I did a search for addiction on this board and did not see anything helpful to my problem.  Thought about posting on the Newbie board, but I think this requires some professional advice.

I just started the hobby a month ago and I've been with 5 providers and have two more appointments scheduled in the next week.  I also have a list of three more that I want to schedule and I have already found one that I want to repeat with on a regular basis.  

I understand how Elliot Spitzer ran up an $80k bill with escorts.  I am seriously concerned about getting this under control lest I crash and burn.  All I can think about are my last and next appointment, to the detriment of my job, my social life and my family obligations.  The act itself (other than the $$$) does not seem to be the problem, it is the anticipation and reflection on the act itself that is so distracting.

Is this normal for a newbie, will I mature in the hobby after a few more visits or is this the kind of behavior that I should be concerned about?

The financial implications have so far been managable (I've blown my bonus for the year, but have not inflicted any serious damage on the finances) but I cannot sustain this pace indefinitely.  My realistic level of activity should be about 1 visit a month.  

I am a recovering alcoholic (24 years sober) so I know I am predisposed to addictive behaviors.  I feel like I need to complete a sampling of a dozen providers before I can emotionally commit to a more sustainable level of hobbying. However as I was with drinking, I am concerned that I will continue to find reasons to keep searching and will not settle into a sustainable level of activity.  

Sorry for the long winded explanation, but I think there is a question in here somewhere that I would appreciate your learned opinion on.

Dear OldNewGuy,

If you are as concerned as you appear to be, please seek help at the nearest psychotherapist's office, preferably one that specializes in impulse control disorders. If you are stating "all I can think about are my last and next appointment, to the detriment of my job, my social life and my family obligations," it indicates that there is a risk of compromising your responsibilities...and that's NOT what the hobby is for.

On the other hand, if this is a familiar pattern to you [I'm assuming you're in AA and have a sponsor,] please take it up at the next meeting and discuss it with your other recovering buddies. Maybe they can help you out. Clearly, the way you describe it, this is not about meeting with a provider or two and and going to work a happy, satisfied man for some time. This issue is related to your unstable dopamine pathways and you may need to be medicated if cognitive interventions are not sufficient.

On the third hand, 5 providers in one month does not seem excessive from the standpoint of variety. However, and it is a big HOWEVER: if your finances are compromised, if your job suffers, if your family obligations are becoming impacted, then it's not about variety, it's about loss of control. And as such, maybe even one provider is too much for you.

Finally, if you can promise yourself to cut back to 1 visit a month, then you've got your problem under control. But get some assistance to help you stay on track, please.

Good luck and thank you for opening up on this board,

the Love Goddess

Hey ONG

I luckily don't share your addiction - if it is one - but I can understand it completely. One thing you may want to do is mix up your experiences with providers who only provide FBSM and the like. It is very much less expensive in terms of time and money and it might do the trick between full escort sessions. But you need to be careful with the finances - that will tell you if you have a problem.

Well,
Since you are using an alias, I can't pm you. I am also a friend of Bill W's since 7/10/95.

I would suggest you read chapter 3 of the big book, the first part of it where thy talk about trying different spirits, different times, solemn vows,  if you have 24 years you know the part I am talking about.
People on this board will tell you to switch providers, only do it once a week, only when you are out of town.  You can basically rewrite chapter 3 just substituting sex for alcohol.
That is the way it should be for them because they are normal and able to handle the hobby.  Just as you had to ask yourself whether you could drink like normal people, you need to ask yourself if you can hobby like normal people.  And if you can "our hats are off to you".

I would remind you that we alcholics are powerless over more than just alcohol and your life is starting to sound like it is unmanagable.

Just as with Alcohol, only you can decide if you have a problem and are powerless.  Working powerlessness in AA may not work for you since you won't get the same type/level of support regarding sex you would get for drugs/alcohol.  Think about it,  Who do you know who reset their sobriety date because they had sex outside their marriage???

I would talk to my sponsor, don't know if you are still going to meetings.  Meetings as you know, are for topics related to alcohol which this is not.
There are other 12 step groups.  It is a little more complicated than AA which doesn't distinguish between beer, wine, or hard liquor.
SA requires abstinance form sex unless you are married to your partner which is unrealistic for most single people in a relationship.  There are some others which do not require abstinance and may be a better fit for you.  You will need to find out what is available in your area.

If you are looking for my latest story, just run a search with me as the author the last 60 days or so when Love Goddess saved me from crashing/burning with my ATF.  I was clearly powerless and she and others brought that to my attention which I thank them for incidentally.

Feel free to PM me if you want.  I go through the same stuggles you do.  All I have to share is my experience, strength and hope.

