Okay, LG:  If I understand what you've said, men naturally have stronger sex drives than women.

But, if I believe what I read in the reviews, and my first-hand observations, plenty of providers have very strong sex drives - stronger than some men.  Are these individuals simply at one end of the bell curve?  Faking? Or is something else at work ("close your eyes and think of the money!")

Related to this:  I've suspected that for some providers (and hobbyists if they can afford it), there is an addictive/progressive quality to sex.  E.g., if they have sex three times in one day, they may want more.  If only once, or not at all, less desire.  Does my observation have validity, and if so, is there a psychological or physiological basis for it?

Much thanks.

Hello, Turkana,

I don't believe female providers have stronger sex drives than men. But their job involves acting and keeping up an image - just think of the consequences otherwise. And yes, there are surely "sex addicts" among providers. But as a clinician, I would have to say that "sex addiction" in women, provider or not, takes on a different flavor than in men. The myth of the "nymphomaniac" is just that - a myth. When women become "addicted to sex," it's clearly less about clitoral orgasms, and more for the validation they desire in order to feel loved, desired, important, existing, etc.

With the risk of offending providers, I would say that most are very good actresses and yes, there is a lot of faking going on. Especially if a provider is having sex 4-5 times per day. Let's not forget that it's a job, and the reward for a job well done is money. And if anything, providers can easily become addicted to the money and the freedom and control [however illusory] that it provides. I truly believe that the pecuniary part of the job is what keeps providers spinning in that wheel and playing their part. Remove the cash and believe me, you wouldn't have women roaming the streets like hungry sex addicts.

Let's not forget that being a provider is really about providing a phantasy. Included in that phantasy is the image of the highly sexualized female. So a provider would really be shooting herself in the foot if she came out and said that she didn't feel particularly horny. Then again, this is not to say that if a provider happens upon a skilled lover or becomes attracted to a client, she would not take the opportunity to really let loose and enjoy herself. But being a constantly sexed-up, voracious female? No, I don't believe it for a minute.

So the fact still stands - the female sex drive is no match for the male. He is superior in that regard.  

C'est la vie,
the Love Goddess

It is amazing to me (and I have to throw myself into the mix) how often questions of this nature crop up: especially since women & men have been gettting together since DAY ONE--and yet we are still in the dark about what makes each other tick, particularly when it comes to sex.

As a man, I sometimes feel as though I have to defend or apologize for my biology (read: "sex drive"). I have heard  people remark that gay men are preoccupied with sex. WRONG!! *Men* are preoccupied with sex. It's just that gays are having sex with other men, so it''s like going to a trout farm: dip your hook in the water, and friend, you WILL get a bite.

The differences  in the sex drives between genders is fascinating--and my heart goes out to my TER brethren who share stories of marriages or relationships that are sexless. It is hard for me to fathom--yet a great many here are HERE because of it. For myself (unmarried), sex is an appetite difficult (no, IMPOSSIBLE) to suppress--if men and women communicated honestly about their desires more often (and without judgement) we'd all be having a helluva better time than we already are!

As always, I'm inclined to agree with LG's persuasive analysis.

Maybe I'm just hoping to keep a fantasy alive...but, does any provider reading this disagree with her here?

A reminder - you can use a new alias to respond if you're worried about being identified.

Is anyone motivated mainly by physical lust? Or by a desire to help or 'heal' men?

Is money always the primary factor? Or it it just an essential one?

After all, few people work in *any* job or profession, however enjoyable, for free.

If the idea is to keep the myth going, then your request is epistomologically unfeasible.  (Epistomology is what philosophers call the study of knowing how to know whether something is true or not.  It's a gag and a half, I'll tell you what.)

I'm afraid the only way you'll ever know for sure is to be magically transformed into a woman and see for yourself.

Good point, Mr. Fisher. What you say is absolutely logical, and I don't really disagree.

However, I do feel human beings have a large intuitive capacity, well refined by natural selection, to tell whether or not someone else is lying to them.

