gift.  I take the tag FWB in a profile as a declaration of being down for the BCD activity, and many SBs actually do enjoy the sex as much as the gifting.  As a means to an end, it's a win-win for them.  All those buzzwords you've listed are just ways of saying how they'd like you to treat them.  I view those terms in total context:  what is depicted in the pics such as clothing, backdrop, etc.  What does the text in her profile reveal about personality, likes, dislikes, experiences, etc.  I fish for someone that  A) I'm attracted to,  B) whom I'll likely have things in common with, C) and whom I'd want to see repeatedly.  If I get the vibe that the "terms" you reference are her primary motivation, then I'm pretty sure it would not work out for me.  My lifestyle, how I dress, where I live, what I drive, is just not gonna cut it for some of these gals.  I've the common sense and experience to know that, and fish accordingly.  Bottom line...I fish on SA for a friend that I can also have sex with...a FWB.  What I'm not on SA for is to find someone to ferry around to the mall, or to the type restaurants I'd rarely ever visit, or to jet away for a vacation.  The one you mention in your "side note" is exactly who I'm not looking for.  You've posted a lot here lately, but it sounds like you've only hooked up with one SB so far.  Keep at it.  You'll stumble like most of us did initially.  But you'll find your rhythm and what works best for YOU.  

-- Modified on 6/17/2021 10:29:08 AM

I pretty much ignore whatever they're requesting and just make my standard offer. I'm never going to agree to their fantasy demands, so it just saves time to cut to the chase.

I can understand why a SB is seeking all those things. If they list all of those high maintenance desires it’s not necessarily a no go. However, if the wording in their profiles, and their gift list all scream high maintenance…I’m out.  

I saw a profile that I was very interested in, but she didn’t have discretion in her profile so I didn’t message her. A few weeks later her profile showed up in a search again. This time I reached out to her and asked her if she was ok with discreet dates. She quickly replied yes of course!  

If I feel I see a profile that I like, but I feel she’s too high maintenance for me, I’ll either skip it, or try getting to a price fairly quickly so as not to waste time.

Good topic for discussion.  

 
First, the tags are generally the last thing added to a profile. I think they may appear to a POT SB as a good alternative to actually writing about themselves and what they are looking for. And I generally find they align with what what the POT is REALLY looking for maybe 60-75% of the time. After all, who doesn't want a "Luxury Lifestyle?" So I take it as a possible (i.e.: yellow flag) indicator of GPS. It needs to be added to the mix of your evaluation and taken in context with the rest of her profile, including her pics. Another tag that could be a yellow flag is "Platonic." This may be a way, in her mind, to weed out guys who want to Bang and Bail for minimal amounts. But it may not mean she's not DTF - eventually.    

 
The only tags I take seriously and literally are "Trans Friendly" and "Seeking Transgender."  These are an automatic pass for me - full stop. These are the only two tags I add to my "Don't include" filters.  

 
As to FWB issues: I've never met a POT who did not expect any cash and would be happy with her SD just paying for stuff like dinners, show tickets, air fare, and high-price gifts.  But I glean from questions like the one you received that there are POT SD's on the site that assume that they can operate that way. These are the guys who will be labeled "Splenda Daddies." They are the guys who's egos can't let them understand that a POT SB is not excited to jump on his dick just because he offers it. They don't get that any relatively attractive woman (and even a less than attractive woman who presents well) can find a guy to fuck her with little effort - it's called Tinder, or just walking into a bar or club.  

 
So I take her question to be code for "You understand that I expect cash, right?" Under the site TOS, she cannot just ask that, so the SB vs FWB question is a test of your intent.  

 
Here's the FWB test:  Consider asking any of your current SB's (I know you only have one right now...) if they would be ok if you stopped giving them cash, but everything else stayed the same.  If she says yes, congratulations! You have a new FWB. But you know she will not say yes, don't you?  

 
Note: This can be a useful tactic if/when you want to end an arrangement with little (there's almost never NO) drama. Tell her something in your life changed; smaller budget, you didn't make sales quota, your daughter started college, or you need to travel more for work, you will be travelling with a co-worker who's not cool, etc., and you won't be able to help her with her bills or (more extreme) see her as frequently anymore. Never make it about her - I don't like you anymore, you're always late, you won't blow me anymore, you are a mean drunk, your coochie stinks too much, I found a hotter/younger/thinner SB, etc. If you "blame" her, she will either argue that you are wrong, or she will offer to "fix" the problem.  But she has to accept an issue with you. She can't fix your budget, or your travel schedules. So just let her know your circumstances have changed and let her decide it's time to end it.  Remember, try to never burn bridges. You never know when you might want to  use that bridge in the future.  

