I guess it was too good of a dream to last — you guys remember from m posts earlier I am a newbie to the bowl and after some effort back in early March, I landed a solid 21y old college cutie for a reasonable ppm and had been the time of my life w her every week

Also recall she got an internship last month and I was concerned her busy job won’t leave much time for sugaring . She ended up moving farther away for this job , and rather than reduced frequency of dates, I have now been ghosted !  Yes after 3 months of passionate raw sex first time in my life (dead bedroom marriage),  now she just thought it was time to move on - and no response to my texts for last 2 weeks. You cant imagine the fall from high that I felt - couldn’t even focus at work as she was sooo addictive! Damn !  

Well as luck would have it , one other pot that I was in touch with back in April reached out to me week before last to ask if I had found someone. By this time I have already deactivated my SA act (only paid one month when I started) so While I vaguely remember meeting her (I had two dozen m&g back then) I wasn’t sure . But I was feeling super horny so I said what the heck let’s meet her  

She invited me to her place last week — and my god was she gorgeous, although a bit older (27)  than my college SB - but with a total beach body w a perfect tan. We spent 3 hrs doing it every which way and she seemed hungry for more until I was exhausted.  

I feel like that Seinfeld episode “even Steven” where one hand taketh the other giveth. The universe works in wonderful ways lol  

One thing I want some opinion on - she doesn’t have a car right now and wants to buy one and is looking for help . Obviously i know enough not to shell out cash upfront but how should I approach this - maybe offer to cover her monthly payment ?  How have others approached their SBs request in this regard ? She is not looking for something fancy but she is a white collar professional in a  marketing role so not looking to buy a clunker either.  

Figured since I have always benefited by posting every question here for last 4 months , I ask you guys once again to help out w advice thanks

Absolutely do not buy her a car in your name. You will be stuck with the monthly payments for years if/when things don't work out which almost always happens eventually in the sugar bowl. SB's are extremely flaky as you have just experienced it yourself. If she is OK with you giving her money to cover the payment, I guess it's OK as long as it is no more expensive than a Toyota Camry type of car, but only after you have your romps in the sack first.

Thanks  

Yeah no way I am buying a car for her in my name - just that I was thinking of offering to cover her payments for something reasonable. You are right, it can’t be a fancier car than say an average Camry or accord  

The only date we had was great like I said, she was super into it and didn’t even want to use the cover (i insisted).  She has fallen on hard times at work where she needs additional income to support herself and paydown student loans.  I checked her work and company profile and educational history etc, she is legit  

I feel I have this chance where a genuinely smart and sexy girl (I would rate her a TER 9-10) has fallen on hard times, has been frustrated by flakes, has no time like other no job GPS girls to sit on SA and message all day ,  and hence has landed in my lap at what I consider a very very reasonable ppm for the area  

We had amazing sex (she almost crushed my head and her face turned flush after orgasming twice) and I think I passed the safe and good to sleep with test fwiw — and I don’t want her to keep looking at other pot SDs although I am not demanding exclusivity. She is super busy during the week and only gets to meet 1 afternoon a week which fits w my schedule also since I cannot do weekends (family)  

Again I know first hand now SBs can be flaky and I will probably be back here in 3 mos complaining about being ghosted again but I just love this experience - both the highs and lows of it

You're helping her financially to allow her to afford something. You don't want a relationship with her dependent on you and you tied into something.  As tomcat says, you never know if she will flake or ghost, or if you decide she's no longer for you.
It seems fair to say 'I'm giving you x to help you with your needs, as long as we have a relationship,' and there are no strings.

Yeah man you never know

With this college sb - I thought I knew her, so much compatibility, she was always happy w the ppm , sex was great , I helped her w her resume etc,  and now poof - just vanished into thin air.   I guess I should be thankful I got a good 3 months out of it , but still bummed as to not even a goodbye. Maybe it’s the norm for that age group , don’t know

You just saw that with your original SB. Circumstances change, people's goals evolve, life happens.  So it's best to assume that even the best mutually-beneficial arrangements will ultimately end.  

