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The Erotic Highway

"sexual surrogate"...
Yasodhara See my TER Reviews 4507 reads
posted

Cindy,

I'm a dakini.  And I have worked with men who have had all kinds of issues with erectile and orgasmic functioning, and helped them get back into their bodies and feel good about being sexual again.  My point is that you don't get there by playing on insecurity and perpetuating some myth about erection being the sole defining feature of sexuality.  So what if a guy doesn't get it up anymore, or not like he used to?  There is still an entire world of pleasure and response to be explored.  And once you drop the obsession with outdated models of male sexuality, the erection oftens comes back.

Ginger_Cookie6120 reads

Love Goddess, I am not sure how to word this question so please bear with me.

I am a provider who has men of various ages, youngest is age 25 and the oldest I've seen so far is 62.    Some of the younger men get very energetic and eager to try all kinds of varied positions,  I have one regular who would love to have sex standing on his head if he could figure out the logistics.  These guys are fantastic but its about like playing twister naked with some of them.

I have a regular who's been scheduling a session every week since I started escorting earlier this year.  He's 55 and has health issues, he's on meds for blood pressure, high cholestrol and something else - his meds don't allow for a full erection.  So his weekly sessions so far have always been blow jobs, I won't swallow him because of all the meds he's on (he understands this).

The gentleman saw an ad I placed recently stating I enjoyed a "rock the boat, raise the roof ride".  He asked what that meant and I explained its referring to the younger guys who like to get creative.  Now my regular is saying he wants to get some viagra so he can see what he's missing.

I told him I don't think he's missing anything.  The gentlemen is very passive, he has told me he's never daty and has no interest in it, fingering me is like going to the gyno so I stopped taking my pants off around him and during a bj he lays there quiet with his eyes closed like he's sleeping.  I have a feeling his getting viagra is going to be a total waste of time and money but the man insists he wants to know what he's missing.

What do you think I should tell him or do with him?  

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TheLoveGoddess5274 reads

Well, Ginger_Cookie,

For a while there I thought YOU were the client and he the provider! Did it ever occur to you that this is a SERVICE INDUSTRY and that you are there to serve the client in helping him improve his sexlife in the best way possible?

For one, I think you should drop your slightly dismissive stance and become super-encouraging. You must be very young yourself, or else you would realize that this guy was once in the very same shoes of those "twister dudes" you find so fantastic. Did it ever occur to you that all the meds he's taking actually subdue his sex drive? Did it ever occur to you that maybe he WANTS to reconnect with the passion he felt when he was much younger? The guy is on a whopper of meds that don't allow for a full erection. To him, it's like having sex through layers and layers of fog - no wonder he wants to do something for himself to feel better. And who are you to rain on his parade? Huh?!?

It seems to me that you're not willing to be supportive, but want my endorsement for telling him "it's a waste of time and money." Well, I'm not going to do that at all! I hope he gets the Viagra and gets it on, not just with you, but with someone else too - perhaps someone a little less derisive and more encouraging!

I'm not buying this ageist crap at all,
The Love Goddess

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Jack in Dallas2960 reads

He should try injection therapy.  It not painfull and , man, it does the job!.

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quadseasonal4159 reads

Does it last longer than four hours..
I heard if a erection lasts longer than four hours it could be physically damaging to the mans sexual future, and the lady won't want to see him again.

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TheLoveGoddess4217 reads



-- Modified on 12/8/2009 8:39:17 PM

Related Link: Caverject for ED

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tonguelover69693885 reads

Watch out for the needles that come with Caverject.  They're about as big as darning needles.  Sort of a shotgun approach that leave a wound about 1/8th inch in diameter, and the suckers are dull, to boot.  Get your doc to prescribe something with a point or plan on major bruising in the area.
I agree the stuff works.  It's just the delivery system that they provide that is awful.

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ipeesittingdown3639 reads



-- Modified on 12/8/2009 8:36:39 PM

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Yasodhara4289 reads

LG,  I have to take issue with telling a provider that her job is to "serve the client in helping him improve his sexlife in the best way possible."  That's overreaching.  Sex workers are not therapists or doctors.  You sound personally irritated.  Isn't it the job of a therapist to support their clients?  Although a therapist who discusses her personal sexcapades on a website where she advertises her services probably isn't much of a professional.

