A message to you and all other posters on this board:
Posted by Love Goddess, 10/6/2008 7:19:54 AM  

If I were you, lawfin,

I would rein in my youthful enthusiasm and drop these kinds of epithets. "Whore" is a very sexuo-politically charged word, much like "nigger." Some pro-sexual feminists, particularly prostitutes themselves (yes, please use "prostitute," since this is the sociological definition) have called themselves "whores" in a politically confrontive context, (c.f. "Niggaz Wit Attitude"), but it's not especially polite of you to call someone "a whore" since the word has become extremely negative.

The schoolyards today are full of middle school boys, yes folks, MIDDLE SCHOOL, who shriek at girls using this word. It's basically the same as calling someone a "cunt," which is also not very polite or pleasant. Unfortunately, through the cultural epidemic of the Internet, iPods, films, tv-shows, etc. this rather ugly practice has spread to other Western countries. Now you can go to Germany, Britain and Scandinavia and hear precisely the same 12 year old boys yelling the word "whore" at little 10 year old girls when they want to state their position for whatever silly little schoolyard tiff there may be.

Thousands of people visit TER every day and many of those read this board - also thousands, cumulatively. Because I am the moderator on this board, a sex educator at large and yes, a political opinion maker (every time I lecture at a college, I have a chance to change the world a little), I try to make the world a nicer and more friendly place from a sexual standpoint.

I think we can all agree that the power of language is undeniable and that words gain or lose in semantic strength throughout generations. The word "pimp" is another mutating curiosity in contemporary speech, although I don't find it surprising that when boys call each other "pimp," it connotes something hip and cool. But of course, many young males who are raised without good role models (a father can be a poor role model even if he's at home every day and not drinking/drugging or beating his wife), develop no skills for managing conflict through assertion rather than aggression. And so their diction gets tied to their rising levels of testosterone, their frustration and their inability to understand what makes for a better society in terms of resolving both inner and outer conflict. . And then they resort to words like "whore" and "fag" and direct this to either girls or effeminate boys, sometimes with most unfortunate consequences.

The above is of course, another topic altogether and should be debated elsewhere. But because the word "whore," much like the word "nigger" has mutated into something that is used to oppress a class of people, at this point, any young woman who chooses to be outspoken, free and yes, sexually active with whomever she chooses - I would suggest that we as mature and insightful individuals drop this from our vocabulary, both on this board and in the world out there.

Finally, I will have to say that I am very proud of our regular posters on this board. We  have a tenor here that is extremely respectful, very intelligent, cultured and insightful. This is often in contrast to other boards, where the flames are lit at a dizzying pace and excessive anger often permeates the writing. I am amazed at our posters here who almost always take the high road and try to understand and empathize with the other posters. I have not seen this consistent behavior on any other board on this site, and surely not on any other board dealing with commercial sex. So in the spirit of noblesse oblige, let us all refrain from words like "whore." You obviously don't say it to the lady providing the services, so why say it here or elsewhere?

Thank you and that was the word on respect for today,
the Love Goddess




-- Modified on 10/6/2008 7:29:37 AM

I can tell you that I have taken issue with the word both on other TER boards and on many other sex industry related boards for years now. The word has a pejorative connotation weather people who use it want to admit it or not. I have yet to meet a sex worker with an ounce of self respect (and let's face it, I have met MANY) who wasn't repulsed by the word.

I don't agree with placing restriction on the use of words. IMHO it is a slippery slope. It places limitations on free expression. Then it becomes a crime to say unapproved words. Then you can be arrested for printing them. It is in fact, backdoor censorship.

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:20:06 AM

Charlie,

There are two ways to look at it. The first is as you did, with a view towards the government and infringement on rights. In contemplating what a person is "allowed" to say, or the general idea of people being in charge of speech, I completely agree with you. People can say what they want. The government should not interfere.

The flip side is that we aren't in public and TER isn't the government. What we have to share is little electrons stored on TER's servers. They own them. They decided to put LG in charge of this forum. So in essence, this is her house. We play by her rules. Or we complain to management that we don't like the rules. Or we leave. But this board is no democracy. It is more like a very benevolent dictatorship. A kind, knowledgeable and helping one, so I have no complaint.

-- Modified on 10/6/2008 10:26:36 AM

But this is LG's forum to moderate as she sees fit. I obviously agree with her stance on this but even if I didn't it's her call and her reasoning, quite frankly, is solid.  There are plenty of other places on TER where you can use whatever words you want and no one really cares. I think it speaks volumes about her intent in moderating this particular forum that she is trying to foster an atmosphere that is conducive to comfortable participation and interaction among any and all in the hobby.

This is a privately owned site.  When we sign up we agree to abide by the rules and policies of TER. Those who own or operate the site have a right to set forth whatever posting rules they like.

The use of this word was discussed on another board a few weeks ago.  The word and others like it denigrate all of us, clients as well as the women we see. I am not a "John" and I don't see "Whores" or "Hookers", etc. The use of these words, like some of the grossly offensive comments that at times appear on other boards, is like smoking in a restaurant which serves good food but has poor ventilation.

