So a little bit of a rant here but after getting back on to SA about 3 months ago, I have found the BCD performance of some of the SBs I have met to be pretty average (and that's not meant to be a compliment).  I'm not looking for a PSE but some just lay there and really don't provide much in the way of activities let alone a connection.  Have had 5 encounters and I can say only one knocked it out the park (she was beyond fantastic).  Ages of these 5 are (approximately):  24, 26, 33, 38 and mid 40s.  Only the 33 year old is worth going back to.  All of them want to see me again (gee, I wonder why?) but I probably had about as many encounters a year earlier and the experiences seemed much better.  Are others experiencing this too?

I totally agree that their performance is lacking compared to the pro's. Unfortunately, the pro's have raised the bar on performance and making sure that our needs are taken care o whereas the SB'S are there just to have a little fun, but they definitely don't put the effort into it like I had hoped. I've been with a 19, 22, 23, 24, 27 and 30yr old and the 30yr old is the only GFE with CIM that I've enjoyed. The rest are basically there for the ride, but don't take control and take care of me. So the search continues for the pro qulaity fuck with an SB that's worth hitting again and again...

I've had some great SBs and some lackluster ones.  I try to do some screening before going BCD by asking how long a period of intimacy they like.  I prefer 2-3 hours and require at least 1.5 hours.  I also ask what they particularly like or dislike in the bedroom.  Women who don't care for kissing, BBBJs, or DATY get screened out.  I also rule out those with any appreciable hint of entitlement or bad attitude.  My last 3--all in different cities--were absolute winners whom I'll see again.  All were up for DATY, BBBJCIM, and MSOG.  One was a pure 10 in looks; another was a 9+; the third was about an 8, but sweet and affectionate as hell.

Do you mind me asking how those discussions go and how long into chatting with them before you bring that up? Are you figuring that out via texts/messages before you agree to meet for coffee?
Are you using the terms BBBJ with a SB or are you actually asking them if they will suck your dick without a condom and let you cum in their mouth in a text message?  I just can't see that conversation either via text or over coffee going well at all unless you are dealing with a pro. The furthest I've gone with questions about activities is to ask if they own toys and are comfortable playing with them during adult fun time.  
Any insight on how you bring those topics up would be appreciated.  Thx

I'm new to the SB scene but I've had some good times.  22 year old who told me I was her second fuck ever while she took CIM and asked for more.  A 28 year old who was larger then expected liked it anyway we did it.  Now on to s 26 year old who seems to have some time at the plate.  She is the keeper.  All 3 gave BBBJTCNQNS, this new one is definitely worthy of going pro.  Performance issues not found here.

All of my SBs have been younger women and a few have been spectacular in bed.  For example, one girl I've been seeing for the better part of a year just turned 20! She has absolutely no gag reflex and takes me all the way down her throat and encourages me to fuck her  mouth as much as I want, She calls me Daddy and gets into role playing and cums repeatedly and is extremely enthusiastic about screwing and is totally open to my little kinks like licking my balls and massaging my ass.  Can't ask for a better menu than that except maybe anal which she has not been willing to try.  Yet.  I'm still working on that with her.  I could talk about others too, but really they've all been surprisingly good.  I'd have to say that the ratio of excellent sex partners to duds is about the same for me in the Sugar Bowl as in Hobbying.

I've had may be a couple that were not good so I did not go back to them. The one I am seeing now is into MSOG, oral, CIM, toys, anal, wants to do a threesome.

END OF MESSAGE

First, I take a different approach when looking for an out-of-town SB than I do in my area.  If I'm planning a trip, I don't have time for multiple meet and greets to ascertain the fit, so I am a bit more direct.  At home, I tend to be more gradual and often leave discussions of menu, length of date, and money until we meet in person.  In either case, it is important to be classy and tactful and not at all crude.

If the communication is going well and there seems to be mutual interest, I will ask "Is there anything that you particularly like or dislike in the bedroom?"  No one so far has found that offensive.  As noted, I don't ask that too early on.  An earlier message is used to tactfully note what I am seeking:  dinner and/or drinks, some social activity, and some private adult fun.  Note the absence of the word "sex" or any sex acts.

In my question about likes and dislikes, I am trying to convey 2 points:  (1) I am concerned about her pleasure.  This should not be a one-sided activity.  (2) I am not going to cross any boundaries and do something the SB doesn't want.  That makes her feel more at ease, which is important.

I've gotten a range of answers to that question.  Here are some:  "I like most things."  "I like it all."  "I love to suck dick."  "No anal."  "Anything but anal."  "I like it rough."  "I don't do oral with someone who isn't my real BF."  "No oral on the first date."  "I don't like to kiss."

If I get a vague answer, I try a more focused question.  I say that I like things slow and sensual, including kissing and caressing.  I say that I like giving and receiving oral.  (Note that I mention giving first--for her satisfaction.)  Then I ask her view on oral.  Sometimes I get a general response saying that they like both, like receiving but not giving, or like giving but not receiving.  I prefer women who like both.  Occasionally, I get a more detailed reply about CIM or MSOG.  Typically, I have not asked about CIM, unless I get the sense that the SB wouldn't be offended.  In that case, I say that I love to receive oral "to completion."

I try not to be too invasive or too pushy.  Often, I am unsure about CIM when we start a BCD session.  I just play that by ear, hoping that she allows it.  Many SBs do, so I try not to worry.

I almost never use the acronyms or terms that we see on TER.  A few times, I have mentioned "BJ," but usually describe it as receiving oral.  It is important to stay classy and polite and to avoid being crude.  One of the major complaints that I hear from SBs is that guys on SA are crude.  Instead of saying that you want to fuck someone's brains out, you can say that you want to make love repeatedly.

Feel free to PM me with any questions.

Very informative and well written reply KL!
I definitely thought that no matter how you try and discuss bedroom activities (BBBJCIM or MSOG) with a lady, that it would come across as rude and off-putting. Your approach seems like it's going well for you and is definitely a reasonable approach.  
Thanks for sharing!

-- Modified on 3/1/2017 9:16:58 AM

Once you establish mutual interest, rapport, and her openness to adult/intimate activities, the SB will typically respond to a polite inquiry of her likes and dislikes.  It really helps me make good decisions, especially when I'm considering multiple options.  On a Florida trip, I passed on some SBs who didn't like BBBJ or DATY.

Be tactful and you should do fine.  Good luck!

Some SB's have given better service than others. But on the whole, I find there's a reason the pros are pros and the amateurs are amateurs. I tend to get better service from a pro. And I tend to pay a pro more. It's not a coincidence.

These aren't bright line rules. I've had lackluster performance from a pro, and mind-blowing service from an SB. But, I find those are the exceptions

Yes I am. Don't want to lose her.

I've had the honor to meet with better than half a dozen SB's..

Two I've seem more than once & will see again.  One is a 22 year old who until meeting me did not realize oral sex could be fun (we'v met twice & will meet again); the other is a 24 year old nymphomaniac (no need to comment on desire to meet her again)  

Two I will not see again as performance & chemistry was hugely lacking, I did not pick this up during our lunch/dinner interview.. had to met face-face to get this sensation.

The other two were very fun and we are in negotiations should schedules match we will get together again....

Bottom line performance is about expectations between you and her..