I'm a good-looking straight male in his 30's and I've got this intense fetish (really an obsession) with female butts.  I love everything about them - touching them, feeling them, licking them, rimming them, and ramming my penis inside them during anal sex. I shouldn't admit this and I know it sounds mean, but if I never had to look at a woman's face again during sex, I wouldn't have a problem with it.   With women I've dated in the past, I've always kept somewhat of a lid on my "obsession" with their asses because I don't want them to get freaked out about it.  As I rapidly approach 40 and never having been married, I really wonder if I'll ever meet a woman who understands my deep-seated desire for the female butt.  Every time I date a new woman, I'm really afraid to "open up" to them about it.  The vast majority of the time I start mentioning anal sex, they instantly judge me and rapidly change the subject.  I've dated several hundred women in my life and I've only met about 10 who were into anal sex.  I guess part of the reason I haven't gotten married yet is because I WANT to be satisfied only at home by a woman who will give me anal sex.  I'm so consumed at the thought of anal sex, that I just know I would cheat on my future wife if she didn't provide it.  Why do most women hate anal sex so much and what should I do to meet a woman who enjoys it so much like me so I can get married someday? Should I marry a porn star or provider?   Do I need psychological help to cure me of my fetish/obsession that is seemingly out of control?

Oh the jokes a shrink could make out of your posting, Buttplugger,

I'm trying to restrain myself from answering in somewhat of a punny jest. It's not working very well. I just have to say it: Dear Buttplugger, you are arrested at the Freudian psychosexual ANAL STAGE and can't get out of it!

Ok, now that's done, and we can get on with more serious matters. Why do most women hate anal sex so much? First of all, I don't think most women HATE anal sex, but clearly, many are not fond of it. Why? Maybe because it hurts? It could be as simple as that. Also, some women are so intensely clitorally and vaginally orgasmic, that travels up the Hershey highway just doesn't do it for them. And of course, we've got the intense cultural taboo against putting things up the butt - for good reason. It's the area where poop comes out. Excrement is waste, and there are loads of germs in that waste. So possibility of disease and infection might be another factor for why people in general associate the anus with things going out and nothing going in.

What should you do to meet a woman who enjoys it so much like you, so that you can get married some day? Well, I sure hope that ain't the criterion for getting married. As is evidenced by the members of this board, sexual practices alone are not good indicators of a happy marriage. There are plenty of players on TER who profess to be happily married. So clearly, they weren't looking for a woman who could deliver the best BJ's or come up with the most positions when they said their vows. Generally, marriage entails a meeting of the minds in most arenas OTHER than the sexual.

Should you marry a porn star or provider? Well, yes, if you both fall in love with each other and apply the criteria above. Try to match up everything NON-sexual, to ensure that you share the same philosophy when it comes to creating a mutually satisfying household. Outside of their professions, porn stars and providers who are married are usually responsible parents, mortgage payers, and generally engage in the same mundane activities as the rest of the world out there. But yes, if the stars align along every galaxy, AND there is a fondness for anal sex, why not? But watch out - plenty of providers and porn stars don't necessarily like it in their spare time. It could be a function of their profession!

Do you need psychological help to "cure" you of your fetish? Well, if you came to my office and we were in session, I would not attempt to "cure" you of your fetish. I believe that your fetish is totally fine - if you treat it as a fetish, and not as an obsession. But, since you allude to the fact that it might be just that - meaning, you have constant thoughts about butts, how to score the next butt, you can't concentrate at work, your whole life revolves around butt-thoughts - then we'd go deeper and plumb the depths [egads, pun, couldn't resist] of your thinking pattern, and perhaps fine comb your life in a historical sense, to explore the topic from all angles.

Another issue would be, what if you find a woman who loves anal sex, but has a bunch of other, problematic life issues? Would you be with her regardless, as long as you got to butt plug her whenever? Maybe that's a problem...you are willing to overlook some serious deficiencies in a woman, as long as she butters up to you [sorry again}.

I really believe the issue deserves to be processed, and perhaps this forum will not be satisfying enough for you. Talking to a sex therapist might actually help. Not to "cure," but to explore.