 
But you want to help, and you are comfortable investing something in her needs.  Ok, cool. But you need to be strategic about how you make that investment.  You have to consider the best and worst possible outcomes before you move forward towards an outcome that will probably land in the middle.  

 
So how to decide on a course of action - if you want to do something?  

 
Budget:  
How much are you willing to spend? How much are you willing to lose?  These are NOT the same question! You can easily end up losing more than your budget if things go wrong.  Example: Agree to make 50% of her car payments - but her car breaks down and she can't go to work until it's fixed.  Now you may end up pressured to either make the full payment, or worse - pay for the repair. You have to at least understand how much you may need to pay if the plans go to shit.  

Type of help:  
As mentioned above, never agree to co-sign, co-own, or worse, "loan" her your property (like you car).  Look for opportunities to help her in a one-off activity. Once you've done your part, it's all up to her.  Example: Instead of supplementing monthly payments, go to the dealer with her and you negotiate the deal. Be aggressive and bargain hard for price, terms, warranty, etc. You can probably shave at least a few thousand dollars off the price she might have agreed to pay.  Or offer cash to add to her down payment.  Make a deal with her to fund $1k, $2k of her down in exchange for 3 or 4 weekend/overnights in addition to your regular schedule.  You get hella fun weekends, and you are not on the hook if she defaults on the loan or crashes the car, or just walks away for a bigger.... wallet.  

 
Solution Objectives:  
Look for opportunities to help solve the real problem, instead of paying for past mistakes. She wants help with car payments because she has no savings, poor credit, and not enough income.  Focus on solving the causes, not the results.  How can you help her get a car for less money? How can you help her improve her credit? How can you help her get a lower payment amount.  

 
SB's generally come to their SD's asking them to pay for their mistakes. That solves nothing and actually avoids the opportunity for her to learn how to not make these mistakes again.  So she asks her SD to make her payments, because she does not know how (or is not willing to do the work required) to lower her bills.  You can help her do a better job at adulting so she can better plan, execute, and evaluate/modify her behavior for the better. Just like we did (I hope!) when we are all her age.  

 
Time Horizon:  
The longer it takes for you to "recoup" your investment and/or for her to enjoy the benefit of your investment, the lower she will perceive the value of that investment.  In the car payment scenario, after she's used to you making her payment (or part of it) for several months, she will start to see it as table stakes for your arrangement, not a special additional perk from her SD.   I had an arrangement that was originally priced at making her weekly car payment of $250 to the guy who "sold" her the car. That "guy" turned out to be her last SD, and he owned a used car business. She was required to make a weekly payment to him:  either $250 in cash, or ass.   She wanted me to make the payments and she would then give me the ass.  The implicit message was she's willing to fuck for cash, but she'd rather fuck me then the slimeball car guy.  Ok, good for me!  But after several months, she started implying that she didn't feel appreciated by me, as her SD.  I reminded her I was out of pocket $1k a month. But - and this is a key point - she could only understand that she was not heading home with sugar and gifts from her SD.  The car payments were essentially a passthrough and were now the new table stakes.  

 
Cash value vs. Benefit value:  
I've posted on this before in the context of calculating your total Sugar Spend and Budget.  For the SD, allowance is just one cost element in a sugar date. You need to add meals, transportation, hotels if travelling, gifts, tips, entertainment fees (movie/concert/tour fees, ect.) to your total cost.  So a date with $300 paid in allowance could cost you as much as $500-$800 or more! BUT the only number she will see, to the exclusion of all other costs, will be that $300.  That is the hard cash left in her hand at the end of the date. She won't see the inherent value in that $250 dinner bill because she cannot spend that rib eye steak and that 2012 Bottle of Bordeaux on her phone bill.  

 
Conclusions:  
You can certainly indulge your desire to help your SB achieve her goals. I actually get significant satisfaction knowing I have helped a young lady learn, grow and achieve real success in her life, and I got to shag her endlessly along the way!  Just be  - strategic - in how you provide that help by focusing on: immediate help, one-time benefit (so one-time risk) and help her solve real problems (as opposed to just paying for her mistakes).  