For example, I sense you absolutely believe what you have written here and are not lying about it.

I'm not completely sure we couldn't tell whether or not a Provider poster is leading us on.  

However, I agree there are many skilled liars [started to type lyers!] and actresses, so we must beware.

...once aroused, women (whether originally stimulated only by nature, or by money)  are genuinely more capable than men of becoming multi-orgasmic, all day or night long?

The orgasms of many providers sure seem very genuine.

What about the account of Caesar's daughter sleeping with a hundred of his soldiers at one time?  Do you think that was probably just an ancient urban legend?

Have any psychologists or doctors ever done a scientific study of female capabilities for orgasms?  Sounds like an unusually enjoyable topic for someone's doctoral degree!

-- Modified on 3/6/2007 5:51:31 AM

Yes, bostongreg,

Of course providers can have genuine orgasms, just like any other women...if aroused properly, if in the mood, if their hormones are in sync, etc. But the question was if women had equal sex drive to men, and if providers had a sex drive equal to, or higher than men's sex drive. And I believe they don't, from a purely biological standpoint.

Then there was a question of sex addiction and a putative "progressive" quality of having more and more sex. See my answer. I also believe that if you are having "great" sex, of course you'll want more. But I also don't believe that providers are all having "great" sex. Most of it is "work;" occasionally, I believe that there will be a spark of attraction, and that enhances the session and provides a better opportunity for the provider to enjoy a true orgasm.

Caesar's soldiers? Sounds like rape to me. But nothing worse than Tabitha Stevens [?] doing her gangbang films. I do think it's an interesting myth and worth filing away in the Roman history department.

Yes, there has been research on the female orgasm and indeed, some women are multi-orgasmic. And in terms of providers, of course they can be. But as a rule and an overarching phenomenon, I do not believe that ANY and ALL women are consistently multiorgasmic. There are too many biological and cyclical factors that conspire against it.

We have to be careful that we don't put "providers" in a separate and distinct category of females in terms of psychology and biology. After all, a provider is a previously "civilian" female who has decided to provide sexual services for money. And I truly believe that this decision does not spring from an oversexed nature or a desire to copulate daily with different men. I think it's a confluence of factors, mostly psychological and definitely motivated by the fact that the money is somewhat easily earned and substantial, in comparison to many other professions.

Many great providers are wonderful because they are capable of modulating their feelings and that of their client's. This includes the entire performance, from the first phone call to the very last session until the provider retires. And I am not saying the performance doesn't include real feelings. An actress can play a part and feel true emotions in the moment. But she is constantly aware that she is acting, otherwise she would be psychotic or suffer from dissociative identity disorder. Same for a provider. And the sex act gets pulled into the general act. Still, this does not obviate the fact that many hobbyists and providers get it on and it feels real and very good, for both parties. But it's not with 100% frequency, that's all.

It's a business, it's a business,
the Love Goddess



-- Modified on 3/6/2007 9:11:31 AM

As a woman working or not, I have found when I had great sex I want more. The other night after a mind blowing second round my companion was wiped out. I still wanted more.That has happened to me many times. There is a certain truth at least for me the more I get the more I want. It is almost like a high that I get on.Also  I have found at least for a while after I have sex I have a lot more energy. I am also multiorgasmic . I agree with LG that it isn't something that always happens. Am I normal , I don't know but these are my personal experences.

scandalous!!!

I had a mistress in her early 20's and it was one big "O" at that was it.  My wife, in her 40's, would have 3 big "O's" and get me off twice in a typical night.  And my wife wanted it almost nightly.  I've heard older women remark that their sexual pleasure changed(frequency, location: clitoral vs. g-spot type internal) as they moved between their 20's into their 30's and then again into their 40's.  Wonder if any clinical data backs that up....?

Reo any providers disagree with LG's answer above?

