I am new here, only recently feeling flush enough to consider "hobbying" (what a wacky euphemism), but from my one experience on a business trip years ago, I am pretty wary of the whole idea.

I've been really impressed reading this forum by the quality and insightfulness of your advice, but even more (after all, it's your job) of the other "hobbyists" who post here. I had always imagined "whoremongers" to be a bunch of crass macho lowlifes who hated women's humanity and were just hunting for meat. These dialogues have shattered that stereotype. Thank you.

Anyway, I have Asperger's Syndrome, which predisposes me to fixation, and which has kept me from being any good at the romance dance. This has left me mostly solitary.

When I was 5 years old, I spent a couple of days in the hospital after a fall, and was fascinated by the rectal thermometers used on me. In childish experimentation with the sensation, I cut myself and was taken to my pediatrician, who, while his finger was probing my rectum, warned me never to put anything "up there."

Precocious snot that I was, the irony of that situation was pretty clear to me, and I took the warning as more of a challenge, beginning a lifelong fascination with my "mangina."

So, there are some interestingly profound associations, perhaps too complex to really delve into here, and some pretty obvious physical ones like prostrate stimulus, and the whole process of habituation and desensitization that have all led to my having a fetish regarding anal stimulation. At this point in my life extreme anal stimulation, i.e double wide and elbow deep.

In my own shame I have a hard time imagining that any woman I could love or who would love me, would accept this part of me. I have hoped that I might find a professional who is used to such activities who might help me feel a little better about myself. I wonder if could satiate this fantasy I might then move on to discover all the other aspects of sexuality that, in the absence of any lovers, I have had no way of exploring.

Is this sort of therapeutic interaction really too much to expect from protitutes?

I won't presume to pre-empt LG here, or to opine on the issue, which I think you're also asking about, as to whether pursuing this fetish with a provider might be good or bad for your mental health or your Asberger's.  She's the pro, and I know nothing about that department, and defer to her.

However, operating on the premise that LG will say it's okay, or that if she says it's not okay to actually do, but you'll find out anyway, let me give you some advice based on 42 years of hobbying.  The answer to your question whether providers will satisfy you is definitely yes.  What is of paramount importance here, however, is physical safety -- your anus wasn't designed to accomodate intrusions as a matter of course, but it will, so long as the person administering the treatment knows what they are doing.  For that reason, you owe it to yourself to check out professional mistresses.  If they are truly professional and have experience, they will know about safety -- many if not most mistresses administer anal intercourse with strap-ons regularly.  I have also found that many mistresses have a more profound knowledge of sexuality and understanding and compassion for fetishes than average mainstream providers.  So long as you're not interested in conventional sexual intercourse, your session with a mistress can be what you want -- it doesn't have to involve the administration of pain or humiliation, tho you may want to consider a loving spanking as a prelude.  Professional mistresses are, IMHO, much more likely to immediately grasp and understand your fetish than many mainstream providers.  You can find mistresses on eros.com, under fetishes or bdsm. There are a few mistresses reviewed in TER(one terrific mistress is Mistress Lotus in Minnesota).  I'm sure there are directories and sites other than these -- google "mistress" or "Bdsm" and the name of your locale, and you'll probably get hits.

As for mainstream providers, there are many who will provide prostate massages at the least, tho you should ask because not all do.  For more than that, you need to look for a provider who has compassion and depth, who understands human sexuality and who's willing to do the physical act.  Troll the reviews for providers who appear to have some emotional empathy to them, who are enthusiastic about sex and willing to try many things, and who are emotionally mature.  A number of providers I've met on these boards would satisfy the bill.  

As for the question whether experience with a provider might assist in a transition to maintstream life -- LG is the expert here, but my experience tells me that if your experience with a provider or mistress does not become consuming -- and by now I suspect you're pretty good at controlling things -- you will learn from it.  I doubt that a provider would be the only channel toward growing into a healty non-provider relationship -- life ain't like that -- but could you learn some things?  Sure.  

You've got loads of good qualities -- you're intelligent, articulate and self-aware.  Frankly, you seem like the kind of guy that a lot of women would go for.  In this regard, consider providers for plain vanilla sex and the human interaction you'll have with them, and how you can grow in that direction.

Good luck!


-- Modified on 1/13/2008 8:28:35 PM

Dear loutsue,

The answer to your question is, it depends on the prostitute - or provider, as they are called on this site. Turkana's idea of visiting with mistresses is a good one, in that they specialize more or less in sex practices that go beyond the standard "vanilla."

Otherwise, it will depend on her comfort level. As long as you are up front with your desires, I'm sure this won't be a problem. After all, you're not asking to stick things up HER anus - it's yours that gets to be impaled [if I'm reading things right.]

Sorry if I'm crass here, but everything, including deep anal stimulation, is up for negotiation and can be had for a price in the world of commercial sex. However, it does seem to me that you do have some shame around the issue. The interesting thing is that a paid provider who agrees to anal work is probably very comfortable with it and will treat it like any request for services. Will YOU still enjoy it if you know that there is zero "naughtiness factor" for her? That it's not some dark, thrilling secret space, but just another fun thing to do while sexing around?