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CindyGold4735 reads

... though sexual surrogacy is argueably "above my pay grade"..!! ;) Ha!

But seriously- I'm a former psych major... so when I'm in a session I often attempt draw from that knowledge and help a bit with people's psycho-sexual woes. For those on here not fammilar, "a sex surrogate is a member of a sex therapy team who engages in intimate physical or sexual relations with a patient in order to achieve a therapeutic goal." (Sadly this noble profession is only legal in California, but I digress...)

So Ginger_Cookie, THIS is probably what *I* would so if *I* was in you the described session...

1.) I would take my pants off and grab a bottle of lube and actually SHOW this man how to touch me in a way that didn't feel like a "gyno exam." Trust me, I've been there!  Some guys truely have never had a partner SHOW them different techniques and are stumbling around in the dark, so to speak, when it comes to how to please their partner. You will be doing this man AND any other women in his life a HUGE favor!

2.) While he is doing the above, alternate between lightly kissing his neck and nipples etc.. Touch him on his dick, but use one hand to stroke and caress, while using the other hand to firmly encircle the base- this will manually work almost like a cock ring and will help to keep things rigid by forcing the blood to stay in the shaft! The added contact of all the kissing etc will hopefully help to keep his mind engaged and distract him from focusing on his lack of a full erection- if he keeps thinking about his performance issues it will only WORSEN the problem!

3.) Tell him that until he gets his meds from his doctor you want to try something new. Go to any sex store and buy a few strechy disposable cock rings. The ones I usually carry are made of this gummy and highly elastic material (see picture.) I don't do bbbj, but you have mentioned that you do... so get the condom and the cock ring out of the packages and laid out and ready to go. Then go down on him bb to get him as hard as possible, QUICKLY roll the condom on, and put the cock ring at the base. At this point you want to suck and move you your mouth from the base to tip- using your mouth almost like a penis pump! QUICKLY lie back and put your legs on his shoulders and attempt missionary... Guide his movements until things get going (this will prevent him from slipping out if he isn't fully hard.) If he starts to lose steam, you can always have him straddle you or kneel next to you and go down on him for a few seconds and then try again.

4.) If after all this he is not able to stay erect enough to continue with penetration, pull both the cock ring and condom off and do bbbj for a bit... Then put the cock ring back on and try Russian- ie lube up you boobs and encircle his dick either with you sitting or else with you lying down and him straddling you... Even if none of these techniques actually lead him to orgasm (and you still have to end with a bbbj,) going through the motions will liven things up and help to make him feel like he's being "wild" like the younger guys! ;)

Of course these methods are by no means FULL PROOF, but I've used these techniques on piles of guys and the forementioned things have helped many guys significantly!

Good luck!

Related Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_surrogate

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TheLoveGoddess4191 reads

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G22795 reads

I actually had the pleasure of dating a former sex surrogate who worked for quite a few years while she was getting her degrees.  It was also my good fortune to have her train me- presumably for her own benefit, in order to turn me into an acceptable lover.

But that's the entire point- and thank you dear lady for writing item #1 especially.  If women would get over this need to be romanced and seduced before sex, men might actually get good at understanding the female body.  Sure, we all think we know everything, but we really don't because we're not allowed to look around in the light, play with the equipment, and actually learn about our partner.  

If more women would say to their lovers, look, I want to take you for a little tour of my most intimate areas and show you how to take me to the heights of ecstasy, because there are things that only I know and I want to share them with you.  I think most guys would jump at that invitation.  And while it may sound a little clinical, it can be very sexy.  Trust me, my friend did almost exactly that to me.  

Then, she did something for which I will always be in her debt- she let me use her body to practice the art of male multiple orgasms.  And I say use her body, because that's exactly what it was- it wasn't making love, it was training me to understand my sexual response at the same time I was learning how to please her.

You can't learn to be a better lover while you're trying to impress your partner with your suave, stud moves on a date.  But if a woman allows you to learn with her body, then you can become a great lover.  However, that's tough to do even with escorts, and impossible to do while dating, which is why so many men don't really know how much more there is to learn.

And frankly, men should do the same for their partners too, but since we usually get off without too much effort we don't bother.  As I've gotten older, however, I've come to realize how little some women know about men's sexual response, because unlike young men who don't need anything more than to see a bra drop to the floor to get wood, we older guys need a little more help.  So lots of women learn bad habits in their youth and then carry them over to middle age, never really having had to work very hard at learning to please a man, and then getting frustrated when he doesn't instantly respond.