 

Life is good

 
The Cat

Well explained.

Yes, I've very new to it, but been toying with this type of arrangement and/or pro route for 3 decades. I've just been hampered by finances and traditional relationships. I'm not a cheater so if I had a S.O. I wouldn't be doing this; that's just me though. But ever since I was a teenage I wanted to fuck all of them, all body types all personalities (Well not all, only the ones that attract me, I don't have a specific type.). I've never had a problem, until lately, getting a girlfriend and having lots of sex. Hell in beginning of 2016 I literally dated over 60 women. Not too many conquests, but a few. I mean unless I was in a relationship I never was able to just go to a bar and get laid. I'm not bad looking, some call me handsome, but I don't have a normal lifestyle I don't go to places where women hang out. For the most part I've been happy with the sexual partners I've had, there's been a whole lot. But now I want what I want. I want to pick that perfect body style I've always been craving and now I can easily afford it. Now I just have to make the emotional disconnect. I mean the disconnect that they aren't girlfriends, they aren't going to text you all day long and be the most affectionate person you've ever met. I get emotionally tied easy. My body and brain are separate they react differently.

Discreet meaning? No date ahead of time, just come over talk and BCD?

I feel ya, same here, SB route or not high maintenance is a no go.

So what the take away is, do what I learned from my first time out. Ask whey they are looking for. Take their offer and be very explicit in what you're looking for and what you're willing to pay and we should be all good? So for instance define gifts, price range maybe, frequency or what I did, I told this first one when we had the big talk the, second time. I will consider gifts, but no obligation to get you any, but don't hesitate to ask. Also give me a price when asking. So if you want a pair of shoes, which she did, and they're $200, sure, maybe. The pair she was asking for was $600...no.

...as the best response.  

Yeah - mostly ignore whatever they list in the tags - other than the obvious.

That having been said, I've probably done 3 dozen BCD meetings the past few years and can never recall meeting up with a girl who used any of those tags.

I have a follow up, I know I should always go with my gut instinct, but should you discuss your other SBs with your SBs?

I don't mean, Hey last night Tina did this thing with her tongue, can you do that?

I mean if you're seeing other SBs? I guess the answer would be yes so you're all on the same page about testing and such?

Discreet as in I’m married and can’t be seen out on a date. My dates must occur in a hotel room or some other private place. Some SB profiles mention they are ok with this, but many don’t. I let my POT’s know pretty quickly that I can only do discreet dates and ask if they are ok with it. Most are ok.

I’ll meet up in public the first time for a quick hello at a location I feel comfortable with. There’s also a hotel nearby that has a nice bar/restaurant. I’ve met one girl there for a drink, and then got a room 15 minutes later.

I don’t ever discuss other SB’s. Each SB thinks she’s exclusive and special. They are exclusive and special for that few hours we are together lol. As for discussing BBFS with them, I tell them that it’s ok if they have other Daddies or a bf, but to please let me know if she’s having unprotected sex with them. Either way, birth control and constant testing is the only way to have some confidence that you won’t end up with a huge problem. I had a vasectomy years ago, so I’m more worried about STD’s than pregnancy.

Ok gotcha.

Ok good to know. I'm clipped as well; so same for me. This SB, the only one I've had, we both said we'd let each other know if we add some one for safety reasons. Right now she's not seeing anyone else and I'm not either. I just worry if she adds someone I'll be a little heart broken. LOL I'm getting over that kind of thing, it's going to take me a minute. Like I've said I'm used to traditional relationships. Don't get me wrong I've already got this thick Latina scheduled for a meet next week. We video chatted and gave me a nice peek of her PJs, which was just a body suit thong thing. I almost fainted. Huge butt. So I'm definitely not playing it like it's a traditional relationship.

P.S. Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

Two questions, why does it take like 12 plus hours for my posts to show, whether it's a new one or reply?

Also, how do I get notification by email when someone replies to one of my threads? or is that a VIP membership thing? I've looked everywhere.

I agree with DaddyHS.  

 
Don't bring up other current SB's. It will not go well.  Even if the SB you are speaking to is a BB (Bang and Bail) arrangement, letting her know you are dividing your time  - and more importantly your CASH - with other women will impact her confidence in your arrangement.  Note that I said "other women," not "another woman."  Once she knows there is one, she will automatically assume (probably correctly) there are more than one.  So she goes from being "Daddy's Special Girl" to "just another ho" this jerk fucks.  