My longtime provider and I have a close relationship.  We see each other socially and professionally and she does not consider me to be a "customer" but her lover.  She has told me that most of time when customers are giving her DATY she just closes her eyes, pretend to enjoy it and just think about the money that is on the counter.  She will not let me give her DATY and will only give me oral when I ask for it. Yes, I pay her for her services.  She admits that it is a job to her and getting DATY and giving oral are not her favorite part of the job.  Otherwise, I enjoy everything else about her.  

A lot of guys are going to have a hard time believing your post, even though it is obviously true.  They so desperately want to believe that a woman in the sack with them is getting off like a guy.  

With all respect to my fellow hobbyists, I would ask them to consider this simple fact: Why are there thousands and thousands of female providers, and almost no male providers (except, of course, male providers who serve male clients)?  Obviously, the simple answer is that there is a large market of males who will be willing to pay $$ to have sex, and almost no market for females who will do the same.

It also explains why you can easily find gay male websites that specialize in rampant, anonymous sex, but almost nothing similar for straight people or lesbians.  Because for straight couples or lesbians you are involving women, and they just don't have the same sex drive as men.

It's too bad more guys cannot more easily accept the fact that their sexual talent -- no matter how extraordinary --  just cannot re-write human biological imperatives.  

An enormous amount of pixels are spent on this site regarding how men can better please women.  Of course, it's not a bad thing if hobbyists learn something of value from the providers, that they can apply in their civilian life.  But the idea that providers are especially concerned with how talented we are in the sack is somewhat ludicrous.  I suspect they are much more concerned that we show up on time and well-scrubbed; that we are well mannered and treat them with respect; that we accept their limits and treat them gently; and that we do not hassle them about the money they are trying to earn.

-- Modified on 3/6/2007 8:11:47 PM

Some days I know I'm in a groove with the gal and everything is wonderful, but there are many times that I just know I'm out to get myself off, the gal's needs be damned.

I suppose I could feel guilty about that if I wanted to but you know what?  I don't.

To which I give a hearty:  "oh well.."

As always, LG, your analysis is responsive, sensitive, knowledgable and thoughtful...and even prompt.

You've given me a lot to think about.

As with any business, friendships can occur...but it's still primarily business in most cases.

eom

eom

eom

...magically transformed into a woman!

What a great Tiresian sabbatical year! Perhaps spent as a provider? Would we still hobby after returning from sabbatical? One hopes so.

Here is a copy and paste from somewhere as to the Myth of Tiresias. The interesting claim (which Hera seems to have known to be true) was that women experience sex with more intense or complex pleasure than men. Perhaps this is related to the sheer number of nerve endings involved?

Tiresias did not claim that women have a stronger sex drive than men. Perhaps, if men get less pleasure, they compensate with greater frequency? LOL.

Teiresias was a Theban seer. During his youth he came upon two snakes coupling on a mountain near the city. He struck the female with his staff and walked on. He immediately found himself transformed into a woman.

Seven or eight years later, coming upon the same snakes engaged in the same activity, Teiresias struck the male and returned at once to his masculine form.

Not long after, while Hera and Zeus were debating whether a man or a woman takes the greater pleasure from sex, it occurred to them to call in Teiresias as arbiter, since he was the only man on earth who could answer the question from firsthand knowledge. The young man responded that women experienced nine or ten times more pleasure than men.

This reply infuriated Hera, who blinded Tiresias on the spot. Zeus, on the other hand, rewarded him with the gift of prophecy and gave him long life as well.

> As a man, I sometimes feel as though I have to defend or
> apologize for my biology

Well said.

I consider myself a feminist and think men (myself included) often make asses of ourselves. But I also believe the culture has devolved to the point that acting like a man is shameful, or at least laughable (i.e. TV shows in which the father is and his  8 year old daugher wise).

That said, I believe there would be less war if more women were in power. (Yeah, yeah, Margaret Thatcher and the Falklands...)

LG,

Some thoughts from an Ol' Hound who's observed life and met a few rabbits along the trail.
You continually amaze me with your perception and depth of understanding. May I add to your politically succinct reply…

If you are in the company of a truly passionate gal and inspire her animal to emerge, she will readily handle several fellows to exhaustion with little preamble (a little wine usually helps) beyond the first fellow. Otherwise all bets are usually off.

