I have only been able to cum in a woman about 6 times in my life.  I can cum any time I want by hand.  I am giving up masturbation for a couple months to see if that will help.  Is there anything else I can do?  
By the way my SO is a prude whose idea of wild sex is kissing and then mish.  I know this doesn't help.  
Help LG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear southern_man,

I hear your pain. If it's any consolation to you, we've had several threads on RE - you can do a search on this very board, and go back to its inception in May 2006 (oy, has it really been that long?)

In any event, take heart: your RE seems to be psychological and habitual in the sense that you are able to ejaculate by your own hand. As for your "prudish SO - well, you don't say if you come inside her any easier, or if this is a global issue with all women.

In addition, you and your SO could probably do with some sex counseling, so that she could discover the joys of carnal knowledge beyond the missionary position. I just can't imagine what it would be like being with someone who is "not into it 100%," but this seems to be the case with many people...no wonder the commercial end of sex is thriving. But I suppose that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

Now back to your RE: No más masturbación, por favor. Just lay off for 45 days to begin with. You need to break your body's habitual response to sexual stimuli. No looking at porn, no smutty novels [if anyone reads them these days,] no sex talk. In fact, try to make yourself as monastic [or virginal, hehe] as possible. And then...after 45 days, get yourself into a very, very comfortable situation. If it's the SO, by all means. I'm assuming that's a condom-free event, so that will add to your comfort. If it's a provider, make sure that you don't feel any performance anxiety or nervousness. Some men feel so excited when they meet with a brand new woman that they just lock up. If you're one of those guys, I'd suggest getting with someone who knows a little about your situation and is willing to try various approaches. Getting some nice uncovered head until you're absolutely ready to explode, and then pop a raincoat on and blast off can be an option. So can receiving a handjob and then inserting your penis in some nifty position - either you on top, banging away, or you on the bottom, if topping gets you all exhausted.

In any case, staying away from self-pleasuring is a start. Yes, it's tough penis love, but imagine the conceivable rewards!

Keep it up and keep in touch,
the Love Goddess




-- Modified on 2/15/2008 6:29:15 PM

In 30 some dates, I've only come twice (with a HJ). Once I came close vaginally with a very tight Brazilian. Last summer I said I would take the 30-day challenge. Turns out I lasted 11 days until my next appointment, and nothing changed. If I had been 25, I'm sure I would have come faster than Forrest Gump. I went back to jacking off 5 times a week. With a provider, I've reached the point where I fake an O and tell the lady it was internal. Don't get me wrong: it is not like I don't enjoy my appointments. I just don't fuckin' come!

So you think if a guy absolutely swears off going solo, it will increase his chances of coming as nature intended? Wouldn't the plumbing get backed up, resulting in wet dreams? I think I'm game again to give it a try, but I think I'll be a nervous wreck.

Hmmm, amolatinas,
As you state: "if I had been 25, I'm sure I would have come faster than Forrest Gump." Well, I don't know how old you are, but maybe you'll need to multiply the 11 days by 4 to get what you want. Jacking off 5 days a week is not optimal for trying to ejaculate inside a female, unless you ARE 25.

It is sad that some men are born with an intense sex drive and nowhere to put it, so to speak. If you masturbate almost daily, you'd probably be a happy camper if you had some form of sexual activity daily - preferably with another person, for extra enjoyment. But, unless you're wealthy enough to pay for daily provider service, in a relationship with an equally horny partner, or move to a country where having multiple wives is legal, I guess you're in somewhat of a bind.

Would the plumbing get backed up? No, that's an old man's tale, LOL. And, if you have wet dreams that's OK. Will you be a nervous wreck? Yes, maybe for a while...and then you'll be hornier than a ten-peckered owl and get your Gumption back again, if all goes according to plans.

Try to keep them hands on the blanket,
the Love Goddess

your reply makes me think just how superior in many ways the female sex is to the male. Do women have to avoid petting the kitty and "hold out" for over a month just to get one magical orgasm? NO!! But I do. Darn! Thanks for your reply, and happy belated Valentine's Day.

-- Modified on 2/16/2008 12:39:06 PM

Here's a similar problem with perhaps an incurable twist.  I had prostate cancer nearly ten years ago, and the radiation saved my life but caused some irreversible nerve damage, according to my urologist.  I can get full erections but have almost no control, even with cialis or other pills.  My doc recommends strongly against injections, although I know other men have tired this successfully.  I haven't masturbated in a couple of years, although I can usually get full erections doing so, because I much prefer romps with providers, in which I usually end up being finished by HJ.  These sessions are great but leave something missing.  Also I can sometimes satisfy my partner but there's usually something missing for her too because I'm usually not at full mast (although sometimes close), and that's frustrating especially when all the rest makes us seem so compatible.  At this point, I'm resigned to the situation because I've had a great life with lots of satisfactions, but I still am aware of what I'm missing.  
Any thoughts, LG and others?  Acceptance?  self-hypnotism?  magic bullets?  I fear not, but life is still pretty good.

I can masturbate all I want and still have a great time with a lady as long as I abstain for a few days before. Hopefully if you follow LG's advice and "give it a rest" for a while at some point you will be able to enjoy both.

That's right, Barnaby08,

"LIFE IS STILL PRETTY GOOD." And a good thing it is that you feel that way, because you are accommodating the situation and accepting it. And at least you can get an erection. Just think of how many men are completely dysfunctional in that regard. And, YOU ARE ALIVE. Some die from metastasized cancer - that didn't happen to you.

PS. What about blow jobs? Do you like them? There are other things to do besides hand jobs....

Alive and well, that's what counts,
the Love Goddess

in the start of my hobbying.  I had (and still do sometimes) condomitis.  I can be really hard and say "OK let's fuck" she will get the condom and the sight of it makes me "droop."

A BIG help is the female condom.  You can go from a BBBJ, kissing, whatever - and move to "I'm in!"    It's an incredible feeling - damn near BB.   You provider has it in before you get there so your condom is never seen or used.

I pay a lady an extra $50 if she'll use one.

Try it, they're amazing.  At least to me.

Yes, channelguy,
it's a good one. Just make sure that the provider knows how to insert and withdraw one of them thingies properly, lest there should be a bun in someone's oven 9 months later...

Practice makes perfect,
the Love Goddess

followed by weekly time spent with a sexy lady worked like a charm.  Thanks LG again

There I was a couple nights ago, lying next to the sexiest body I have ever laid eyes on,  "hard enough to cut diamonds" as she said, and with 12 days of build up literally aching to get out, but just couldn't pop.  

Frustrating as hell! because 3 minutes with Rosy Palm and her five daughters is all I need.