 
Now on the other hand, I don't recommend lying to your SB. Lies will always bite you in the ass eventually - and not in the good way. So don't bring it up. And if you must talk about other SB's, do it in the past tense. "Oh yeah. Now that you mention it, I did have a friend who really liked having sex in public. That was interesting, but it really wasn't my thing. I prefer to cuddle and have my fun in a warm, safe, comfy king sized bed." She doesn't need to know that the "sex in public" happened yesterday.  Yesterday IS in the past, but she will most likely assume the time frame was before she started seeing you.  If an SB straight up asked me "Have you had sex with anyone else in the last 3/10/30 days?" I'd tell her the truth (limited to the exact context of her question), and follow up with an assurance that I've been tested since then, or that we used protection, (or both) and I'd imply it was a one-time thing - because I'm happier with you (which should be true as you are about to have sex with her!).  Note that I might then ask her the same question in the interests of transparency and (my) safety. Not as a gotcha, but as a part of an open and transparent relationship, where each respect the other, blah, blah, blah...  

 
But you will generally know if she's seeing other people, either by her active status on Seeking, her comments about what she's been doing since the last time you saw her, or her complaints about her current or ex BF.   One of my current SB's has a habit of asking to come see me the day after she fucks her 24-year old BF. She tells me he always uses a condom (afraid of getting her pregnant) and his skills, especially oral are lousy. So she gets him off then comes to me the next day super-horny and wanting to get several O's over the next 2-4 hours from Daddy.  I just take a shower with her and have her show me her current tests. Yes, there is increased risk as I don't know and can't control the BF's status. I'm ok with that risk. I get tested every 4-6 weeks or more often.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

LOL so these two new posts showed up hella quick. It says two hour since I posted so no idea of how long it took.

This!

I'm a little dense sometimes so I need things spelled out for me. So what if they ask and I am seeing another one? I have no problem lying, in this situation, if it's an accepted practice among you. I don't like to lie, but seeing as we're paying for this it's not the same as with civvies.

I was in moderation for about the first two years I was here, then for no apparent reason my posts started going through quickly.  Occasionally my posts still randomly go into moderation and have to wait for a moderator to okay them, which is generally several hours.

Ok so no rhyme or reason. Good to know.

I concur. I've been on this TER board for many years and often my posts are active immeduiately, but sometimes they are helf for review first. No idea why, no apparant reason.

I would be very unhappy to meet a PYT and discover "she" was a transexual.  That is an awkward situation I want to avoid completely.  And there are so many more trans women on SA now than ever before, that I can understand why you'd want to set up your search filters to avoid any trans positive tags.

The thing is, being trans positive does not correlate to being trans oneself.  I've found many profiles that say trans friendly but are actually just trying to indicate how woke, left wing and open minded they are in support of all peoples' rights. It does not automatically mean that they are trans themselves.

I think someday SA could eliminate the confusion by having each profile say "I am a man/woman/trans/other seeking men/women/trans/other".  In the meantime we have to rely on the individuals to disclose their status. Most of the trans women seem to do this right upfront in their tag lines. Others bury the info way down in their profile text. But it's always there somewhere. After all, trans people get a lot of abuse and they don't want to set themselves up for that.

On occasion, I see a trans friendly tag and I read the profile text and I'm left unsure about the SB's real gender. So I ask politely, I see that you clicked the trans friendly box and I'm wondering, are you trans or a natural born female?  The replies are always polite, and so far always natural female.  So I see no point in filtering out the trans positive filters.

-- Modified on 6/19/2021 8:49:13 AM

-- Modified on 6/19/2021 8:50:12 AM

You can't rely on gender labels anymore. If they "identify as" then that's what they claim they are.  They might look like Popeye's Brutus, but they answer to the name of Tiffany.

Again, I don't recommend lying.  But that doesn't mean I will proactively disclose everything. I want her to think she's special and checking all my boxes.  And if she also thinks I'm not seeing anyone else, that's good for me as well.  But like I said, if she straight up asks, I answer within the specific context of her question. I don't volunteer any more info.  After all, you are an adult, you can fuck as many consenting women as you want. She can do the same with men (or women).  But don't lead out with that, and don't use it to imply she's not "worth" your attention or that she can be replaced or forgotten.  

 
The corollary to that is to never assume that you are her only SD (or that she doesn't have SM's - Sugar Mommies - as well).  And again, I'd avoid asking, unless you fear she's doing something that is not safe for you.  

 
It's a nuanced approach, you need to thread the needle between full honesty and a line short of actual lying.  

 
Finally, I suggest you contemplate your last sentence about "the same as with civvies."  She is a civvie. Even if she's a pro or semi pro in "real life," she's on the site as a civvie who wants an arrangement. Unless she's calling you a client or a john, I'd treat her like a civvie that you date AND provide financial help.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Trans friendly tags are almost always a no go for me.  

