Dear LG

Here's my story, told as briefly as possible considering the details, and without a word of a lie. I'm REALLY curious to hear what you make of it and any useful suggestions.

I few weeks back, completely out of the blue, I got confronted by my smart, beautiful, sexy, giving and loving partner of 3 years, (she's 45 - think Jerry Hall) alleging that I'd visited a "comfort house" during my last business trip to a nearby city.

What is it with women and that cursed 6th sense? She was right on the money. How did she know? I'm guessing I was unluckily spotted by one of her friends who just felt an overwhelming obligation to put me in.

Shellshocked and guilty as charged, I admitted I had indeed been with a provider. She went nuts with confusion and self doubt.

My partner is sexually open minded, hot for it all the time, and we generally enjoy a great life both in and out of the bedroom, however she is very strongly principaled. So why the hell would I want to sneak off and pay some "hooker" for it?

In a shaky but honest defence, all I could offer her was an admission that I have visited providers on and off over the years, and am not necessarily proud of the fact that I have always done it behind the backs of my generally loving partners of the time.
I went on to explain that I just have what I consider a healthy addiction to the differing varieties of the female form and occasionally crave something fresh and different for a short dalliance... "It's not about love, it's all about fun and adventure." I argued.

This is where it gets interesting.

She quietly dwelled on my rationale for a few days, before calmly announcing from the shower one morning that she had decided her only way of truly grasping my argument and dealing with what what happened was to try it for herself. (I have to love that mind)

I had no argument, she was right. As the loving partner I am I assisted her in scanning the newspaper ads for "Mr Right". She made contact, liked the sound of him and a date was set for a one hour "massage with options" session.

(I must admit the thought of her with a hot, young hard male provider was a bit of a turn on and I even offered to sit in and watch... She promptly declined)

We checked in to the hotel room, I ordered some wine, and then left to meet some friends a few minutes before he arrived (however I did catch a glimpse of him entering the hotel while I was waiting for a taxi)

As there were considerable risks, we agreed she would send me an sms message confirming all was okay after he arrived. This she did about 5 minutes later, and I replied "good to hear take your time and enjoy yourself" before heading off for the longest hour of my life.

The longest hour turned into three hours. Well into the second hour I tried to call just to make sure all was okay with no answer. Finally after three hours she answered saying he had just left. I came back to the hotel to find her looking radiant, sated, and worn out. She wasn't saying much but I'm curious by nature and began questioning her. An answer at a time I gleaned that he was hot, charming and a complete gentlemen, gave her a one hour massage and two hours of great sex, had a hard body and a big cock with a stud in it that "had her come like never before" four times throughout the session (She naturally orgasms very easily but that's not the point)

Try as I might I could not help wanting to know more. And the more I found out the more I was hit by a myriad of conflicting emotions. Strangly the strongest of these were anger and hornyness. We checked into another hotel for two days of the hottest, loving sex imaginable.

Three days later and I'm still numb and confused and creatively trying to visualise everthing she told me. She only did what I did, but had a far better time in her first outing than I've had in all my exploits in the last twenty years. Talk about a backfire.

The really weird thing is that I want to check the guy out and I'm not gay. He told her that he does guys as well and also offers himself with a special girl provider for a foursome with couple. (I haven't run this idea past my partner yet as I'm unsure of the consequences)

I guess I've only got myself to blame as she said she would never have imagined doing it unless I had in the first place.
Is this getting out of control and have I created a monster. I can't stop thinking about a hot stud fucking the love of my life.... Aaahhhhh the bitter sweet of it all.

Hope you can shed some light.

Cheers and regards

Angry and Horny - Australia

(...And no, I promise I'm not audience testing screenplay concepts for Woody Allen.)

What would you have thought of the idea of instead of your lovely paying for sex with a stud, she instead decided to provide for a fee?

Would that be worse or better  (for you, that is)?

Hmmmm not sure where you are coming from here. I should point out that our arrangement was that she paid for the room, and I left her the cash for the service ($200). Interestingliy at the end the provider only charged her for the initial hour as he claimed he was having a great time too. (Why doesn't that ever happen to us?)

To try and answer your Q mrfisher, As I stated, she is attractive, sexy and strongly principled (generally much like my goodself). For the two of us agree to "pimp her out" as you suggest would never be even remotely considered. (Although I could have saved my 200 bucks!)

Sorry but you may have to look elsewhere.

Thanks for your comment

I'm afraid I don't have much extraordinary wattage to shed on this, repeatdefender,

Apparently, this is how you chose to manage disclosure/conflict/resolution, and it seems to have worked for you.

