I have been a fan of this one TS escort for some time now and recently had a chance to meet her when she toured my town.  She has had nothing but exceptional reviews.  We had actually exchanged e-mail weeks before meeting.  I had actually decided before I met her that I only wanted to get to know her.  Nothing sexual, and I told her when we met. It seemed to come as a shock.  Well we talked beyond my hour and I eventually begged to see her naked.  I can tell you that I felt my heart pounding as this girl was beyond belief and was more of a GF than my ex-wife ever was.  Sadly I had to go back to work but I called her again later that evening.  To my surprise she agreed to drive the 20 miles to come have dinner with me at my home.  Watching her play with my 5 year old girl made me wish she was mine.  I eventually volunteered that I would figure out a way for her to have SRS if she wanted to or she could wear a chastity belt while around me as I am more interested in her.  She wanted to know if I would keep her company in New York in the next couple of weeks because she was going to see a cosmetic surgeon to improve I don't know what.  Later reading this forum makes me question whether I am one of the 30 biggest dumb asses in the world?  I posted based on a reply on a discussion board.  I read a blog that shed some light on the this.    

Dear Joey2199,

No you are NOT a dumb ass...just a guy who's fallen for someone working in a field where sex is for sale. The fact that she is a TG lady has little bearing on the matter, with the exception of maybe one or two issues - and they are more of a concern to HER, than perhaps to you:

Oftentimes, transgender women can be truly starved for men who treat them with the same respect as they would a female-born female. One recent study has shown that men who purchase the sexual services of transgender women do so for the "fetishistic" aspects of the encounter and not so much for the longer dates that include wining, dining and treating the lady like a true girlfriend. When questioned in detail, some men exhibited a complete lack of respect and completely objectified the provider in question; in many cases, the sex buyer was intoxicated or had ingested mood-altering drugs in order to heighten or intensify the sexual experience.

Maybe you can imagine what it's like being a TG woman who works as a provider with a sizeable base of such clients? In any case, when a decent man comes along who respects and treats her like a real LADY, boundaries can easily get permeated or torn down and dating off the clock can ensue. This has happened to many of my TG therapy clients and we do process this at length. In addition, getting validated AS A FEMALE is extremely important for a TG woman "in transition," i.e. going through the process of becoming a woman in her true and desired gender. I have witnessed many of my clients in total tears and agony because of so many other factors that make their guy unsuitable as a boyfriend - and yet, these women stick with these cads, only because they get that elusive validation as a "real woman," even if it means abuse of all sorts.

So in this case, I am almost more concerned with the provider and that her feelings not get hurt, particularly if you decide to drop this infatuation of yours after a while. The emotional stakes for a TG woman are so much higher, in that much of her feelings of self-worth can become entangled in a romantic relationship.

My question to you is this one: are you ready, willing and able to assume the emotional investment that it will require to date this woman longer-term? As you see, she already wants your company when it comes to visiting the cosmetic surgeon. This is less for sex and truly more for emotional support. If you can handle becoming someone's "everything" - and I really mean that in the word's truest sense, with all the emotional, physical and perhaps even financial support that it entails - then you may stand a chance at having a relationship with this lady. In addition, the majority of TG women have had a very rocky childhood and a traumatic adolescence due to their gender variance. Many of these ladies are emotionally scarred and very VULNERABLE. It takes someone strong, patient and above all, TRUSTWORTHY to go through a complete transition with someone. Having GCS (gender-confirming surgery) is not a walk in the park, and you will need to be absolutely certain that even if the surgery result is less than optimal, you'll be able to withstand the emotional toll it may take. In addition, remember that after someone has been in sex work for many years as a preop TG female, finding new work after the genital surgery can prove to be exceptionally daunting - just as daunting or maybe even MORE than for a female-born female who decides to stop escorting. Many TG women who are commercial sex workers have been so unhappy in their lives that their educational efforts have completely tanked and providing has been their trade for their main adult life. I am not saying ALL TG ladies are sex workers - heck, I've had CEO's, bankers, lawyers, etc. who have transitioned - but you would definitely NOT find them in the sex trade. Are you willing to step in and carry the financial burden of one other person, besides child and possibly spousal support?

