... it happens.  

 
There is such a thing as chemistry in the arousal formula.  Have you ever spent time ... let's call it "studying"... a porn star, or stripper, or perhaps some other babe celebrity?  Her appearance and perhaps on-screen persona get you there every time and with little effort. Then one day you actually meet her and... meh!  

 
I have certainly had SB's who looked amazing from a distance. But once we got on the sheets (does anyone actually fuck under the sheets? Why?), the heat just dissipated. Those end up as one-BCD SBs for me. I generally just don't try to reschedule and let us drift apart. I'm not rude and don't "ghost" her. I just don't initiate contact, and I'm busy if she asks to meet again.  

 
So what's going on? I'm no psychology expert, but I've always believed that erections start in the mind, not the penis. There are subtle, but powerful nuances to behavior that communicate more than we realize. I'd say these, perhaps involuntary behaviors, can either compound physical attractiveness or actually overcome it, to the point that even a mechanically perfect BBBJ can fail to support your launch.  

Illustration: have you ever found yourself thinking about another woman while getting that BJ? You know... she's hoovering away like she just plugged that 110v vacuum into a 22v outlet, but you just roll up your eyes and find yourself picturing that 18-year-old grocery clerk you saw this morning, or that way-too-hot, 25-ish new hire babe from Marketing at the office dressed in a tight pencil skirt and a low-cut sweater? Yeah... me too. Damn, I wish that Marketing babe was in the bowl! :p  

 
For me, it's all about enthusiasm. If I think she WANTS to fuck - and to be specific she wants to fuck ME - I will respond no matter how good or average she looks (yes there are limits). On the other hand, if it seems like she's "phoning it in" just so she can do enough to meet the requirements of the negotiated arrangement, then I can tell.    

 
There are few "legendary" (in my mind) SB's that I have been lucky enough to have over the years. When she leaves after a date and I find myself automatically saying: "I love fucking that girl!", I know she's a keeper.  Sadly, I have not always been to actually keep her. But as we all know, all arrangements end.  

 
All that stated: My advice (if you still care LOL) is to let her slip away. There are literally thousands of new SB profiles coming onto Seeking every month in your state.  As long as human biology continues to function, there will always be women turning 18+ and some percent of them will join he sugar bowl.  

 
Life is good.  

 
The Cat

My favorite part of this excellent post was when you said ""I love fucking that girl!".  I've def had that experience, driving home from a wonderful date with an established SB, in a state akin to floating on air.  When the connection and the chemistry are that good, it really elevates sugar dating to it's highest plane.  There are 2 in my rotation right now, for which this is true, even though one of them is leaving the state soon.  Sometimes, during the festive activities I look her in the eye and blurt out, "I love fucking you so much!"  She always replies "I love the way you fuck me so much!"

But, getting back to the OP's question, sometimes the chemistry isn't there.  I sit pheromones, attitude, whatever?  I've had a few cases where one encounter was all I needed to know a repeat was not gonna happen.  The most obvious was a nurse I dated years ago.  We got in bed and disagreed about posture, of all things.  I like missionary with my legs bent and her knees drawn up so I can really get in there and screw her deeply.  She didn't like that, and kept pushing my legs down straight behind me and her legs straight as well.  Very awkward for me that way.  Total incompatibility in bed.  

But in your post it seems like you never got hard enough to make it that far.  I've had that happen as well.  It might be that I was slightly ill at the time, or her very mechanical attitude, but whatever, it just did not work. The little guy never woke up.  I wouldn't get too upset about it, as long as it's a very rare occurrence.  

I am a long time lurker but haven’t posted here in a while. I started doing this over seeing escorts and cannot go back ever  

1. Sense of smell - bypasses the brain prefrontal cortex and goes straight to emotion center- maybe they don’t smell as good ?

2. Once you’ve been w a fabulous girl and in recent memory, comparison kills any enjoyable sex - as herbcat also said above

Can you elaborate more on the differences?  I've not started sugar dating yet, but I'm seriously thinking about it because my sessions with escorts have become profoundly unsatisfying.  The lack of connection and relationship diminishes the whole experience to the point it feels like shaking hands. I'm curious as to what the connections/relationships are like in sugar dating because it also seems transactional. Any enlightenment  you can give will be appreciated.

Well that IS the difference. Sugar dating is DATING. You are both (generally) looking for the totality of the experience, not a timed event with a checklist of positions that must be completed before the bell.  

 
To be sure, there is a transactional structure underlying the relationship, and in many ways that makes dating each other easier.  But your arrangement consists of dates-not bookings, companionship-not sex menus, sharing of experiences-not optimizing (value)=(sex acts)/(time). It's a real relationship where each contributes something meaningful to the other expressed in terms of what they have to offer that the other does not.  It's dating.  

 
For an older, successful guy, it's dating beautiful women who don't have mid-life baggage, who appreciate a gentleman that can help her, teach her, guide her and if you are doing it right, fucking the living shit out of her in a way that 20-ish douchebag bar pickup can't (i.e.: SD's eat pussy, a lot, they make damn sure she comes - a lot, they focus on her a lot.)  For an SB, she gets attention and respect, love and affection, a moral and financial support resource who wants her to grow and reach her greatest potential, and who loves the way she fucks, a lot.  

 
Now there is nothing wrong with booking a pro. I have been in the Sugar Bowl over 10 years and I still book a pro 3 to 4 times a year.  

 
So dip your toe in the water and ask a 18+ babe out for drinks. If you like each other offer her a dating arrangement and set up your 1st full date and see how much you enjoy the experience.  

 
The please report back here. We'd love to hear about your journey!  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I think the difference is in the sugar bowl the girl has the option to choose you or not and in many cases will mean they want some attraction. Not always. And sometimes it's just an attraction to your wallet. But when it works that's the big difference, you have a gal who really wants you. It's still going to feel transactional in a way and don't expect any freebies but you both chalk that up to the idea that you're helping support each other's goals.

I will echo what others have said just my few cents in addition  

1. It is “dating” that creates the rush and excitement and having sex w a lightly used body - that creates possibilities for real orgasms  and say, scratching your back and screaming your name (I’ve had this happen to me lol)  

2. You need to avoid the escorts on seeking - they are plentiful now and will quickly switch to text and throw out ppm and rate - nothing wrong w it, just know it is not much better than what you have right now  

3. It is still transactional never forget that - young hot women aren’t dying to fuck older men they privately might find gross no matter the  stories we spin to ourselves - so you have to keep the illusion within reason - and make sure you make it worth their while - many will drop you in a heartbeat no matter how much you thought she “liked” you  

4. Read up on the old threads here from veterans - pretty much everything you need to start is available as helpful tips and guides

I think we might have mental templates of specific body forms that trigger our lust.  Not sure when we picked them up, might have been in early youth (momma?) or sometime in our past.  It could be very subtle things too.  But we get a match and our meter pegs.  
.
I know from browsing porn that some girls catch my eye immediately and others are meh, though most are quite sexy to the typical guy.

Thanks to all for your valuable insights.