Let's hear it from our esteemed board members, shall we?
the Love Goddess

Gotta agree with Love Goddess above... anal sex should not be and is not, a criteria for getting married.  Marriage is more work than play, and try to imagine if sex were the mainstay, don't know of many folks who could copulate 18 hours a day - there is much more to it than that... for me personally, my bride is my best friend - and while her sex drive is diminished, when it does appear it is with a vengeance.  
Simply put, if you fall in love with someone, go for it... and hobby on the side to get your sexual needs taken care of.

Thanks Love Goddess, but some lingering questions:

LG:  "First of all, I don't think most women HATE anal sex, but clearly, many are not fond of it. Why? Maybe because it hurts?"

I thought that stimulating a woman's G spot through the rectum was the most pleasurable way to do so.  Also, Anal sex shouldn't hurt, especially with lots of lube and a man who knows what he's doing.  I think a lot of women try anal sex in their youth with inexperienced guys who just "ram it in".  With that bad experience, most don't want to try again.

LG: "What should you do to meet a woman who enjoys it so much like you, so that you can get married some day? Well, I sure hope that ain't the criterion for getting married. "

Well, obviously there's a lot of other factors too, but it IS a deal breaker for me.  If she isn't going to give me anal sex after we get married, then I won't marry her, unless she agrees I can "see" other women for that purpose.  But how many women would allow that - very few, I believe.

This is how important it is to me. Let's say I had two women, both of whom I were equally compatible with.  One was drop-dead gorgeous, a 10, and the other was just okay, like a 6 or 7.  Let's say the 10 would never ever do anal with me and the 6 or 7 would.  I would definitely marry the 6 or 7.  Looks aren't that important to me, but anal sex definitely is!  Yes, maybe I am obsessed by it!

LG:"But, since you allude to the fact that it might be just that - meaning, you have constant thoughts about butts, how to score the next butt, you can't concentrate at work, your whole life revolves around butt-thoughts..."

Yes, I do have constant thoughts about butts and how to score the next one.  I wouldn't say that it affects my job, but every woman I work with I do fantasize about being deep inside her rectum!  

LG:"Another issue would be, what if you find a woman who loves anal sex, but has a bunch of other, problematic life issues? Would you be with her regardless, as long as you got to butt plug her whenever? Maybe that's a problem...you are willing to overlook some serious deficiencies in a woman, as long as she butters up to you "

I think that's probably true, unfortunately.  Anal sex, to me, overshadows other deficiencies.  Most deficiencies I'm okay with, because I believe most issues can be cured with psychological counseling.  Fortunately, since I'm pretty well off financially, I don't know too many issues that couldn't be solved with my available resources.  I guess - more to your point - and I really believe this, I would marry a homeless woman, IF I loved her, she was compatable with me, and she liked anal sex.  

LG:"I really believe the issue deserves to be processed, and perhaps this forum will not be satisfying enough for you. Talking to a sex therapist might actually help. Not to "cure," but to explore. "

What do you mean by this?  I really don't know anything about sex therapists.  What would they be able to do?  Call me ignorant, but I always thought sex therapists were really glorified sexual surrogates.  

Thanks, Love Goddess!

you will get the reputation of being a boring, one-note lover. I know, because I had personal experience with a guy who had nothing but anal on the brain, 24/7.

Believe me, it got old fast. Women have a lot more going on than just their buttholes-- unless you're giving her something else, like great DATY, toy play, perhaps, or some other vaginal stimulation, it's likely that anyone you hook up with will start yearning for a "normal" sex life.

Like anything, anal can be great-- but not exclusively. Think it over, buttplugger, and see if you can't find some satisfaction in the many other wonderful possibilities that women's bodies offer!

. . . my hemorrhoids don't agree with it.

I knew a girl (almost 30 years ago) who preferred anal to vaginal intercourse (in part because she was worried about pregnancy), though not necessarily to oral. Two hours into our first casual date, I was ass-fucking her, and that was the norm later on. She was also smart, pretty, and uninhibited, though we weren't quite right in other ways.

I can't imagine marrying someone who was nothing more than an ass to fuck. How would you stand each other the rest of the time? There are plenty of providers who do anal (and will do it exclusively if that's what you want) and cost a lot less too.