Anyway, I applaud your attitude and approach and hope others will follow your lead.

-- Modified on 12/10/2009 1:22:05 AM

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Yasodhara4508 reads

Cindy,

I'm a dakini.  And I have worked with men who have had all kinds of issues with erectile and orgasmic functioning, and helped them get back into their bodies and feel good about being sexual again.  My point is that you don't get there by playing on insecurity and perpetuating some myth about erection being the sole defining feature of sexuality.  So what if a guy doesn't get it up anymore, or not like he used to?  There is still an entire world of pleasure and response to be explored.  And once you drop the obsession with outdated models of male sexuality, the erection oftens comes back.

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Orgasmathon5200 reads

So far I agree with everything said. I would like to ask, is the only kind of sex you like PIV? There is so much more to erotic BLISS perhaps you can find some alternatives! Ever tried tantra?

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shudaknownbetter4348 reads

Lots of us use doctor prescribed Viagra.  I would encourage him to do so if his doctor agrees.  Do not be a lazy provider.  Don't be afraid that his erection will not go away.  It will fade quite normally over a minute or 2 post ejaculation.
He should learn to use the smallest dose possible to get the desired effect...  IMHE  bigger doses don't work better but are a waste of money.  My doctor prescribes the largest size (100 mg) which I cut with a pill cutter as also instructed by my doctor.  (They taste like crap, he'll not hold a cut one in his mouth a second time.)  
IF you do not want to perform F/S than you should direct him to a provider who is willing to put YOUR $$$ interests aside for his benifit.  HE wants to feel as much sex as he is capable of...  
skb

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HDDOC963008 reads

the viagra.  Either way seeing a physician couldn't hurt.
HDDOC96

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shudaknownbetter3864 reads

Given that he is on a bunch of meds...  he really needs a doctor's advise.  These days, with all the advertizing, doc's are used to getting questions.  That's what you pay them for.  
One just says GirlFriend...  I never specify how long she's been my GF.
skb

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Boricualover3627 reads

And you should feel very fortunate to have a client who is that loyal and comfortable with you. If he wants vitamin V, tell him to go for it!

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norton7891033599 reads

Wow, LG took her to task...thought that it was a bit harsh. I'd give you the benefit of the doubt, Ginger Cookie, but I do think that a) you should encourage him to hit the gym/diet and exercise/whatever to get him off some meds, get him to talk to the doc about whether or not Vit V would be safe and useful for him and finally TAKE THOSE PANTS OFF! and act sexy, work him over a bit and see if you cant make it a better experience for you both.

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Ginger_Cookie2872 reads

my question was taken the wrong way.  I like this gentleman, I have nothing against his age, but I doubt he'd be very vigorous just because he took a little blue pill.  If someone is a couch potato and buys a gym membership - doesn't make them athletic, does it?

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TheLoveGoddess2803 reads

You still don't understand, Ginger_Cookie,

This is not about him being athletic - this is about him enjoying the erection which has eluded him. This is about his internal feelings, not about pyrotechnics in bed.

And actually, we don't know what is going to happen. He may surprise himself - and you.

Thank you,
The Love Goddess

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sweetnicole14341 reads

omg you sound as though you just want him to come on in drop off the money and be on his way not bothering you more than he needs to.

If this client isn't working for you he should see someone who understands what his needs wants and Desires are and is willing to explore them with him.

I have seen Gentlemen and although they were nice and decent it wasn't clicking for me and I need that for me in this biz so no I won't see them again. I don't want this to be just a job so I choose who to see and who not to see. If he is that much of a problem pass on the appt and allow him to find someone who Will understand him and what he originally came to you for...to meet HIS needs, not your financial ones alone.

Oh and the viagra or cialus which ever one he chooses will most likely improve his ability and that is the point. It's not what he's missing with you, it's what he's missing of himself he wants to revitalize. To a huge degree Hon, it's not really even about you. you are just simply the other person involved and there are plenty of Ladies out there who will go out of their way to try and grasp what it is HE wants in coming to visit them. You seem to just simply dismiss his needs. I don't know, I do believe LG is right, you must be very young you seem to clueless.

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