As to the Myth of Tiresias, I believe it. Most of my passionate companions, and not all have so been, have mentioned that their orgasms are never the same twice, even with the same partner - leading one to believe that Hera’s intuition is true with respect to “complex”. Secondly, if emotionally and physically inspired, most partners did orgasm for many times longer than I and with far greater intensity, and let us not make light assumptions about my enjoyment of the fair sex. They would pass out of my reality into a place filled only with the sensations of their body, emotions, and the moment, and occasionally remain there for alarming periods. Awsome indeed, and a place not any man I’ve met has ever been.

To those who question their ability:

Pleasing a gal in bed appears to be 80% heart, chemistry and consideration, and 20% knowing well what you're doin'. If any one of these are missing, bring more wine and a vibrator.

Enjoying a womans softness and essence (nurturing) during the afterglow will complete to the 10’s a fine experience for almost any lady whose company you do cherish. They’ll not forget you and will be so glad to see you again – almost regardless of the engagement venue. But this is just my take on a hugely complex and unquantifiable subject. To women it’s about relationships, to men it’s about ego & tail.

Inxsnnj said it well.

I am sure that a true nympho female is rare, however I am truly one. I could fuck my SO 20 times a day, every single day of my life. I have had other relationships prior to this one, and as long as I was genuinely physically attracted to my partners (not always the case), there was not one of them that had a drive that exceeded my own. I actually lost a relationship when I was 18 because I was constantly demanding sex. So yes, it can happen. And yes, before I was a provider, I was out trolling for cock, for free. That's why I always figured I should do this for a living. I just wish I'd figured out how a decade ago. LOL.

I am not 30 yet but even in the last decade I can comment that my sexual experience has changed a great bit. I actually credit one man with training my body to have vaginal orgasms, but it's like a door that once you've gone through your body never goes back. Thanks to him, I am able to have multiple or even continuous vaginal orgasms depending on the level of skill of my partner. Funny thing is that I very rarely crave a clitoral orgasm now that I have the vaginal ones. If I am by myself and need to get off, clitoral is what I go for because that's the easiest and the fastest way for me to self-stimulate, but other than that I probably only crave one or two clitoral o's a month in the context of a sexual coupling.

I have read and also genuinely have experienced that women's actual sexual desire levels peak at the same time as men, that being 17-19 yrs of age and declining steadily thereafter. When I was 17 yrs old, I was an actual sexual menace. LOL. Now, tho my drive is still much greater than other women's and probably still greater than any man's, I am able to live my life without the constant sexually obsessed distractions that damned near crippled me a decade ago. I believe that the misconception that a woman hits her sexual peak at age 35-40 comes from the fact that this is the age that a woman has come to feel most comfortable with her own sexuality and therefore usually has more satisfying couplings at that age due to lowered body and sexual inhibitions. After this point, I would credit a decline in female libido to peri-menopause and menopause as well as a lessening in satisfaction with body image in the aging female.

the description of a "nymphomaniac" would be a woman who would not care if she had sex with an SO or just about anyone else. A more correct clinical descripton of a 'nymphomaniac' would be  a female sex addict.

As we have discussed here before, a sex addict is not necessarily physically attracted to her [in this case] partner. In my clinical experience - and the clinical literature supports it - female sex addicts oftentimes find themselves engaging in sex acts with people they would otherwise find UNattractive or downright repulsive. This includes the acts themselves; in addition, feelings of shame, emptiness and despair often follow.

"Nymphomaniac" is an older term - a counterpart to male Satyriasis - which has been used in a derogatory way up until this century, mostly to describe a HEALTHY female sex drive.

As for being 18 and constantly demanding sex, well, that's not unusual or nymphomaniacal. It is healthy and follows a predicted hormonal pattern. In Europe, where sex education and mores are a little different than in the United States, you will find that teenagers have lots of protected sex, if not endorsed then at least not prohibited, by anxious parents and a fearful society.