 
And do it all with the understanding that all arrangements end.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Yeah good points as always  

I think trying to work on a “car solution “ with her makes sense - see what she needs , help her negotiate it etc but keep it in her name and then support monthly payments . I am definitely not looking to co sign so I will have to tread carefully here.

You said "You cant imagine the fall from high that I felt " but of course I can, and so can many others.  I had an amazing sexual arrangement with the most beautiful girl I ever met, for an entire year, before she ghosted.   I was devastated, and it took me a long time to recover.  But that's the way it goes sometimes.

I've tried helping a few SBs get a car.  it's either been bad or disastrous!  Like I mean really, really bad outcomes!  I won't go into details.  But Herbs advice, to try and teach them how to do better instead of paying for their mistakes, is spot on as usual. If there's a way to help a SB buy a car that does not end in disaster I sure haven't figured it out yet.

Yeah I have to say man, men are supposed to be the powerful entity in the SR given the financial angle - but emotionally I find these girls have a much easier time moving on definitely. Maybe it’s the young age or lack of manners I don’t know. Obviously I wasn’t in mad love or anything but I never imagined someone you shared such intimacy with every week over several months will one day just ignore you completely. Lesson learned!  

And yes I hear you and others on the car - I am not going to get involved here - rather will just continue my ppm as usual and hopefully can nudge her into making a wise financial choice as to the car  

I will say this though - one thing I realized now - these SBs popping out to fill the void - happened because while I did not pursue her back in March / April . I was a super gentleman in person and on text and left a warm impression on her.  

As you guys have said here , alway part on a good note , NEVER burn bridges or leave a sour taste . I mean I was almost ready to shell out $$ for SA again , 3 months after deactivating my account and this beauty just saved me the hassle.  

If she was to do this as an escort she could easily rake in 1.6-1.8x for the hour versus what I am giving her for a 3h+ date where I have to make  excuses to leave her apartment and she is cool w me even staying over (damn how I wish I was f ing single again like many of you guys) . But Thanking my lucky stars for now

That's why 80% of marriages are initiated by women.  It's an evolutionary thing.  Women needed providers. If hubby gets killed fighting the neighbor tribe or gets eaten hunting a saber toothed tiger, she needs a new provider.  
.
Now consider these rental girls.  Think they have any loyalty or attachment?  Please.

She is not your GF. You are having a mutually beneficial arrangement with her: you get sex and she gets $$$. There are no emotional attachments at all. You can be kind of like a friend with her like I am with a few of my SBs, but there are no heartaches when she moves on. I do hope they get a real job and have a career when they move on.

They have every right to break it off whenever they want I am not disputing t that  

Even if your housekeeper or Gardner or chiropractor wanted to discontinue their service they would atleast notify you - even a 1-2 liner text  

What I was surprised is by this sudden and complete lack of contact and me being left clueless as to what happened.  

If she surfaces again when she needs money, or something else , I will let you guys know. But I have already moved on with this new one now so all is good

Comparing a contractor who provides notice prior to discontinuing services with a SB that ghosted you is completely nonsensical.  She probably thought you had the emotional intelligence to realize that ghosting is what lots of woman do and is commonplace with the SB set.   More importantly, if you think you can make rational sense of female behavior I wish you the best of luck.  I gave up on that endeavor eons ago.  

Equating “ghosting “ with “emotional intelligence “ ? Man you seem jaded . Hope I don’t reach that milestone.

Anyways like I said , it was a surprise (being ghosted after 3 mos of  regular and frequent intimacy and not just a random m&g or one date which in my experience is more common) ..  

won’t be a surprise the next time.

Newto1000 wrote a lot of truth there. You gotta realize, that while these SBs and even the Pros have emotions as human beings, they're mentally unstable, lack of long-term thinking, and have no real-work skillset to name a few. Most constantly put themselves in financial distresses and many lies and unwanted dramas with no ends in sight. Sadly, that's their everyday lifestyle. Learned my lesson and would never again attempt to solve their financial shortfalls.