Dear frankfurter69,

Answers to your questions:

Stimulating a woman's G spot maximally through the rectum? That's a new one. Please read a few threads below on G-spots. In addition, some men, no matter how much lube and caution they use, are simply too big in the penile department for some women's rectal areas. Period. No ifs or butts

Sex therapists as glorified sex surrogates? It appears AASECT has done a really bad job in disseminating information about sex therapists. For your convenience, please see the information at the end of this posting. This is what it takes to become a sex therapist. It's probably as far as you could get from a sex surrogate, glorified or not.

As to preferences, well, we all have them. I don't know if you were the original poster asking the questions, or if you just concur with him. If it's the latter, and you feel completely satisfied with your preference, then there is no problem, and no more processing needed. If "anal sex [to you] overshadows other deficiencies," and, if you truly believe that you "don't know too many issues that couldn't be solved with [your] available resources," then I wish you the best of luck in finding an appropriate partner - if that's what you want. Just some caution - your beliefs may be in the minority. That's probably why the questions were asked in the first place.

Enjoy reading the sex therapist qualifications from AASECT,
the Love Goddess

AASECT Requirements for Therapist Certification

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) has established that the following education and experiential activities will meet the requirements for certification as a Sex Therapist.
 
Academic and Psychotherapy Experience:

The applicant will have earned an academic degree in a human service program that included psychotherapy training from an accredited college or university, and the following clinical experience as follows:

A. Master's degree plus two years of post-degree clinical experience or as a psychotherapist (20 hours/week x 50 weeks/year = 1,000 hours/year), ).

OR

B. B. A Doctorate degree plus one year of post-degree clinical experience as a psychotherapist (1000 hours/year).


IV. Clinical Certification:

A. The applicant will hold a valid state regulatory license or certificate in one of the following disciplines: psychology, medicine, social work, counseling, nursing, or marriage and family therapy.


V. Human Sexuality Education:

The applicant will have completed a minimum of ninety (90) clock hours of education covering general knowledge in the following core areas. This knowledge may have been gained through academic courses and training workshops.

A. Sexual and reproductive anatomy and physiology.
B. Developmental sexuality (from conception to old age) from a psychobiological perspective.
C. Dynamics of interpersonal relationships.
D. Gender‑related issues.
E. Socio-cultural (ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic status) factors in sexual values and behavior.
F. Marital Partnering and family dynamics.
G. Medical factors that may influence sexuality including illness, disability, drugs, pregnancy and pregnancy termination, contraception and fertility, sexually transmitted diseases.
H. Knowledge of sexually transmitted infections and safer sex practices.
I. Sex research/literature.
J. Sexual abuse.
K. Varieties of sexual orientation and gender identities.
L. Atypical sexual behavior, hyper-sexuality, and sexual dysfunction.
M. Substance abuse and sexuality.
N. History of the discipline of sexology.


VI. Sex Therapy Training:

The applicant will have completed a minimum of (60) clock hours of training in how to do therapy with patients/clients whose diagnoses include the Psychosexual Disorders described in the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM IV). Sex therapy training may have been obtained through credit courses, tutorials, workshop, etc. The following must have been included:

A. Theory and methods of sex-related psychotherapy, including several different models.
B. Techniques of sex-related assessment and diagnosis of the Psychosexual Disorders described in the current edition of the DSM IV.
C. Theory and methods of approach to intervention in relationship systems experiencing sex and intimacy problems.
D. Theory and method of approach to medical intervention in the evaluation and treatment of psychosexual disorders.
E. Principles of consultation, collaboration, and referral.
F. Techniques for evaluating clinical outcomes.
G. Practicum experience, i.e. exposure to treatment of clinical cases through observation, demonstration, videotape presentation, role-playing, etc.


VII. Attitudes/Values Training Experience:

The applicant will have participated in a minimum of ten (10) clock hours of structured group experience consisting of a process‑oriented exploration of the applicant's own feelings, attitudes, values, and beliefs regarding human sexuality and sexual behavior (e.g., a SAR). Such training may not be personal psychotherapy or an academic experience in which the primary emphasis is on cognitive information. It is strongly recommended that this experience occur early in the applicant's training to be most beneficial.

