-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:26:13 AM

Well, there is an old saying, "none are so blind as those who will not see".  Since you intend to stay married, I think the options are pretty clear as you already exposed.  Accept your time with her knowing that its a business deal and nothing more.. enjoy the fantasy and be grateful that she delivers the GFE that seems to be what you want.  But don't lose sight of the fact that for her, its a business and that means she sees others and probably gives them the GFE too.  For you, it's a fantasy away from home.  It is what it is and don't be fooled into thinking that its anything else.

I had a similar problem several years ago with a dancer in a club here.  I was getting emotionally involved in seeing her for lap dances.  The only possible outcome(s) of this situation were bad; I could make a fool out of myself, spend a lot of money, end up hurt.  
My solution was to buy her a drink and tell her I wouldn't be getting lap dances from her anymore 'cause I am enjoying them too much.'  Ended the problem totally, from then on when I was in the club I would get a smile and a wave (maybe) from her as she worked the room.  
Bottom line was that it jerked me back into reality that she, like a provider, was only interested in me for Andy Jacksons and when they dried up, she was gone.
MVR

Deep sigh - indeed shudaknownbetter,

If you really want to kill your golden goose - and your eggs while you're at it - then continue to pursue this fruitless exercise. Yep. Sit by the screen, read those reviews, torture yourself, wait, calculate, obsess, give up your choices, your cash, ponder, ruminate, let your emotions yo-yo, yes, go with AAAAALLLLL your feelings, and get... what?

Now, I understand that this has become an emotional burden for you. But if your [big] head is telling you to back off, JUST DO IT. The fact that this woman is not playing you like a helpless violin is to her immense credit. Hey girl, if you're reading this, hats off to you!

Meanwhile, you know exactly what to do. Begin to diversify your potential gene pool. Cuz man, this is still all about short term mating strategies, except that you have supplanted some of your more long-term resources (i.e. a somewhat regular stream of cash) into an emotional investment that will go nowhere.

Would it help to let you know that you are her CLIENT and CLIENT only? And that when you say
"There is nothing like a couple of hours in each others arms," that only goes for you? Get this please - it's her JOB to make you feel this way.

As for another ATF, for your sake I hope you don't find any, because it's possible that your feelings are not capable of withstanding the process of compartmentalization. At this point, I have become convinced that the guys who can handle the hobby most successfully are those who happily get laid at home, but for some reason are so hypersexed that they need sexual stimulation at least once a day, and the wife just isn't enough. For those who don't get any around the house and who transfer the sexual/romantic feelings they could be having for their wife to a paid gig, it takes nerves of steel not to get involved. Yup, that's human nature for ya. If you don't believe me, watch Lina Wertmuller's film "Swept Away" [no, not the abomination with Madonna, the far superior earlier version].

Okay, 'nuff said. Back off, start searching, get laid elsewhere. It's a FUCKING business, but a business nevertheless.

Hope your leg is better,
the Love Goddess

Well join the club of losing perspective with emotions for a provider. I and many others have gone through this. It did not turn out well for me for a variety of reasons that could have easily been prevented which I regret. I have learned alot however so in some ways it was good for me. Plus I still have many nice memories. It's one of those lessons I only need to experience one time

Now I am single but since you are married and plan to stay married you simply cannot get carried away with your emotions.  You must use your rational mind to remind yourself that a few hours every once in a while in this context is not comparable to a marriage. You have no way of knowing whether you would even like this person if you were together on a day to day basis. You might have raging arguments about who is going to let the dog out I've said this before on here but love and strong emotions are not enough for a healthy relationship. I've seen this in my clinical practice time and time again and also experienced it personally.

Being single I feel like I can develop bonds with providers as long as I respect the boundaries and we are both comfortable with it. Have to communicate about these things. Learned that lesson.

If you are married and want to stay that way I think you need to be even more cautious about developing feelings for a provider. Another thing to remember is spouses can pick up on the subtle changes in dynamics when your mind is focused on someone else much easier than most people realize.

So have fun and Good Luck!

I agree that it is much easier if you are married, happily getting laid at home, and just are out to have a little extra fun to be a good client.  Probably a favorite client for most providers I would imagine.