I must say, though, once she's there with you, she can develop feelings toward you and make you feel on cloud 9 so enjoy the time like a new girlfriend to the full extent. Go with the flow but once she leaves, that is the invisible boundary you do not want to cross. PPM and no deposits or advanced allowances. Remember, you pay for play and even when it's free, there will be a hefty price tag for you to pick up at the end, financially, emotionally, or both.

Happy mongering!!

-- Modified on 6/25/2022 7:22:22 PM

But I had seen them for over 3 years so I guess they felt they owed me an explanation when they moved to another area or quit. One notified me she was quitting back in 2018, but I saw her profile again when I rejoined SA so I guess her career didn't pan out too well. On the other hand, several ones I only saw two or three times just ghosted and I never felt they had to notify me.

-- Modified on 6/26/2022 12:37:52 AM

It's also possible they ghost when they find a better deal.  

Yes that’s all I am saying

For me 3 months , i saw her 10 times , gave her full ppm each time and she seemed totally happy w it - if she wanted more , she could have atleast asked me for it  . Maybe 10 times is still not long enough to get a “i am moving on” text - whatever it is I will never know .  

maybe when she told me she was looking for a place to move into for her internship that was a hint ? I didn’t place too much importance on it at the time but recall I asked that question here . Either way, if that was part of her expectations then we couldn’t have been together for long anyways  

Anyways while I have someone new now , going forward i am going to try to alternate between 2 sbs — so i each each once every other week . That way I likely won’t have this happen again.

Totally possible - but I doubt she found someone new  that quickly . My ppm was decent (400) considering I saw her regularly every week and wasn’t too demanding of her time . Maybe she found someone at work , maybe she is busy w her job.  I checked and her old profile doesn’t seem to be active anymore - doesn’t mean ofc that some prior SD didn’t reach back out w a better  offer or that she didn’t create a new profile

And the lamest excuse imaginable — I won’t even go into details  

But I am guessing she wants to keep her options open maybe and hence the sudden texts after many weeks  

I am totally happy w the new one, we now have a weekly rhythm going and maybe it’s time to move on from the college sb - although she is a bit lower ppm and a tighter body so my little head is saying maybe …. damn

What would you guys do ? Ignore her ? I am guessing she will repeat this ghosting type behavior again in the future as well

You're not going to marry her! If the sex is hot and you accept that she's prone to ghosting, bring her back in. I have had this happen to me, too, and when she reappeared, the sex was even better. She eventually ghosted again but I've got enough going to keep me busy and if she reappears, I have options.

Chicks will lie to (try to) save face.  

 
Since she's back, and presumably hasn't moved or started a new job, or has a civilian BF, it's most likely she found a new SD with a bigger, harder, fatter.... wallet than you.  So she ghosted with you rather than make a clean end to preserve her options.   Meanwhile my guess is the bigger wallet turned out to be a giant dick (see what I did there?). Or maybe he dumped her for a younger, hotter, cheaper SB.  

 
Either way, you are not required to maintain the previous arrangement details, especially your BCD schedule.  My suggestion:  keep offering the same allowance per meet but let her know your schedule got more complicated and you will let her know when you are available.  Note: As an established SD, you are ALWAYS BUSY as far as your SB knows.  Fortunately, you like her so much that you free up time to see once in a while.   After you set these new ground rules, go forward as you see fit.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Y agree w both of you tozer and hcat

I am going to make her priority #2 now - y the sex is good, but let her make me ask for it every now and then

She has always been flaky. Several times, we set up a tentative date and she would always find some excuse to cancel when I texted her in the morning of our date to confirm. I wasn't happy because I saved that spot for her and didn't make any other plans.  

 
Last week, I finally set up a date with her for today. She confirmed in the morning so I booked a hotel (non-refundable) and sent her the address. She did mention last week she would meet someone in the evening for a drink (another date?). I didn't think too much about it at the time.

 
In the afternoon, I exchanged messages with another SB about meeting for M&G (nothing is set up yet), so I texted my regular SB about meeting 30 minutes earlier so I can have a drink with the other POT SB. I was just asking if we could meet 30 minutes earlier. If not, we would still meet at the scheduled time. She texted me back and said she could barely make it at our scheduled time because she is taking Metro. I said no problem, we will meet at our scheduled time or even later, and I even offered to pay for her Lyft.  