B. The applicant will submit a one page comprehensive statement of his/her professional philosophy and goals of sex therapy including how the SAR affected that philosophy.


VIII. Clinical Experience:

The applicant will have completed a minimum of two hundred fifty (250) hours of supervised clinical treatment of patients/clients who present with sexual concerns. Clinical experience will include, but not be limited to, the diagnosis and treatment of psychosexual dysfunctions (diagnoses included in the Psychosexual Disorders of the DSM IV). It is expected that the applicant will function as the sole or primary therapist with patients/clients. This clinical experience will have exposed the applicant to a variety of the listed psychosexual disorders and will have included therapy with patients/clients of both genders and with couples. This supervised experience may have been completed prior to, during, or following the receipt of the terminal graduate degree.

IX. Supervision:

The applicant shall have completed a minimum of fifty (50) hours of individual supervision with an AASECT Certified Supervisor or AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. Where such supervision is not feasible or possible, supervision can be arranged, with prior approval, from an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist who has experience in the supervision of clinical practice.

ohhh MARRY ME!!!! I am your girl baby

I can't get enough either!

Nothing better than a man deep inside my butt!

I could live off giving blow jobs and getting my ass pounded!

Well, I guess I do...right?

Damn! I wish I could find a man like you for my own personal pleasure!

~~~~

BDG

eom

Re:ohhh MARRY ME!!!! I am your girl baby

OOOooooo,  BackDoorGirl, can I be your BackDoorMan?  You sound like my perfect match.  Yes, I'll marry you!!!

By the way, I could care less about blow jobs, if we got married you would never have to give me one!

I think I'm in love.  Hehehe!

Don't give up, she's out there.  But to find her youn are going to have to be honest with your lovers.

Anal sex is difficult for me because (pardon my list)
1.) It does hurt sometimes.
2.) It's intimacy incarnate.
3.) In my mind it's a submissive act.
4.) I have to prepare.  
5.) It takes some working up to.  Lots of foreplay!
6.) It can become messy and I'm afraid I'll be judged for that.
6.) It embarrases me.
7.) Sometimes it makes me emotional for reasons I can't or don't want to explain.
8.) I'm afraid you'll think I'm nasty.

Still, I love anal sex and know many other women who do too.  I've never encountered a woman who didn't enjoy a well timed well placed pinkie.

Perhaps you should take up horse back riding.  Maybe meet some woman at the equestrian center.  She's been posting up against the pommel deadening her clitoral/vaginal nerve endings for so long that anal stimulation is the best way to get her off.  I know someone just like that.

Iam a provider and greek is one of my all time favorite things to with my clients. Your not the only one who can't get enough, there are many guys who see me just because i offer greek, which i don't mind otherwise i wouldn't offer it.Well most girls dont enjoy it because some stupid ass tried ramin their hard dick in there ass and the women feels that pain from the entery, which if the guy had a clue he would message her assholeeven lick it if he really wants to fuck her in the ass, doing that shit helps losing the hole, and then slide it inwith some k jelly nice and easy she will feel a little preasure but that soon turns in pleasure baby. You loving the ggreek need to tell your partner what you enjoy sexually and show your women the erotic  feeling of enjoying it.

I love it too, though I do like to
integrate a good blow job. Look harder
you will find many providers and ultimately
a wife who will love it. Be patient and
don't forget to carry Anal-Eze for newbies !

-- Modified on 12/23/2006 7:10:57 PM

Re:ohhh MARRY ME!!!! I am your girl baby

Yes, just the username "BackDoorGirl" makes you marriage material.  

I normally just read and don't indulge in adding to the "fray" but I've got to the say this is the most entertaining forum discussion that I've EVER read!  I don't mean to be insensitive to any of the parties involved in this discussion because it sounds like some big-ass problems (pun intended butt boy, the jokes by LG and "Buttplugger meet BackDoorGirl" is just absolutely hilarious!!!!

It sounds like LG had as much fun with it as I had fun reading it...

  Thanks for making my day.

eom