-- Modified on 7/22/2008 9:52:04 PM

Hi ONG,
Like you I started with what might be described as a binge.  Do I think about my lady friends a lot?  YES, absolutely.  But I have gotten it under some control & limited myself to +/- once a month.  I accumulate cash in an unmarked folder in my desk from my spending money, and when enough is there I usually find someone to spend it on.  Actually, I'm over 2 months right now...  but that's ok.  
I was concerned about my binge...  and it does play on your mind.  Get help if you need it but I think you can grasp control.
skb
(7 reviews)

-- Modified on 7/24/2008 6:22:08 AM

I am borderline addicted to the hobby in that I feel restless and irritable if I go more than a week without a session, but financially I am able to make things work.

To keep from going overboard, I started about five years ago to write down on a ledger every transaction I make regarding the hobby in great detail of now just costs, but for what (dinner, hotels, etc.) and with whom and when.

I total up the costs quarterly and compare them to previous quarters.

I review it every day.

I find that it tends to keep me more focused and able to withstand the urge to go hog wild.  (Which I still do on occasion.)

I don't know you so please take what I say with a grain of salt:  At first, it sounded like you had just found the hobby and were going through a period that many of us have experienced where we can't believe what fun we are having and maybe go overboard.  But then you said it was interfering with your finances, job, family.  Then you were open enough to reveal that you were a long time sober alcoholic.  I really congratulate your sobriety and have deep respect for the strength you have to be able to have accomplished that.  As you know, it is one of the hardest things a human being can accomplish.  I hope you can use the good sense and strength you clearly have to see if this is dangerous for you and to get help before things get out of hand. Only you can know, but "slow down" may not be an option.

I wish I could help you but I have an even bigger problem.  I have been at this only 3 1/2 months and have already had 22 sessions.  4 of them 2 hours long.  I have loved every minute and have met so many wonderful people.  It is as if my sexual life is starting in my 50's.  Almost everything I have experienced with providers, I have never done before.  I guess I was a late bloomer, got married to a prudish wife and that was it, until now.  Session #23 is in 2 1/2 hours.  This is not a chemical addiction, too much of this just gives you more laugh lines on your face and you no longer have to worry about what to do with your disposable income.

I'm only in my 40s and my next session is next week.

was given by Orthodx. Go back and read what he wrote a couple of times. I too, am recovering, just celebrated 23 years. Our addictions are not limited to our drugs of choice. Women are also a mood altering, wonderful "commodity". (for lack of a better word) We are not normal people. Our addictive behavior and personalities make us much more prone to other addictions beyond drugs. We are much more likely to get obseessed with something we enjoy, like hobbying. When I first started, I did quite the same thing as you. I couldn't get enough. Thankfully, I have slowed considerably, and can enjoy the ladies less frequently now. In fact, I've found that I enjoy them more when I go for longer periods of time between visits. Don't get me wrong. I'm still addicted to them, but have found a very nice comfort zone.

I truly hope you work through this, and can enjoy the things that make you happy.

I have been at this hobby about 36 years. I started in Thailand. It was not uncommon for me to
have 5 sessions a night 4 nights a week. I was 22 years old then. I now have a regular provider and do 2 sessions a month. Things change over time.

That's f***ing incredible! That comes out to 20 sessions a week. That would be impossible for me at any age. Ever! I guess only in Thailand could one afford that at age 22.

Interestingly, I did a poll on another board which revealed that 20% of the respondants felt that they were addicted to the hobby. I was really surprised.

Anyone with 24 years in recovery could have answered their own question.  When a behavior causes you problems and you don't stop it, it makes you an 'ick'.  You can put alcohol, sexahol, whatever in front of that.  
If you can afford your providers, have a nice day.  If you can't, get help.
mvr

I've tried just about every addictive substance known to mankind, and the hobby is the only thing that stuck.

ONG,
I'm not a shrink, or a recovering alcoholic, but I can sympathize with where you are.  I have a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder and went exactly where you did in the beginning in this hobby.  I was the kid in the candy store, just couldn't get enough and spent well above what I really could afford without drawing the suspicions of my wife.  I lucked out with a provider who brought up the idea of a monthly fee for a number of sexual and non-sexual adventures.  It only lasted a short time but it did help me break the pattern in the beginning.  After that I stayed in control for a while, but then fell into the obsession again.  This time I saw a therapist and after several visits, he suggested a Sex Anonymous group.  Just the thought of me going through that helped me gain control.  I actually left the hobby for a while, getting caught up with an affair as an alternative, but the strings there had to be broken.  But I will not forget the feeling I had when I was driving to my first SA meeting, which I never entered, and that memory has served me to keep things under control ever since.  I wish you all the luck in dealing with your own devil.

It's only 20% because the rest of us are in denial, a common condition in addictions. Just wait until we all hit bottom.

You're most definitely right about affordability, however when someone is in their addiction, their accounting ability can go out the window, if indeed it was there to begin with. There is a big difference between being able to afford something vs. having the money in hand. For many of us, while in our addictions, having the money in hand can equal being able to afford it (the addiction).

You win the prize! You hit it right on the head, and I still owe you a root beer float.

-- Modified on 7/24/2008 5:08:48 PM

$1.50 for short time $3.00 for all night. Year 1971-73