Welcome to the Sugar Bowl.

 
The best way to get started is to read.  Spend 3 to 5 hours (seriously, 3-5 hours) reading past posts here. Use keyword searchers to find specific topics of discussion.  Take some notes, and then go back a re-read more posts.  Once you have put in some research time, come on back with unanswered questions.  You will find may posters who will be happy to help.

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I received some great advice during my few months in the ‘Bowl, so here’s my summarized learnings, hope it helps:

- Seeking (SA) is a better option than Secret Benefits (SB), IMHO.  SB nickels and dimes you using ‘credits’ for everything and seems to have fewer women on it, at least where I live. SA is a monthly or quarterly subscription for unlimited use.  SA is basically fully transparent with data in the site, so you can see (almost) everything about interactions with SBs.  The data SB shares is ok, but I think their user experience is not as good.  Maybe you don’t care about this stuff, but I do, guessing others do as well.
- I get a lot of overseas outreach on SA but you can filter it all out.  SB seems to be mostly local SBs.
- Best to play the numbers game, contact more women than you could possibly see and expect to only get responses from a percentage (guessing my response rate is ~40% on SA).  For SB, you’re paying per contact for every single SB.  Maybe the response rate is higher on SB but you’re still paying to contact every SB who doesn’t respond, plus you have to use credits to see their ‘Secret Access’ pics.  All that is complimentary on SA.
- Tread carefully for newly created profiles, many (most?) seem to be scams/catfish.  I will Favorite new profiles but won’t contact them until they’ve been active for at least a few days.  Likewise, do a bit of digging if a SB contacts you.
- I always do a Meet & Greet (M&G) meet for a cup of coffee (or at least at a coffee shop…) before agreeing to go Behind Closed Doors (BCD).  I met a few women before putting this tenet into effect and had some really bad results (missing teeth (in one case lots of missing teeth), seriously outdated pics, poor hygiene and/or really odd behavior).  I will buy coffee or lunch but don’t bring anything else on the first M&G.
- Treat each meeting as a date (e.g., freshly showered/groomed, be very attentive). I bring a bottle of bubbly and OJ to break the ice the first time BCD, and always have drinks available when I host to help break the ice.
- I do the first BCD meeting at a hotel, and will host at my place if we get beyond the first meeting.  If the first meeting doesn’t go well, no harm, no foul and you maintain more personal privacy.
- Discuss expectations for protection ahead of time if possible.  Unlike in the hobby, ‘raincoats’ seem to be reserved for only a rainy day…. Find a good testing clinic in your area with fast results (i.e., not the free clinic) if you want to go sans condom and pay for the SB to get tested too, if that’s your deal.  If you’re firing live rounds, assume the SB is not on birth control.  You never know who’s desperate enough to pull the goalie.  Also, thank science for vasectomies!
- I’d recommend to start with Pay Per Meeting (PPM) for all new arrangements.  Allowance creates an asymmetry where the guy’s motivation is to see the woman as often as possible (I’ve had SB’s tell me they feel like an allowance can feel like indentured servitude, and they have to agree to every beck and call of the SD).  PPM aligns incentives and everyone feels whole, again, in my experience.
- After a while you’ll get a feeling for what’s a fair PPM for your locale.  I live in a metro area with a ton of college students who are thrilled with beer money (~3 roses).  More discerning women may get more (I had one ask for a grand on top of dinner and a hotel) or be fine with the same.  
- Not everyone has the same motivations for being in the Bowl.  Try to (reasonably) figure out why the SB is in the Bowl.  I pay close attention to the tags each SB chooses for their profile and use filters very specifically aligned with what I’m looking for.  Tread carefully for SB’s looking for things you have no interest in (‘Luxury Lifestyle’ as an example for me).  
- If the SB quotes you a PPM per hour, they are an escort.  And I see plenty of familiar escort faces on SA and SB.  All the SB’s I’ve seen, a PPM covers a much longer visit, the primary advantage of the Bowl vs the Hobby in my mind).   With my #1 SB (she’s an easy 9/9 in TER parlance), we meet for up to 6 hours and always do something out of the bedroom together. For a pro, 6 hours is probably a couple grand (or more); for her, it’s the same amount no matter how long we’re together.
- It depends on how much you value discretion, but have a couple pics on the site to share.  I use a non-face pic for my profile and have a couple face pics I (very selectively) grant access to.  I got ‘verified’ on SA (basically you do a pose for a non-public pic, which they compare to your profile pic, and voila, you’re verified).  For SB, your verification video is publicly visible, and that ain’t my bag baby.  
- In general, I’d imagine you need to tread very carefully in the Bowl if you’re married.  The Hobby is much more private and discrete, especially if you have references/don’t need to provide personal info.
- I switch from messaging on the sites to texting (via a burner account) before discussing more sensitive details, never know who you’re chatting with, either in or out of the site, don’t forget that
- And lastly, to quote the great Ted Lasso, “Be curious, not judgmental.”  Being kind and polite is free and you never know what someone else is going through in their life.

Good luck!