If I sound cautious on this one, it is because I have had almost 13 years experience in counseling transgendered individuals. I am extremely empathic with their situation and you could say that I take special pains to look out for them. Please think this through beyond just her looks, which occupy a large focal point of your posting. She is more vulnerable than you will ever know, even though she probably puts up a cool front.

Think it through, please,
the Love Goddess

"Watching her play with my 5 year old girl made me wish she was mine."

Is it more than little unhealthy to have children interacting with sex workers? I know it wasn't a straight session being described but still....

and I would urge you to think your statement through a little further. I don't think the gentleman in question is stating that the provider was playing sexually with his daughter, in which case I don't see any aspect of "unhealth" in their interaction. I hardly think this lady was in a state of undress or otherwise giving any indications as to her profession. If that were the case, I don't believe the poster would describe this interaction so clearly on this board.

As to the fact that she is a sex worker - I would very much like to point out that sex workers are Moms, Grandmoms, daughters, Aunties, etc. and for those who do have families interact with children on a daily level. There has not been ONE SINGLE STUDY that points to sex workers engaging in any form of child sexual abuse to any greater extent than individuals of other professions. Sex workers are not characterologically at risk for abusing or harming children. If you are coming from some type of "moralistic" position, again, I would urge you to rethink your statement. If you are worried that this gentleman is exposing his daughter to a parade of all different "lady friends," then that is what needs to be pointed out, not the fact that this woman happened to be a sex worker.

We are all on this site because we fundamentally agree that sex workers are people worthy of respect just like women in any other profession. Granted, there may be a different opinion of the majority out there, but that's why The Erotic Review has taken a step further and included discussion boards on its site - boards where we consider the opinions and feelings of providers to be on equal par with hobbyists. What if I turned it around and said that it was "unhealthy to have your friend's son play with you - a hobbyist?" Wouldn't that sound offensive on some level?

Sex negativity, sexual panic and paranoia are alive and well in this nation. Double standards are still operating with full force. The least we can do, if we go near this site or its services at all, is to respect those women who for whatever reason have chosen to offer their time and companionship to viewers like you. And that includes having them as neighbors, playing with our kids, and yes, inviting them to our Thanksgiving dinner, if so be.

Please rethink,
the Love Goddess

While I did NOT mean to imply there was a molestation issue at play, given that this worker was "on the clock", I'm going to have to sound like a Republican (unfortunately)and stand by my initial position. I don't feel any part of this situation is a healthy environment for children.  

(If someone didn't want a hobbyist like myself around their kids, I would understand it.)

I know that we each are entitled to our own opinion, but sometimes people shoot themselves in the foot, by taking a hypocritical postion.

Bob, my curiosity is peaked here…. "(If someone didn't want a hobbyist like myself around their kids, I would understand it.)"

What IS a hobbyist like yourself?

This certainly seems to imply you believe there is something morally bereft in being a hobbyist (not to mention being a sex worker), and that actual harm could come to a child simply by being around you.

What is it you think you, or a provider might do to harm a child simply by being in their presence (I am assuming here, of course, the obvious criteria of behaving appropriately)?

And why would it make any difference whether she was on, or off the clock? They weren’t having sex.

The same thought process is applied *by some people* in the context of homosexuals. And, yet in the past, when I have asked  individual people WHY they believe this, I tend to get some perplexing answer that pulls in the bible…or pedophiles yadda, yadda.  Sometimes the best I can gather is:  they believe what they believe, because that’s what they believe, and they don’t get why I don’t get that it’s wrong…….conversation over.

I know it’s getting OT from the original post---I apologize Joey  ( I empathize with your predicament and I think LG is spot on).

And, bob I’m not trying to give you a hard time. This is a serious question.  I do not get it.

I don't believe having a child around a session with a prostitute is a good thing for the child. This seems so self-evident, I'm sort of at a loss why anyone would think otherwise. Kids know more than we like to think.

Yes, I think having a child around a prostitute who is working is in an of itself harmful. I'm honestly baffled that this is considered an odd viewpoint. We could go into why or why not that is so, but that's getting beyond the scope of TER.

