I am a provider. I love what I do. I recently met someone as a client and we really hit it off. he ended up staying over time us just talking.We have a lot in common. The next day he emailed me a very sweet note. Then he called the night after. Nothing sexual was discussed. We both are divorced. Have kids around the same age.
   This is the first time in a long time that I even thought of possible dating someone. I was always one that said I never date someone who had been a client. But, I really like to date him.  What are the pros and cons of dating someone you seen as a client. Also how do I know if he would like to take it there? How to I approach the subject?
Thanks

You must be clear on the issue of money versus sex.

MOney is the dirtiest five letter word in the English language.

I date a provider, my namesake, in fact.

When we took the plunge, I told her that if anything in this world has the power to disrupt our love, it would be money.

To that end, we evolved what I think is a reasonable way to be sure we are both treated fairly and it seems to be working.

If we had ignored it, I think it would have been fatal to the relationship.

So, to want to date is fine, fall in love, even better; but do not ignore this issue.

Sure, it can be embarrassing, but ultimately it must be confronted.

It must also go without saying, that if you are looking for a man to be sexually faithful, going after a client is probably not the safest bet.  If that is not a problem, then by best wishes to both of you.

Mr. Fisher,I truly respect your opinion I have read many of your posts. For me I don't want his money, if we decide to date. As far as faithful , I think after being in the hobby and experiences before this , I have learned that an open relationship is much better for all around. May I ask how you both started the conversation of taking it from hobbying to more?
Thanks

establish new ones?  Will you expect him to stop hobbying?  Will he expect you to stop providing?
Will you each struggle with trust issues? Is the risk of failing at this relationship worth the risk of losing a potential good friend/client? , etc., etc.

From what I read most of these type of relationships eventually fail.  But then too so  do conventional SO pairings.  On the other hand there are known successes on each side as well.  Tread carefully 'what now' and perhaps you can be one of the few couples to handle this with bliss.  Best of luck...    

I honestly have all those questions. Hobbying he can contunie. We are dating not getting married.But worry about all the others. I don't even know if he is interested in taking it further. Which is the first hurtle to cross.

-- Modified on 7/25/2006 12:02:33 PM

I think your next to last sentence is the answer to your closing question (if that was indeed a ?).  If you are aligned there then I think you let it flow in a natural course, i.e. you will each let the other know what is the next priority for your internal relationship needs.   As in all relationships, communication is a key foundation...  

-- Modified on 7/25/2006 10:29:22 AM

I was smitten, so I took my chances and saints-be-praised, Bev felt the same as I did.

But I also knew that it would not last if we both did not recognize that sex is a commodity and as such, needs to be paid for.

This is not to denigrate sex, far from it; it elevates it, in a way.

What sex is not, is love.  Sure, people in love have sex, why not?  People in love also eat.  What is fair about one person always buying the groceries, but the other never contributing?  Nothing!

Why is it that the guy is expected to pay, not the woman?  Many reason, the simplest being that men generally earn more than women and that is for a number of very complicated reason, but I think it may even be deeper than that, but it would take more space than we have here to go into.

My only concern is that if you are staring out in this wonderful adventure, do both of yourselves a favor and discuss this vital issue together.

Bev and I did and I am very glad of it.

Dear what now,
Very nice responses from two Erotic Highway habitués, I must say. As to my own thoughts on "making the first move" - in some way it's easier when the first overture comes from a woman, regardless of provider or civilian status. It relieves men from wondering 'will she or won't she' and perhaps that in itself makes for a more open, "no b.s." start.

As to whether it will go on, my guess is as good as yours. Men are no different from women in that regard, in fact, they seem to have a harder time breaking up or saying no to a woman very directly. With this, I mean that you could end up like many dating relationships...it's going, going, going and then, all of a sudden..it's gone. It doesn't matter if you're a provider or a civilian. He could be flattered by the attention, go along with it for a while..and then decide that for whatever reason, it's not worth it. Your profession could have something to do with it..or not.

As to how to approach him, I'd suggest being very frank and very straight up. You've already had sex, so that aspect ought to make your discussion free from coquettishness and obfuscating subtext. Tell him you find him attractive and ask him if he'd consider going with you on a date like regular folks. No money exchanged. Heck, you're a big girl; you might even suggest that YOU want to take HIM on a date.

As to possible rejection, either immediate or down the line, it's no different than any dating relationship. Again, because you love what you do [and I'm assuming you have no intention to quit, just because you're dating,] he could end up using that as an excuse not to go on. It's an easy way out, even if he could have a whole host of emotional baggage and not be particularly ready for anyone. If that happens, I hope you're not too 'far gone' emotionally and can recover. Work is usually a good antidote. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but I'm always a little on the cautious side when people meet in this kind of situation. And yet, as you see, 'mrfisher' is happy as a clam, apparently.

Finally, some of you members might wonder why I'm not banging my "boundary drum" very loudly in this case. It could be because she is the provider and he is the client. She is actually interested in showing him her authentic civilian side and engaging him in her personal life. Now it just remains to see if he wants to do the same. If he doesn't, they can continue as provider/client, or he can stop seeing her completely. The prerogative is still his...as long as she's not in love with him, which seems to be the case.

Let us know how it goes,
the Love Goddess

ask him out.  WCS: he can say no thanks...and u move on.

but does that make me as happy as a clam?

When ever I meet a clam, it is usually bathing in wine/butter broth.

;O)

May I just state on the record, I absolutely adore you! As a writer (full time in advertising) I am so turned on by people who write and speak our native language well. You are a phenomenal writer and your verbage is delicious to consume visually! Thank you for showing your intelligence and doing so in a way that isn't patronizing. I love you for adding to the intelligence of the females in this line of work. It's so damn refreshing to see both the men and women on this board writing frankly and doing so in a manner that is not dumbed-down as I so often see on the local boards.

Kudos to you, wonderful Goddess. An intelligent, literate and empathetic woman is such a beautiful piece of life's artwork!

Thank you also to the gentlemen who PREFER attractive AND intelligent women. Thank you for hiring the intelligent providers and thank you for treating us as the educated, intelligent women we are! Many of the women I've witnessed in this industry are more intelligent than the average person and ironically, many are further educated. This new trend of intelligence being sexy is so welcomed by those of us who provide but can't dumb-down and play the ditzy Kelly Bundy role!

Thanks all the way around!!

Love,

Andi Ryan

eom

I let him know I was interested. He asked me out. So a new journey started. We shall see where it leads. We seem to be on the same page with alot of things. I will update later and let you know how it goes .
Thanks to all

congrats on overcoming a few big hurdles.

"A journey starts with a first step..."

take each minute as a tiny step in a direction. You may find you have this journey with this guy for a long time and it will work out.
Keep any expectations you have as low as possible for success.

I hope there's a Happy Ending...