 
Next thing I know, she is canceling. She complained the hotel I booked is too far from her. WTF? I offered to pay for Lyft. The bottom line is I think she got a better deal from her date in the evening. It's possible that her date wanted to meet earlier so she took that better deal.

 
I finally blew up and told her to grow up. She is 26 now, not some teenager who just got out of high school in 2015. The sex was great with her, but I really don't need this kind of aggravation. How long can she keep doing this without any real job skill?

-- Modified on 6/30/2022 6:53:08 PM

It's an unfortunate reality that many of these girls will end things with you with zero notice.  they just disappear.  Depending on your own emotional involvement, getting ghosted can be no big deal, or a major heartbreak.  One young beauty I dated for several months a few years back impressed the hell outa me by letting me know in advance that our next scheduled date would be our last.  Her life was going in other directions was her only explanation.  Our last date was good clean fun as usual, and I wished her well, thanked her, and never saw her again.  I thought she handled it in a really classy way.

My longest arrangement was over 3 years with a girl I came to have some real feelings for.  But I knew from day one our arrangement had an expiration date due to her (ever changing) career plans. When one of those plans actually panned out and she left the area, we had a fine farewell fuck and there was zero regret or heartache involved.

Contrast these stories to the one where my exclusive covid era arrangement ended abruptly when she ghosted.  No warning, no nothing.  I was heavily invested, had put all my emotional eggs into that one basket during the pandemic.  I was crushed when she disappeared, my own damn fault of course, but it hurt.  So if it's your nature to develop feelings for your SBs, as it evidently is mine, be prepared for some pain if they disappear without a word.  It's just part of the price you pay for being in the sugar bowl.

She texted me later last night and apologized for canceling. She asked me if we could still meet. I figured she finished her date with the other guy and wanted to make more money so we agreed to meet this morning. I already paid for the hotel so why not? I went to the hotel and stayed overnight waiting for her.

She managed to show up. The sex was great just like it was before. The girl is a pro! Well, she is since she has great reviews here. Unfortunately, I think last night really wore her out so she said her body was too sore to continue after only an hour. She told me she would appreciate it if I could give her some partial funds, and I thought it was fair so I did that. She did try very hard to satisfy me. As for the future, who knows? We will play it by ear. She is just too flaky to make plans with her.

You have some patience I am glad it paid off  

But this flakiness is why I plan to sign up on SA again after Labor Day when colleges are back in session - need a new line up w multiple backups.  

Should be a lot easier now that I know the tricks of the trade plus the economy slowing down and crypto and tech blowing up has thinned out the SD pool a bit atleast around here

Yeah I probably don’t want to have an experience like the last one you mentioned - at my age , I cannot afford to have an emotional drama since I have a family life and do this on the side. I think having a rotation helps since you never get too attached to anyone of them

since we can’t control our emotions, I feel a rotation can act as an automatic circuit breaker

That's good general advice.  Something I wish I realized when I was younger.  Don't focus on just one chick.

I totally agree with you guys.  Having a rotation is a wonderful way to avoid too many emotional eggs in just one basket.  When the pandemic hit during 2020 I stopped socializing entirely, including sugar dating.  I did not like that at all!  So after a few months of celibacy I reached out to my gorgeous slim beauty, who was also quarantining as much as possible, and asked her if we could resume our arrangement, relatively safely, by promising to be exclusive with each other.  She agreed, and we did. It's the only time in my career as a SD that I've asked for an exclusive arrangement.  And I got heavily attached to her.  So when she ghosted I was toasted!  It's just one reason why exclusivity is not a good plan in the bowl!

At present I have 2 first tier SBs I've been seeing regularly for a year.  And 2 more 2nd tier who I see occasionally. And two I had excellent coffee dates with last week and am planning to go BCD with this week.  That's way too much sweet young pussy for a 75 yo guy like me, and that's just the way I like it!