"Trolling for cock, for free" also doesn't seem terribly nymphomaniacal. The difference would be if the trolling took on an addictive component, much like drug seeking. If you were finding yourself in a strange house, next to a strange man and felt bad and disconnected from having sex, rather than satiated, happy and positive about the encounter, AND it happened over and over again, then yes, I would say that the older epithet would fit the bill.

Wanting to fuck your SO 20 times sounds great; wanting to fuck anyone and everyone at all times sounds unproductive and even perilous. I doubt you're in the latter camp.

Happy trails,
the Love Goddess

The question was posed if Ladies in the business had higher sex drives than men.

You gave a firm answer that they did not, and said that if a woman saw four clients a day she was faking.

Then the query was made if any actual ladies in this business, those that actually experience the work, disagreed.

Now, whereas Miss Rose may have used (and misused) an outdated term, your answer here seems a bit off from what you initially wrote as a reply to the original query...unless of course what you are now implying is that all men are sex addicts, that have sex with women they find repulsive and partake in activities they find repulsive.

She was disagreeing with your learned assertion that women, specifically in this business, have a lower sex drive than men, and used her anecdotal experience (I am well aware of scientific method, and know that anecdotal evidence isn't exactly "proof", but then again all of Kinsey's work was based on the anecdotal wasn't it?) as illustration, of her own sex drive, in her experience out pacing that of men she has had experiences with. You completely dismissed her statements, because she used the wrong term?  because she disagreed with you? because you didn't care what she was actually trying to state?
It is possible her disagreement with you was "advertisement" I suppose, but you could have at least done your own "faking" and acted like you read what she was saying with any level of belief that she was making an honest statement.

That you focused on the laywoman's misuse of a term to imply she couldn't be correct in her statement is touch rigid and myopic.

I have yet to see you imply that men with a "healthy sex drive" must be waking up with strange women and having regret and emptiness from that to have a strong sex drive...so why is that apparently your standard for a woman that says she does have a stronger sex drive than the men she has been with?

You stated as fact:
"But being a constantly sexed-up, voracious female? No, I don't believe it for a minute.

So the fact still stands - the female sex drive is no match for the male. He is superior in that regard."

She disagreed, you then stated that unless she regretted what she did had an empty feeling following activities and did things with those that repulsed her she was wrong...but the comparison was male and female sex drive...not addiction, not aberrant sexual behavior that can be harmful to the person doing it...unless you think that is what male sex drive is all about.

The topic is male sex drive and the sex drive of women in this business...this post of yours in light of the actual topic is comparing apples and orangutans.  

Maybe you just didn't actually read what the reply was made to, and ignored all the other posts so you had to focus on the one misused term, by a layperson without a degree in sexology, or psychology...but if that's the case maybe you could have seen what post of yours she was disagreeing with so you could have given something akin to a relevant answer...instead of just rehashing how she used the wrong term.

You might talk with a therapist about your issues with people disagreeing with you. *smirk*

-- Modified on 3/14/2007 8:29:10 PM

Reo any providers disagree with LG's answer above?

BostonGreg,

i believe that LG's response is true for the majority of women.

i will be honest and say that i have a fairly low sex drive. i don't walk around in a state of constant physical arousal. however at the same time i have a very strong desire/need for sex. above you asked if any provider is motivated by the desire to help or heal men. well the answer is yes, because i am one. it's of the utmost importance to me to please and satisfy men, and this profession is one way in which i can accomplish that, while at the same time getting the bills paid. if i were independently wealthy, i'd still do what i do, and happily so, sans the green pieces of paper.

from what i understand most providers like to create the fantasy of a sexually voracious woman. and it's true that many men are attracted to this type of woman, illusion or not. however i'm unique in that i make clear to all potential clients that i find my pleasure purely in serving...i don't care about orgasm (would rather not actually), i don't flirt, i don't seduce. i am just there, a willing servant, a tool for his pleasure.