I have opposite problem that I hear most guys have - I can't seem to finish, even bare back.  Trust me, this has its advantages, but eventually I want to finish and I can't seem to unless I masturbate.  Funny thing is, I will be at the point of finishing for very long periods of time but for whatever reason, that final trigger just doesn't get pulled...  Does anyone have any advice on this one?

Dear drguapo,

We have had several threads on this. Please go back 700 days and search for the words "retarded ejaculation' and then see what comes up. In the meantime, here's an old thread you may find interesting.

In addition, there is an interesting thread on masturbation and how it can affect ejaculation in either direction. One of my remedies has been "no mas masturbación," which means laying off COMPLETELY for 45 days and ONLY ejaculating inside females. In your case, you may have to go without insertive sex AND masturbation for 45 days altogether, and then shoot off, bareback [controversial and highly unsafe w/ unfamiliar partner but fine with verifiably monogamous, steady partner].

http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?BoardID=20&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&Search=retarded%20ejaculation&SearchType=1&DayFrom=700&DayTo=0&MessageID=7618&frmSearch=1

RE is a poorly researched subject and not much has come out of it. My theory - and that of other urologists, as I have come to find out - is still that there has been a specific masturbation pattern established in youth and that this leads to RE.

Check out the threads please,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:50:28 AM

My first 8 months of hobbying were frustrating for delayed ejaculation.  I felt like I was working providers to exhaustion-  only ejaculated in insertion once with a very passionate physical provider, the others had to work very hard to get me off orally, and there were visits where it never happened.  Erection no problem, ejaculation a big problem!

Here is what happened over time:

1.  First I learned I could thoroughly enjoy the session just because of how awesome penetration feels, how awesome cuddling and kissing is, and how awesome giving pleasure is.  I found myself relaxing about not ejaculating and reassuring the provider that it was no big deal.

2.  I quit masturbating altogether.

3.  Occasional 'over the top' sessions where there was particularly great chemistry or particularly passionate sex, combined with a couple of providers throwing in a little surprise like reaching up and slapping my back side or heavy tongue and breathing in ear brought more orgasms in penetration.

4.  I began to learn what worked and what definitely didn't work for me.  

What worked was varied stimulation and teasing (most providers seem to just keep doing what they are doing with more vigor when in fact the same thing after awhile just de-sensitizes).  

What definitely doesn't work for me and even makes it worse is "have you cum yet", "cum for me baby", "oh baby, oh baby" etc.  When a provider starts that I just stop and say lets take a break and try something different later.

5.  As I gained confidence and relaxed totally and began to just really enjoy how it felt instead of working the orgasm, the problem seems to have melted away.  Out of the last ten or so sessions, I have had an orgasm in penetration all except one time, and that time was a session where it never happened.  But.... that session was absolutely awesome!  Very hot and passionate, the provider asked to bring a girlfriend next time so I could teach her what I did to get the provider off, and I left glowing despite no orgasm!

6.  Your mind can do some pretty wonderful things to help......  I can play a little visual in my mind of a hot young body bending over at the beach beckoning me to insert while I am in the act that enhances the chance of an orgasm nicely!

A second orgasm was never a consideration- I felt blessed to have even one.  Now two sessions recently it happened twice..... miracles happen!

-- Modified on 7/29/2008 9:22:49 PM

Thanks "ohmygodwhathaveidone" - some good advice and likely the best I will receive on the topic, from someone who completely empathizes.  You are right, enjoying the moment and not the endgame is what I should focus on.  I will try it and report back...

BTW - how the hell did you stop masturbating?  

drguapo

Hi!  I sometimes take a long time to cum (wife doesn't particularly enjoy my long erect time, but a lot of her problems appear to be due to lack of much natural lubricant...which is another thread and more easily addressed, at least in theory! ...and I have some ideas about this.

First, are you feeding yourself a lot of porn?  If you have a large exposure to it, I think that it raises your threshold for excitement, which directly translates into needing more stimulation all along the way, including cumming (this fits in with the advice to lay off jerking off for a while, etc.).

Second, are you concentrating too much on her when you need it to be you?  If you are a giving person in bed, you might not be taking time to enjoy what is happening to you at the proper time(s).

Third, there are a lot of "S"P's who are not particularly knowledgeable about the "services" which they are supposed to be "providing"...I have met some who really need to look at some high-volume (sales) pornos to get an idea of how to polish some basic moves...!  Teasing of _yourself_ and your partner can help make you hard and get you closer to the edge.  Lots of teasing can be great and can get you really rarin' to go.  This fits in with the idea expressed elsewhere about changing the type of stimulation to keep it fresh (which women should understand for themselves but may not translate to most men).  If you need to have things keep changing to help you grow the pre-cum tension, help your SP to know this via pre-visit contacts and specific directions/guidance in the session.  You are the client, help her to get you off.

(I have personally noticed all of the above feeding into my own times of this occurring, as far as I can determine.)

No offense intended to local urologists, but I am not sure about the theories of urologists regarding a lack of an established masturbation pattern leading to this, partly because it doesn't seem to account for the involvement of the mind, which might well be a big/the major part of this (adults have a bad habit of being able to be distracted about various cares at bad times, for instance).  More importantly, if there is no data, then this might better be called "speculation" rather than "theories", since the latter are meant to explain observed data...and info on a person or two doesn't give a lot of confidence in a general theory based upon such scant info.

Im young,early twenties, seems no matter how beautiful the provider or how skilled she is I cannot get off unless its my grip. RD + performance anxiety = what im guessing amounts to a tough customer. I'll try to go cold turkey on my masterbation habits and the porn but well...It's gonna be tough.