 
Speaking for myself personally any POT who has to go that far to show just  "how woke, left wing and open minded" she thinks she is, is probably going to be no more of interest to me than if she actually is trans. In my experience, people who are "woke and left wing" are very rarely "open minded" They are every bit as closed minded to other POVs than the worst Bible thumping conservatives, and I consider it them doing me a favor by raising the red flag for me earlier, before I have any time invested in them, rather than later after we've already gone through the dance that comes before actually meeting a POT.

Good advise, as always.

And it's a label that fits, for those of us who are otherwise unmoderated that is.

 
When you first start posting on this site ALL your posts go into moderation until you for lack of a better term "earn" the right to have your posts go live without waiting for a member of Admin to review your post to be sure it doesn't violate any TER rules.  Most of the time the board moderator will simply get tired of reading every one of your posts (well ok, not exactly, but close) and will unmoderate you without you asking, other times they will respond to a polite PM asking to be unmoderated.

 
That said, even for unmoderated posters, even on unmoderated boards like P&R, some posts go into what is called random moderation and have to be approved whenever the moderator "gets around to it" which is some cases is several hours or even the next day if one of them goes on a bender. (ok, I joke. yeah sure I do. lol) and doesn't check the queue until then.

I'll add another weird thing about moderation. And I'm sure that others can comment on it, too. DELAY OF EDITED POSTS.
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You can submit a post and have it go active immediately (no moderation).  
You might then choose to "Edit Message" (or "Edit My Post" or whatever that option says).  
You resubmit and it almost always goes into moderation with "Your message will be posted shortly." (or whatever that message is).
.
That, to me, is nuts. For me, most Edits are typos, corrections of small errors ("2002" corrected to "2020"), correction of a small but major error (e.g., forgot a critical "not": [Name] is the biggest idiot on this board. changed to [Name] is NOT the biggest idiot on this board.).  
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Does TER Admin think I'm going to submit a post dripping with sugar and honey, get it approved, and then go back and edit it to replace all the nice words with antagonistic, hateful invective requiring careful reexamination by an Admin reviewer?  
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If something controversial does get past reviewers (or the auto-post w/o review) readers can always use "Report this post" to ask to have it removed or edited or moved to a different board.  
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Long posting delays for simple edits is dumb.

Odd, that hasn't happened to me.  Just yesterday I posted on a few threads, realized I made several typos, and went back and edited them. The edited posts were live right away, no delay.  What you're describing really seems unnecessary, and random.

Once upon a time ALL posts that were edited had to go through the moderation queue because of the spineless little weasels that would make a really stupid post, get a bunch of replies telling the poster just how fucking dumb he was and why, only to have the poster go make and edit his post to make the replies look stupid and out of context. This would allow the moderator to read the edited post and make the decision to allow the edit "as is" without adding or subtracting something himself for context.

 
This was WAY back in the day and things haven't been that way in years, MOST posts that are edited go live immediately as you say, but occasion they do get hung up in moderation which is kind of irritating, but it's better than when ALL edited posts went into moderation queue

Since I never make stupid posts, I never thought of that explanation (editing posts to make critical replies appear wrong) ... but I now recall reading people complain about it happening. It seems to me that there would be an easy software fix:
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If the post does not yet have a reply, then allow the edit to be posted immediately.
If the post does have one or more replies, then send it to the moderation queue.  
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Most of my edited posts are on P&R and it seems that most of them get delayed even if the "Edit" time stamp is one minute after the original post time stamp and even my post starts a new thread and doesn't have any replies yet.

First off PLEASE tell me how a software fix can tell what was changed by editing a post and if said change diametrically changed the meaning of the post, short of having a HUMAN read it of course?

 
Secondly, you just contradicted yourself about when a post goes into moderation queue and when it doesn't. Just like random moderation it all seems to be VERY random.

What? The software invokes a CONDITIONAL. I will repeat in more detail.  
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OP: Red is green. Blue is yellow.  
Reply: You're an idiot. Red is red. Green is green. Blue is blue. Yellow is yellow.
(Attempted) Edit of OP: Red is red. Green is green. Blue is blue. Yellow is yellow.
"If the post DOES HAVE one or more replies, then send it to the moderation queue."
Edited post goes to moderation and the edit is rejected.
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OP: Red is green. Blue is yellow.
Ooops! My bad. I better correct that before someone replies.
Edit of OP: Red is red. Green is green. Blue is blue. Yellow is yellow.
"If the post DOES NOT YET HAVE A REPLY, then allow the edit to be posted immediately."
Edited post goes up immediately, w/o moderation because the software determines that there is, as yet, no reply..