-- Modified on 10/6/2008 12:06:05 PM

Yeah the whole "John" thing really cracks me up. I swear guys are adopting the vernacular from bad 70's movies or something.  There are no "Johns" when you are submitting yourself to verification and showing ID when you meet a gal. Stereotypes are for outsiders. All of us involved in the hobby should make an effort to treat each other with the respect that all people deserve. We should all know better.

..which all four of the young women that I have seen definitely are.

All four also deserve the adjective beautiful.  I perceived and remember them as "beautiful ladies."

I have heard the word "John"  all of my life.

I don't see myself as a John; maybe a horny old guy or a "Bubba", since I was raised in the South.

However, I wanted my opinion to be known. Thanks everyone for your comments.

Then I looked up the definition.
Maybe I'm more of a slut since I don't charge.
I think words that people get offended by and political correctedness is kind of stupid.
THEY'RE JUST WORDS.
I was once with a provider who reffered to herself as a whore and she said "Let's call a spade a spade".
Doesn't everyone remember One of our earliest lessons in child hood?
Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me...
They are just words and if the shoe fits...
You could call me all the names in the book and it would not affect me one bit for I have the self confidence to know what a good person I am regardless of what words you use to describe me.
I believe that most people who are affected by words they deem hurtful find some hint of negative truth in the word therefore lacking some self confidence in themselves.
Our freedom of speech is somewhat regulated here so I will abide by any rules that LG sets forth but I think at's all rather silly IMHO.

First let me say that I totally agree with Love Goddess that certain words should not be used in polite company and civil discourse. NOT out any sense of political correctness, but rather because some words are so highly charged, negative and downright insulting.

As LG notes, the "W" word is very analogous to the "N" word, and should not be used because of its derogatory content. But, just as many urban youths of a certain ethnicity will use the "N" word amongst themselves, either as a political statement or sometimes just for fun, so too will some providers use the "W" word, either as a political statement or sometimes just for fun.

As LG and some others here know, for a number of years, Mikithemilf was my girlfriend, lover, the love of my life. As a couple, we often enjoyed playing with others, and from time to time I would introduce her to other providers ... behind closed doors, so to speak.

One day Miki and I got together with a lady, who shall remain nameless, though she is quite well known around TER-land. The two of them were very similar in many ways ... age, for one, although our guest as a few years younger than Miki, and in their extreme sensuality and sexuality.

After a rather amazing (and exhausting!) afternoon romp, the three of us were getting dressed to go out for a late lunch. I left en envelope on the dresser for our guest. Miki picked it up, started pulling out bills, crumpling them up and tossing them across the room at our new friend, saying things like "Take that you whore!"  "This is what you want, you dirty whore!" And our friend was laughing as she scrambled across the room grabbing the bits of crumpled currency.

At this point, half dressed, I was just a spectator, an observer, watching these two amazing ladies reveling in their sisterhood, their sexuality and their chosen profession. It was truly a rare and special moment.

The other lady and I still get together from time to time, when she finds her way to New York. Though our relationship remains professional, we have become much closer, as friends, in the year since Miki passed away. Obviously, I have never, would never, call her a w.....

Anyone who uses such a term knows exactly what they are doing. I fully support the rule and enjoy the dialogue on this board very much.

You make a good point but unfortunately everyone does not look at it that way. People are murdered and wars are started because of words. Relationships and friendships are destroyed because of words.  So in my humble opinion we must be very careful how we use words out of respect to others. I just feel there is no good reason to use the W word. The only purpose is to demean. The fact that we should not be offended by words does not alter the fact that most people are.

Hi LG

First time poster on this Board.

I have told several very experienced TER reviewed providers I have met about your Board and for some reason they have never ventured here. My comments to each has been that I consider your opinions the most eloquent, well-researched and substantive opinions being offered today in the media on human sexuality and in particular on commercial sex. Period.

You illustrate some very good points here.

Well, charlie445,

That is also a point made in my original posting. When Eddie Murphy goes on screen and calls himself "a nigger," he is poking fun of a multitude of cultural stereotypes, and he has the right to do so. When Annie Sprinkle, a bona fide pornstar, sexology scholar and performance artist writes a Memorandum of Whores, she does so with a political point. But when someone from an outside group comes along and uses this word to be construed in a pejorative sense, it does not serve to alert people to its misuse, it perpetuates it and the stereotypes and prejudices that are attached to it.

Just replace the word "whore" with the word "nigger" and you've got the point...

the Love Goddess

I get the point LG but I prefer to recognize bigots by the words that they use than to discover it in some other way.

You make me proud! and this is just another reason why i'm on TER. Many men forget that just because we do this as a "job" or a part time fun thing like myself, it doesn't mean we're uneducated or some cheap dime store "hookers"  and you put a very touchy subject right in prespective and said so eloquently as well!
Jay