Whew! Double that!!
I see two distinctly separate issues, however connected by one person.
1. BDSM as a life style - I cannot comment on it since I do not practice it. I can empathize with the thrills, like for me the thrills of skiing fast (I used to be an alpine racer, way back and for the heck of it also raced motorcycles.)
2.Falling for your provider. Lots of threads on this forum about that topic. A very tough issue, whatever the lifestyle. Been there, struggled with it, eventually moved to an other island (my then job, fortunately, not the racing thing), end of the issue for that time. Think long and hard about what you are headed to, especially if you plan to stay put and she does the same. As opposite of "staying put" = "moving far away" I would use that to visit it takes more than 18 hours of travel round trip.
Good luck
this is a strange subject to broach but, I have been delving into the world the alternate life stlye. In other words BDSM. I have met a provider that has walked me down this road and I have become very good at it. She is the ultimate submissive. ANd I have learned the world of the Dom.
That being said, she no longer charges me and we have long afternoon sessions ending in very satisfing sex. I am emotionally falling for this woman. She is still professionally active and talks to me sometimes about the men(without names) that she sees to give my hand a heavier delivery.
She tells me often that she is in love with me, calls me daddy, and offers anything ,anytime I want.
In love with a provider, in love with this crazy life style, losing it. what do I do next?
Not strange at all, file37,
But what to do next? Only you know your tolerance for pain and pleasure ;-0. I'm talking the emotional kind. Right now, your dopamine levels in your brain are going up and down like a joyride in an elevator, because you're stuck on your phantasy trip.
Now picture an every day life together. You get up from a good nights sleep. For breakfast, you give her a good wallop and get a nice screw in return. Then you go to your job [I hope!] and she goes to hers. You're both gone all day, then come home, tired from working so hard. You talk about your jobs. She tells you about all the men she's fucked, sucked and consorted with. You talk about whatever it is you do. Then you have your meal, watch some television or a movie, and then go to bed. Maybe you have some sex, maybe you don't. Tomorrow, you're visiting your folks. Next week, it's the tax returns. Life goes on.
My point with all this is that your phantasy condition you currently enjoy cannot be sustained for long periods of time if you let reality creep into your life. And it will, if you're really seriously in love with her [and she with you.]
Now there have been many doms, subs, switches and masters who have fallen in love with each other and lived reg'lar committed lives together. I've known some personally. But in many ways, it's a "lifestyle," particularly when it's a couple who "play." Their friends are people "on the scene." I have no idea how involved your provider lover is involved, but that isn't even the point.
As long as the phantasy and playing aspect of the relationship is sustained, you will continue to have all this fun. But please go beyond and begin to analyze a life together beyond erotica. Does it hold any substance? Does it have potential? Can your relationship withstand the humdrum of every day tedium? Can you hang together for extended periods without playing? What are the other aspects of this woman's personality? Intelligence? Problem-solving? Crisis management? Integrity? Confidence? Capacity for constructing a meaningful life?
Sounds boring. You bet. But it's real, and many happy relationships remain so because the partners have really invested time and effort into learning about each other from a very thorough and non-sexual perspective. But many people do not analyze any potential partner in this fashion. And that's why 50% of all marriages end in divorce, at least in California. I'm not saying you should marry her. But I am saying that you need to know what it's like NOT having a crazy life style with her. If that seems too daunting of a task, then just play and get it out of your system. Someone may get hurt, maybe unintentionally. Or not, if you play with reality and sanity in mind.
Other posters, take over,
the Love Goddess
Whew! Double that!!
I see two distinctly separate issues, however connected by one person.
1. BDSM as a life style - I cannot comment on it since I do not practice it. I can empathize with the thrills, like for me the thrills of skiing fast (I used to be an alpine racer, way back and for the heck of it also raced motorcycles.)
2.Falling for your provider. Lots of threads on this forum about that topic. A very tough issue, whatever the lifestyle. Been there, struggled with it, eventually moved to an other island (my then job, fortunately, not the racing thing), end of the issue for that time. Think long and hard about what you are headed to, especially if you plan to stay put and she does the same. As opposite of "staying put" = "moving far away" I would use that to visit it takes more than 18 hours of travel round trip.
Good luck
You always love, the one you hurt, the one you shouldn't love at all....
But seriously, what LG is saying makes sense.
Have you been married or been in a LTR before?
If not, then talk to people who have.
Life is mostly tedium and humdrum, and that's on the good days.
Having an SO can help to make life better, but only if you are committed enough to it to make it so. It's not an extended vacation.
Think about the real issues that face us, the big stuff: Fidelity, will you each be monogamous (not counting her job, of course), and how do you feel about her job? Money? Who makes what? How do you plan to make arrangements regarding who supports who? (Most marriages go splitsville over finances, BTW, not fidelity.)
And that awful four letter word: kids.
Enough to mull over for now?
When you've finished with that, come back.
There's more where this came from. (Ever try to work out who gets the bathroom when?)
Having read this over it seems a bit flip and harsh by about half, but I don't want to change it.
But I do want to say...the idea of starting a LTR with this person has merits that should be explored.
Please do so.
I did.
I'll draw a (probably mildly) weird analogy here.
Imagine your favorite treat. Maybe it's chocolate ice cream. You have it every couple weeks or month or so, just as a treat to yourself.
Now your refigerator's stocked to the gills with chocolate ice cream. Now you're looking at your favorite treat - every day.
Is it still a treat for yourself, or is it now a boring staple?
Take your time with the lady. Meet some other ladies who practice this fetish. You might find that you're confusing the excitement with love.
"The grass is always greener"...so they say.It is hard to see the line at times.I too have fallen over it,a few times.I must frequently remind myself that no matter how titillating ,he is not mine to keep.With that I learn to appreciate the fantasy.I agree that BDSM is a lifestyle.The everpresent undercurrent for many.Don't be so hard on yourself to figure it out.It might be a pleasure for her aswell as for you.Enjoy the ride as far as it may take you.
kisses from your sarah in the 818
you can without creating a lot of emotional baggage for either of you... assuming the lady is a serious provider, she is probably well aware that this may last only a short time... just be honest with her and enjoy the moment... life is too short.