Well, it has finally happened - one wonderful lady I have been seeing for years and years has made me an offer I cannot refuse.  Originally, she was massage/tantra provider only, but the last session we had led to a discussion of the non-vanilla world and she said she would love to have a meeting with me for BDSM session.  I agreed.

While I have experienced the pleasure and pain of a great Mistress I have been seeing over the years and am very fond of, this has led to a dilema in my head... crazy, but I actually feel like I will be cheating on my ATF domme by having a session with my tantra provider...

In the back of my mind, I know this is ridiculous but the feeling is there.  

Am assuming this is just normal, and I should be slapping myself knowing this is all business - but  just can't shake the feeling.  Needless to say, I am going to the session today.

Thoughts?

Logically, there is nothing to be ashamed about, but our brains are wired in a way that won't let us leave it behind.

Of course there's probably no reason to suspect that the ATF will find out about the new BDSM partner, but the thought will be there in your mind anyway.  As they say: perception is the reality.

I had an unpleasant situation where I started to see the partner of a favorite whom I met when we did threesomes.

The first person did find out and while I still saw both of them for a long period afterwards, their relationship chilled quite a bit for obvious reasons.  I still feel guilty over their splitting up, but what's done is done.  I don't think I would ever put myself in that situation again.

Mr Fisher answered your question with, what I assume, is a story of a lady he saw in the more "standard" way in this business, and it may be applicable...but what I am wondering, is it possible that your reaction has less to do with "cheating" on a woman you pay for time, and the unique dynamic of a Domme relationship?

By that, of course you pay your ATF Domme for her time, which makes you "the boss" (so to speak), but what you are actually paying for is to be her sub, to make her "the boss".

Whereas I have no way of knowing the specifics of your sessions with your Domme, I do know that some Dommes will punish a sub for reaching "release" before she says he may, or reward him for doing so on command. Even if your sessions are not nearly that "controled" in the role of sub your pleasure, your pain, are hers to allow you to experience, or not.

If that "allowing" of your experience is a part of your time with your Domme, and if she is "the boss" it isn't that much of a stretch to think you could have feelings of "cheating" on her by having another Domme fill that role for you.

There is also a huge amount of trust to the Domme situation, on the part of both the Domme and the sub...this could add to feelings of "cheating" by seeing another for that.

Since you didn't have an issue seeing the same lady for massage, but do if she provides Domme services, then I would be inclined to think it the Domme dynamic that has you having these feelings.
Which in their own way, kind of make perfect sense.
Now, in a way, that you are having these feelings means you have a good D/s relationship with your Domme, you respect her as your Mistress, so you don't go elsewhere for that lightly.

In this situation (if it is the D/s dynamic which is causing these feelings) I wonder if there could be a way to either seek permission  from your current Domme to see another, perhaps with some tasks you must meet to get that permission, or perhaps, since you seem to be saying you are going through with the BDSM session with the other lady anyway, if you could "confess" and seek "punishment" for your "transgression"?

I do wonder though, if this will effect your "relationship" with your current ATF Domme. Once you "cheat" if there are no reprisals, if you can do "whatever you want" and she has no say in it...do you still respect her as your Domme as much anymore? or do you end up feeling less submissive?

*the above post is written with supposition that this is in fact an actual Domme/sub situation and not just a bit of spanking or other "pain" added to a "regular" session with a lady in this business.

"WebTerrorist" made some excellent points.

The sub/domme relationship is unique in that as WT said you, the sub, are paying for a "service" which is to be dominated.  If you read books on the subject, during BDSM "role play" the sub is really the one in control.  (In lifestyle 24/7 it's different, there the sub definately relinquishes control.)

Obviously by the time you read this you will have already done the deed so my advice is you need to tell your regular domme and submit to her punishment.

If you are supposed to be her exclusive property then she needs to punish you quite severely.  And she should post photos here for everyone to see. We can then critique if the punishment has been sufficent of if you need more.

Giggle,
TS Mistress Jamie

Dear sgandolfs,
Web Terrorist is asking some excellent questions...to which only you know the answer.

As to your question, "Am I assuming this is just normal, and I should be slapping myself knowing this is all business," well, doesn't this prove that it isn't just "all business.." at least not for you?

I truly believe that BDSM activities, even if performed as a paid service, encompass much more psychological attributes (permitted and encouraged) than vanilla sex encounters. By definition, they would have to - it's "play," and "scenes." That's why I also believe that successful Dommes [and I've met a few here in LA] have displayed not only intelligence, but also some psychological insight. Remember that being a Domme has less to do with how stereotypically gorgeous a woman is, and more with how well she "plays" with the client. So, if your relationship with your ATF Domme does encompass feelings of loyalty, some dependence and some "psychological holding and containment," usually performed by the Domme, it would cause some "dependency" and fear of "offending your Mistress," psychologically speaking.

It's good you decided to go through with the session. Only afterwards will you be able to gauge your feelings and make an emotional inquiry. As to the ATF Domme...what does she say?

Let us know,please,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 4/9/2007 2:37:21 PM

Well... went to the session yesterday and it was just fine... not as intense as one would be with the ATF, but that is to be expected since is does take a while to establish a relationship and learn various boundaries.
Little did I realize just yesterday, that I could be testing the limits of my relationship re ATF but in the back of my mind, I am really just asking her to turn up the punishment another notch to give myself a bigger challenge.
I will be seeing the ATF domme in two weeks and of course, will let her know what has transpired.  I have no choice here, as it turns out while chatting with the Tantra provider, she KNOWS and has MET the domme ATF....
Shit... now I am fantasizing about a double with them....

Very good comments from everyone.  I went through a similar situation when my ATF domme was out of town for an extended period...I went to see another domme and later found out that they do double domme experiences together and know each other well.  The new domme was a very good experience and different from my ATF, whom I still prefer...but I have a real fantasy about seeing them together.  My ATF domme turned up things a notch when she returned and really teased me into a frenzy, so I am sure she knew about the situation.  It was delicious.