However then there are guys like me. Single, 55 years old, married twice, and don't want to date any more. Plus unfortunately I am sensitive and like to fantasize about intimacy and all that stuff in addition to the sex Yes I lost control of my emotions for one provider and she was actually pretty patient with me overall but it did not end well and  that was painful for me.  On the positive side a good learning experience.  

Anyway I am determined to make this fucking business work for me because I do not want to deal with real dating anymore and this is so exciting and fun.  I have learned my lessons and seem to have a handle on things now and I have a couple of providers I really like and have done really well with the boundaries. Plus I plan to meet many more.  I actually decided if I even came close to feeling so intesnsely about someone again I would only see agency providers as that would be easier boundary wise. Haven't had to do that yet.

So even though I totally agree with your premise that the oversexed married guys make the best clients I plan to be an exception to the ruleIt usually takes a 2 by 4 up against my head to learn something and it worked

-- Modified on 9/29/2008 8:52:03 AM

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:27:20 AM

I have developed deep  feelings for a provider. I, too, am married, and have no intention of leaving my wife.   But, as I wrote on the General Board, when I had to have some cancer treatments she insisted on coming with me to sit with me so that I would not be alone.   I just made two different trips to pharmacies to get her medications and send them to her out of town.  

Yes, I am sure that when we started she only made me feel good because that was her job.   But now she tells me that what we have together is nothing like what she has with her clients (she refuses to call me a client any more), and I believe her.

I have a couple of ATF's that I have known for two or three years as well. Both are low volume, both are UTR and rarely or never reviewed. Nevertheless I know full well that I am not the only guy on either of their dance cards.  I also know that neither of them is looking for a relationship, neither is looking for me to leave my wife and neither has to manipulate me for my money. I pay it willingly and I get a pretty amazing ROI from both of them

In short I've got it really really good!

They are special ladies and we share a lot that goes way beyond me paying them for sex. Both have PITA X's and I spend a lot of time letting them vent, being non-judgemental and sympathetic. It's tough for escorts to open up to their civie friends since the hobby is usually part of why their relationships go bad. It's easier for them to talk with a trusted insider.  The fact is I am LG's worst example of a hobbyist-the lonely guy who looks for affection outside of his marriage. I seek and I sometimes find, I just have learned how to handle it. For me the connection, the emotions, make the experiences and time spent with these ladies that much better.  I know that won't work for everybody but it works for me.

The question is SKB, can you make it work for YOU? You ARE in fact treading on dangerous ground here my friend.  Only you can decide how much you can handle. Giving in to the emotional side may work for you, it may not.  The best advice I can give is that when it stops being fun that is when it's time to move on  

-- Modified on 9/29/2008 12:48:01 PM

mostly in your mind. It is your fantasy and you have made what you want it to be. The provider helped you do this to yourself because you paid her to do it.

So now its feeling real huh? Well that's how humans work. Get used to it because it is not something that you can control.

Yesterday I saw a lover from years ago in a cafe. We spoke and within minutes the old feelings were back.

The hobby is about fantasies. Learn to create multiple satisfying ones with your ATF. Talk to her about fantasies that don't involve you and see how how she can help improve your fantasy.

All of this works quite well for me. There is nothing like having your ATF describe a hard days work in vivid detail. It tends to keep things real.

Then it is still a job. All of the other stuff you share may be very real, I know it is with my lady friends as well. That being said, you can never forget that part of your relationship is that of provider and customer.

Just a little bit of reality  here just to try and help you out.
Remember it’s easy to fall for some one you don’t have to be responsible for.
Would she still be your ATF if you had to worry about  her mortgage  ,here kids, here aging parents as you do with your wife now. Don’t get me wrong I don’t know you and I’m not judging I know form my own past experience before coming into the bizz. Love and affection fade rather quickly when all these other things come into play in REAL time. And right now you are no where near real time.  Unless you are ready to make that real life change lave it at it is. Beside will she have you any way. I know for me I like my independence  this bizz has afforded me. I love my clients for the people there and more immortally the ones they are not.  They are not the ones I have to be responsible for. For me relation ships are a responsibility in that when you care for some one you want to take of them don’t you? Are you ready for any of that ? Just a thought hope it helps.