Would I recommend this strategy to couples in crisis? Probably not, but then again, every couple is an individual unit. Some things are interesting to me, and they are:

Your partner allowing you to become involved in the mechanics of the initial procurement; this one is interesting, because it shows that she wasn't being completely vindictive or rageful. She was going on this quest calmly, with some methodology in mind. She was also considerate of your feelings, despite the goal in mind. She didn't want to exclude you, which shows that she does care. Nice touch.

I find the "as there were considerable risks" part almost quaint in its protective naivété. The fear that something might happen to her in a hotel room, together with an obvious professional, is definitely a sign of loving care and certainly quite altruistic. Why this should be more risky than you banging a female [in the same hotel?] is surprising to me, but I suppose men are always seen as the more predatory gender. Still, it's cute that you both decided on the sms strategy.

I don't think it's weird that you had "make up sex" and I don't think it's weird that you want the check the guy out. You don't have to be gay to want to see who turned your partner on. But it may be less about him and more about the juicy phantasy of seeing your partner all hot and bothered. Also, it is indeed about curiosity. AND a little bit of anger and jealousy, although you two seem to have a good handle on that one as well. I bet if you see him in person, you won't become enraged. I mean, what is he, compared to you? You're her PARTNER. He's just...well, sex for hire. [Devil's advocate, but you know what i mean.]

I don't think this is getting out of control and I don't think you have created a monster. But I think you got it confirmed that the love of your life is hot, resourceful and inventive - both in and out of bed. Isn't that why you love her so much anyway

What happens next is anyone's guess. Maybe you'll get some kind of equal opportunity arrangement going for the future, or maybe this episode brought you closer, and you'll both lay off hobbying for a while...until the next urge strikes? And when it does, I'm sure you'll both manage, since you now have created a new openness and avenue for honest, mutual communication. As to this becoming a habit for your partner...who knows? If my hunch is right, she might try it a few more times, and then stop. Women in general have a need to bond emotionally with the one they're screwing repeatedly. If that doesn't happen, she will either pull back or move on, either to you, or to the next guy, horror of horrors. But somehow, I don't think that'll happen either. You two seem pretty committed to one another.


Wonder what your post sounds like in the Aussie accent...it's amusing, I keep thinking of Bill Hunter together with Jerry Hall...interesting couple!!!

G'day mate, welcome to The Erotic Highway,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 2/20/2007 8:14:42 PM

Aahhh Love Goddess... that feels better. Thanks for the cuddle.

Great wisdom and insight in your response. I hope they're paying you lots.

Will keep you posted on the next exciting installment of...

"The Hunter and the Hall"

xxx

"Strangly the strongest of these were anger and hornyness."

I once heard that this is a normal reaction that comes from sexual competitiveness.  I'm curious if there is any truth to it.

Basically, the explaination I've heard is that if there is reason to think that there may be other guy's genetic material in play, then the instinctive reaction is to try to get rid of it.  This comes from vigorous intercourse (I've heard that the shape of the head of the penis helps eliminate anything left) and from making copious deposits of one's own.

I date a provider. (She was a provider already when I met her which was as a client.)

I find the fact that she is a provider to be a turn-on, but I would be lying if I didn't also state that it has undercurrents of jealousy at times.

Reading LG's take on this, I have to say that I agree, and that you are one lucky guy to know this woman.  My ex was not quite so understanding.

By the way, Australia is quite a distance to go for someone.  

Thanks mrfisher... I guess if I was in your situation I would feel the same mixed feelings as well. Mine was to date, only a one off and I still affected me strongly. And you're right... LG's take was right on the money.

... And I am a lucky guy.

Cheers for your interest and good luck to you and yours

RD

Not so strange, hahahahar,

In fact, there are even SPERM WARS which can be fought in that delicate vaginal area! If there already is sperm from a regular partner still present, it can "kill" the new, 'invading' sperm, all to stop it from trying to reach that prized egg. And who's to say that emotion doesn't follow yet another genetic precept?

Hardyharhar to you too,
the Love Goddess

Thank you, repeatdefender,
But this is strictly a labor of LOOOOVE..in every sense of the word!

the Love Goddess

If you think about it, the penis acts like a long *plunger* during intercourse.

Your male ancestors who dislodged more competitive sperm had more offspring.

It's classic Darwinian theory. Effective plunging was naturally selected.

That's why you enjoy taking your time to build close effective suction before you ejaculate.

The natural selection that designed you, head to toe, created all the details of your sexual desire.

Enjoy!

-- Modified on 2/23/2007 6:06:42 PM-- Modified on 2/23/2007 6:10:56 PM

-- Modified on 2/23/2007 6:13:45 PM

...that is, assuming you WANT to.  Her post above indicates that she was very hurt and betrayed, and wanted you to learn what SHE felt like.  Continuing to pursue your hobbying is like sending the message that you don't care enough about her or your relationship to rein in your randiness.  If hobbying is what you've gotta do, just realize that you will probably lose her, sooner or later.