No problems with staying hard with masturbations and girlfriends (women I know), but when it comes to the providers, it's difficult to stay hard with stimulation or even blowjobs. It never gets hard enough so I can penetrate her, even though she is very attractive and I am very turned on. It's weird because it just stays soft. Is it because I am nervous? What are some ways I can stay hard for a period of time? Please help Love Goddess.

I too often have the same plight. I'm not sure if it's guilt (about the donation, the SO, etc) or that my focus is elsewhere (my job, my SO, etc) but it really sucks. If the providers is amazingly seductive and entrancing, this head-trip vanishes immediately. However, if my nervousness (from what, I'm still not sure...) is allowed to foster, my session can be fraught with a snowballing performance anxiety....equating in the small head staying forever small.

I can't wait to hear what the Love Goddess has to say about this one, although I'm quite sure this topic has surfaced on this newer board already.

-- Modified on 9/4/2006 6:27:34 PM

If you have good sexual relations with your girl friends, why go to a provider in the first place, especially if you are having sexual difficulties with them?

Most men see providers exactly because they have sexual difficulties at home and find those problems disappear with a provider.

To superstud2001 and Love Puppet

Like an 80s rocker, Love Goddess will simply quote the one-hit-wonder 'Frankie Goes To Hollywood' and sing: "Relax, don't do it, when you wanna go to it, relax, don't do it, when you wanna come!"

Yes, I do attribute your difficulties to anxiety and a bad case of nerves. The brain is your most powerful sexual organ. In cases like these, I usually suggest providers who are good conversationalists who can deflect the attention from the sex...at least in the early part of the session. I would also suggest spending time with someone a little more "mature," and also perhaps booking multiple hours.

The best thing would be if you could have a dinner date, or lunch date and then slowly segue into the sexual portion of the encounter. Anything to remove the intense focus on what HAS to be done. It's difficult being on a time schedule when it comes to intimacy. Some people, male or female, just need more time to explore the person they are with, regardless of how intensely attracted they may be.

As to some ways to stay hard..hmm..cock rings work for some people, Viagra for others. But I really believe that isn't your issue. One other way would be to actually book a session with a provider and NOT have sex the first time. Yes, it will be more expensive, but so will going from provider to provider and never getting it on.

What do other gents say?
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 9/4/2006 6:53:24 PM

tough to diagnose your problem with just what info you gave.
HOw many times has this happened and has this always been the case every time?


It is very revealing that you say that you have no problems masturbating or with girlfriends you know. What about when you first have sex with a new girl, not an escort? Do you still have E.D.?
If you don't, then it sounds like you have a mental block.
Now you'll ask, "how do I get around that?"
I'm not the expert here but if you want to continue seeing escorts and not waste your hard earned money, go to a doctor, get a health check up and then ask for some free ED meds.
See what works and what doesn't.
If nothing else, the placebo effect of taking an ED drug should cure your ED when you're with an escort.  
If the ED meds don't work, time for you to get professional help; a psychiatrist.

RH

Some providers are open for multiple-hour sessions, so, yes, like LG says, start off slow and easy.  See if you can meet her for dinner or down at the hotel bar.  If she's open for it, maybe spend some time emailing back and forth before the actual date, get to know her and get an idea if she's the one who'll fit best, so to speak.

Going straight for the provider - and that hour or so of sex - might not be the way to go for you though.  Perhaps massages might be the way to break yourself in.  Check through the TER listings, maybe ask for a recommendation on one of the regional boards.  I'd have to recommend that you look for a therapist who will give you an actual massage first, something to help you melt your cares and concerns away, rather than just a rub-and-tug masseuse.

As Mr. Fisher mentioned though, if you have a good relationship with your SO, on all levels, including sexually, why do you want to pursue this hobby?  Variety?  Excitement?  The little voice in the back of your head might be telling you this isn't a good option, at least not at this point in time.

I experienced the same issue the first few times with providers.  Difficulty with erections with them, otherwise fairly good.  I also attributed it to nerves.

I take a small dose of either Viagra or Levitra as an insurance policy.  Never fails to let me bring myself to full potential, as well as a quicker recovery for the second or third rounds.  Downside is that is sometimes makes it a little harder to come, but I have become used to it now, and it works fine for me, as well as gives me a peace of mind that I will able to perform when the clock i running.

Good Luck

yes, i was nervous.. as nervous as a schoolboy on his first date.  luckily my provider was willing to work passed but I lamented over it for WEEKS!!!  I SO want to go at it again (there are SO many beautiful providers here in Phoenix), but this thing in my head says.. "what happens if it happens again?" It's EMBARRASSING!!

Yes, this just happened to me during my first time and in a two hour session.  I had worked myself up to such anticipation, and she was such a knockout, I could not relax.
Lots of good info on the MensHealth website, and I am also going to a Urologist to at least eliminate the physical factors before working on my head.
I intend to repeat a session with the same provider, thinking we know each other well enough to make it work.

brain are you referreing to?  The upper or the lower?

Went to doc, said I was impotent. I take
25 or 50 Viagra before I leave the office
for the date ... and no problem.  If it
gets soft, it gets hard again easy.
Ba-da-bing, thank you ma'm.

...I normally see only providers with big titties, as I'm a tit man.  But moreso than that, if you're with a chick that will only give a CBJ and you can't get hard enough to put on the condom, then you're stuck?  Not if you've got a big-tittied chick that likes it between the boobs.  It has done the trick for me, it may work for you.

I can identify with all of this. I've never been able to perform with anyone my first time. I saw my first provider and couldn't get hard even with BBBJ. I did eventually come, anyway. The second time that I saw her, she gave me a nice massage. I really didn't expect any improvement, but to my surprise, I became hard enough in her mouth to be deep throated for the first time in my life. It also helped, I think, that I really click with this woman, so my mental/emotional state was good.

...good ole Bible Belt training.

-- Modified on 11/22/2006 8:04:27 PM