lol. Yes, she is into bdsm
I've been in a conversation with a POT who keeps saying she likes a man "who takes the lead" and says she is "naturally obedient."
I guess I'm fine with the idea of a man who takes charge but thinking about code words and if that particular lifestyle has too many kinks for me. Any experience there?
Mouche, a disclaimer first: I have some opinions, but not much actual experience. That said, there are degrees in dom/sub relationships that matter a lot. If a girl gets off on being told what to do, rather than being asked: turn around, bend over, suck my cock, etc. That could be the level of naturally obedience that she's looking for. And I personally would enjoy that. But kinkier dom/sub relationships go much further along the spectrum. They will involve intentionally degrading the girl, handling her roughly and with disrespect, even intentionally causing pain. No judgement! If it's consensual and that floats your boats, party on! I would try to find out what her actual fantasy about being obedient entails.
I had one young lady ask me if I liked "CNC". I said that I didn't know what that was. She responded, "It means 'consensual, non-consensual'". Definition courtesy of the internet: "Involving pre-negotiated scenarios where participants engage in roleplay that mimics non-consensual acts, all within the boundaries of mutual agreement and trust."
She was the same girl who asked me if I'd be willing to learn Shibari (creative rope bondage).
Sadly, she moved out of my area before we were able to explore either.
CNC requires some specific procedures for safety. The most obvious is a safe word protocol. One of the pleasures most CNC enthusiasts enjoy is when the sub says Stop! and the dom ignores it! It's all part of the fun. But you do need a safe word, something you'd probably never need to say normally during sex, Something like pineapple or porcupine. If either person says that word, you will both stop immediately.
One procedure for safe words that has a bit more nuance is the red light, green light, yellow light system. Green means good to go, Red means stop, and yellow means don't stop but proceed with caution.
If your sessions include hard physical stuff like slapping, hitting, etc, one more caution is necessary. I have this on good authority from a kinkster very experienced in rough play, that she loves pain and will beg for more. You must agree on limits before the session begins, and never go beyond those limits during play, no matter how much the sub begs for it. In other words, during the session, you can always turn a yes into a no if you change your mind. But you can never change a no into a yes.
Finally, I'm told that serious kinksters will never perform choking. I know that's contrary to what you think you see in porn, and contrary to popular belief. But the neck/throat has way too many delicate structures in it to be treated roughly. Serious injury and permanent damage can result from choking. Don't do it. I've been asked, and refused.
As noted by the other responses, being submissive can mean different things to different women.
For some, it means they just don't want to have to make decisions on anything from where to eat to, well "what to eat" :p so to speak. They want a man to take charge; it makes them feel safe and valued.
For others, submissive is a cover term that translates to a desire to be dominated. That could include giving physical directions for sexual acts all the way to more forceful actions by you, to degrading/humiliating role play, to rough-sex actions like slapping, spanking, choking, hair pulling, restraints, and in rare cases even causing some level of pain or leaving marks.
I've had a few SB's that lean into the role play and physical stuff up to a limit. That limit was always discussed in advance, at the start of every BCD session. It is, as always, about mutual consent. You must ask and ensure you understand limits before you start playing. I've had a few sessions where she wanted much more than I was comfortable doing. I don't want to leave marks, cause bleeding, wrench muscles, or create phycological trauma. Plus, sometimes I just want a long, slow, deep BJ while I admire her ass. LOL I will return the favor, of course.
A good way to start the pre-sex discussion is to ask her about what happened with a past partner that she really wants to repeat. Then there's the usual safety stuff; establish a safe word and safe gesture, agree on a few "check in" spots periodically so she can take a breath and reconfirm all is good to continue. And very important, especially after a lot of hard role-playing, an after-care action like gentle hugs, soothing words of affection, offering a towel or water, etc. That affection serves as a balance to the more intense moments.
Interestingly, both of my current Porn Stars are into some level of this. With the Asian PS, I've been asked to slap her face and choke her harder, spank until her ass glows red, and more. I was concerned at first that she was just doing what she thought I wanted based on some of her more intense kink scenes. But after a bit more clarification and based on how wet she got begging me to choke her, I stepped it up to my limit, but no further. I'll admit, I can get into it, but it's not my primary method of deriving pleasure.
My advice: At the appropriate time, ask her what turns her on, specifically. Then align your comfort levels and boundaries with her and enjoy the fantasy.
Life is good
The Cat
Her limits are very important. this is something that you need to be clear on. You don't want to go too far and scare or hurt her.
Obedient may mean she will give you a blow job when you tell her. Or it could mean slap her around, tie her up and do what you want.
Netnoy is spot on.
I'll only add that you need to understand your own limits and boundaries as well, then communicate them during the discussion.
Some may really want you to tie them up, tightly, and for hours. They may want you to denigrate them by using some of their personal past issues against them. They may want you to injure them at some level. They may want you to surprise them with something outrageous, like using oversized toys/objects, or bringing in another guy (or several) unannounced to (consensually) non-consensually fuck her.
Do you really want to do any of these to another person? Do you have an idea of your level of acceptance? What will you truly enjoy? What will you be ok doing for her even if it doesn't really do much for you? What is your outer limit that defines what you definitely will not do?
A long time ago, while I was still living in the Bay Area of California, I met a POT for a M&G and we seemed to click well. She told me she was into role play like Daddy, Teacher, Police Officer, etc. She asked me to buy her suitable cosplay outfits for these scenarios, and the next day I poured over Shien to get the goods. When we finally met for our first BCD, she changed the script. She told me she wanted to be r**ed by a "burglar." That included rope, hand cuffs, "forcing myself" into her while she struggled and hitting her on the face and stomach hard enough to compel her to submit.
That was way past my comfort level! First, it made me think she may be trying to self-treat some serious trust issues and past trauma. Next it made me wonder if it could also be a trap where she will take pics of her affected body parts and threaten to go to the police to file criminal charges. I ended up giving her the promised allowance and sent her home. Later I texted her to let her know I was moving on and wished her luck finding what she was looking for.
Bullet dodged.
Life is good - but know your limits.
The Cat