If somebody thought that a man who is a john ("hobbyist" is a euphemism I despise) is not someone with whom their children should interact, I would not argue the point. To me, it's more complicated than simply good vs. evil, but perhaps the other side is right, I don't know, that's not up to me. If somebody said to me (or any of us) "You will be a bad influence on my child", who am I to tell them otherwise? Perhaps it is so. Certainly the weight of society's opinion is against us. I am willing to entertain the idea, after all, that's what an open mind does, no?

Thinking that mixing children with sex-for-money sessions (in any way) is hypocritical?? Am I crazy?? Call Child Services in your state and ask about it and see what happens.

“Yes, I think having a child around a prostitute who is working is in and of itself harmful.”

The operative word here is “working” and what is meant by that. If by ‘working’ we’re talking about having sex, or behaving in some other salacious way around the child YES, this is highly inappropriate. I’ll call social services myself. But, having dinner seems benign.

As the situation was presented—2 people having dinner—no sex. Sounds like the escort in question behaved appropriately, and Joey was very comfortable with the manner in which this lady was interacting with his child. You even acknowledged yourself that “I know it wasn't a straight session being described but still....”

Where is the harm? By your logic, no provider should ever be allowed to have their own children, or be around anyone else’s children because,  (your words) "it’s more than a little unhealthy to have children interacting with sex workers." This is absurd.

Now,  I get your position concerning parents who might believe you should not interact with their children  ‘solely’ because you see providers (or are, as you say “a john”). Being respectful of others is expected. And no one has a right to tell other people how to raise their kids.

But simply because someone ‘believes’ this is true, does not make it true. As far as I’m concerned, when someone makes the claim that any ilk of person is causing harm to children simply by being around them, and behaving no differently than any other  person would, under the same circumstances, I expect that claim to come with some facts to back it up because I'm afraid it is NOT "self evident".

Bob, first off, I guess that I interpeted the post wrong? as in the child was present during the session?
If this was the case, then ya, I agree with you.
But if the child was just in the presence of a sex worker, off clock or whatever, then that is where I was thinking that you were projectiing a negative attitude.

The OP said nothing about the dinner being a "session".

"To my surprise she agreed to drive the 20 miles to come have dinner with me at my home.  Watching her play with my 5 year old girl made me wish she was mine."

Unless just having dinner is what you would consider a session, which I would think most people wouldn't. You inferred it when you read the post.

Your line "Yes, I think having a child around a prostitute who is working is in an of itself harmful." is moot. The lady was not there "working", she was there having dinner with a gentleman.

b-

While reading Joey's post I did gasp when I read:

"Watching her play with my 5 year old girl made me wish she was mine."

But the only thing I was thinking of was that he had just met this woman that day.  He didn't really know everything about her.  It is just very easy to tell how smitten the OP is.. right now... by his new TS provider.

As a mom, I definitely would never let a hobbyist (thank-you Bob Crane) any where near my children.  Not because I think all hobbyists are dangerous sex fiends, but because I would not mix my two worlds.  This man obviously has no boundaries up when it comes to this situation and it shows.  

I would, as others have mentioned, send words of caution to the provider because the client is moving very fast....
But.. hey... one never knows how things can work out.  It's just been my experience that things the start quickly tend to end quickly and probably not a good sign that the child is already (sort of) involved.  I would have kept a safe distance and asked the provider over for dinner on a night that my daughter wasn't there wanting my attention as well.

I can see where Bob is coming from.

I thought Bob's namesake was beaten to death in the late 70s by his boyfriend. Odd mentor to have. But to clarify further:

1.  I don't owe spousal support.
2.  Child Support is owed to me.
3.  I don't share custody.
4.  Dinner was off the clock.
5.  They were playing in my child's toy area, which is bigger than most people's house.

Get the picture?

I swear some of the members here live in the hobbyist/provider world so long that their view of the world becomes so skewed.  Um, Bob has a point.  A father brings a TS prostitute around his kid and you don't see a problem with that?  What the hell kind of parent is that?....and that is quite some judgment on his part that he is "falling" for the provider when he sees this interaction with his kid.  What happens between consenting adults is fine, but don't start introducing strangers to your kid...that's just ridiculously bad judgment....and yes, her/his profession does make a difference.  You do realize what the profession entails right?  Why bring that around your kid?  Step outside of this warped world and see it from a normal perspective.