As long as you're up front with your desires, there should be no problem getting a provider to participate and even explore things with you further. Again, mistresses are good at these "educational explorations," since they generally are of the more mature and sophisticated variety. There can also be a lot of intellect and cerebral focus on a session with a mistress, which might be appealing to you. If you seek, you may find a mistress who is willing to go along with your "profound associations" in a deeper way and make the exploration of "other aspects of sexuality" even more interesting.

As to finding a woman who loves you and your interests exactly as they are - that's not an impossibility, as long as you do not expect to find such a woman among the paid ladies who have definite boundaries in terms of dating clients. On the other hand, there are entire segments of the population, both male and female, who are into fetishes. I'm sure you know that you can go on Internet dating sites to find them.

Good luck, it's totally doable,
the Love Goddess

It's pretty much all available.  Many sites mention fetishes, I've seen ones that mention strap-ons used on the guy, prostate massage, etc.

Seek and ye shall find!

"Will YOU still enjoy it if you know that there is zero "naughtiness factor" for her?"

In fact, I have not been able to enjoy it (or its approximations) when women (my ex, that provider) found it naughty and disgusting. It's that "fun thing" (which is the way I experience it autoerotically) that I hope by sharing without judgment, might be of help to me.

As to mistresses, the tone of degradation and humiliation that seems a central part of the dom affect, is very disturbing for me. How much of that is put on for the men looking to be dirty? How might I tell which ones will be able to be convincing as joyful playmates rather than stern mistresses, and where might I find them? That is in fact what brought me here.

And which internet dating sites are those?

Thanks so much for the encouragement,
Loutsue

Humiliation and degradation are not inherent in a connection with a mistress.  Be upfront.  Contact them via email and tell them exactly what you want.  If they aren't capable of providing it, they'll tell you; my guess is that many will gladly join you in a sensuous and fun session.  If they are only into degradation, they'll tell you.  In my experience, mistresses are, if anything, more flexible than providers in being attentive to clients' needs as long as what you're looking for doesn't involve your penetrating them.  

What part of the country are you located in? I might be able to give further guidance. Or contact me at [email protected]

Dear loutsue,
I must echo "Turkana's" response here. Mistresses have a variety of approaches. They don't just engage in "humiliation or degradation." Au contraire. There are mistresses catering to baby fetishes, mommy fetishes, all sorts. Degradation is definitely NOT part of that type of scenario. And of course, a lot of that "swagger" is acting, simply because that's what some men want. Being a mistress is an art, and involves being exquisitely attuned to the other party. If mistresses were truly sadistic at heart, they would never be successful. In my own travels, I have found them to be genuinely intelligent, polite, funny and with very good psychological insight. And above all, they are very understanding of various predilections.

Now clearly, YOU will always be the one who will enjoy the anal play more than the one ministering to you. After all, you're the one who is getting the greater benefit of it all. But this doesn't mean that the other person is bored or disgusted. Au contraire again; she could easily LOVE giving you a good time. There's always joy in giving, and mistresses are givers, please remember that. It's just that one man's gift is another man's refuse, LOL. While you like anal play, some other guy may like to wear a maid's outfit and being whipped. Who cares what OTHER people do? This is about YOU. And so I still stand behind my (and Turkana's) recommendation: find a mistress, tell her that you like to be LOVINGLY handled, and that's what you'll get. Promise.

As for dating sites, check the "alternative" on match.com or the like. Anyone else have a recommendation?

It's all play,
the Love Goddess

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I found a provider, or group of mistresses here who specialize in medical and enemas. Seemed like they might be experienced in my desire for deep fisting, and indeed they were.

They warned me that their mistress who specialized in fisting due to her small hands, was not available, but one of her friends would try, with no promises.

I went breathlessly, and had a session. Surprisingly, as she began, she put on an Enya CD, which happened to be some of the music that my ex wife and I used to play during sex, but not what I would think most men would want.

The one fairly disturbing time I was confronted with a couple of strippers (watching naked women dance on our dinner table, flashing their cunts and spreading thier cheeks at me next to my female and mostly disgusted coworkers was not easy for me) who showed up at a set on which I was working as a present for some actors who were wrapping their work that day, the music was all AC DC. But it was very nice have Enya remind of happier times, and it did help me relax.

After my session full of moaning and being fisted deeper and more skillfully than I had ever been before, the Mistress thanked me. She said she was rarely able to get into most guys beyond her knuckles and never before to her elbow as she had with me, and for her, she said, the new experience was thrilling. I mostly took her remark as an empty stroke, but her smile and the tender way she gave me a hug, made me wonder.

I could see if one worked in such a place, that you might feel proud and boastful about getting deeper than most of them had been. But I've always had this nagging feeling, even tho I know it can't always be true, that most women tend to approach sex as a price they pay to get something from a man, and so most of what is said and done is just to stroke a man's ego. Admittedly the perspective of fat geek.

Thanks again.