How would you respond to this:
POT says whats your ppm for the arrangement? I say: i would really like to set up a brief meeting to see how well we get along and duscuss the details of an ideal relationshiip for both of us. Pot says: meeting sounds good but i would like to know the arrangenent part before we meet. I prefer not to waste any ones timdle llme if we dont match. Thats why i asked whats your usual allowance part?What should i respond??? I dont hsve a usual nor do i know the going rate? This is in FL.
... specifically, are you still messaging her through SA, or have you moved offsite to text/whatsapp, etc.
If you are still on Seeking, do not provide any number or ranges of amounts. I suggest you get her off (pun intended)
site in your reply. Something like: "Happy to compare notes on this, but let's do that by text please so we can talk in detail. Here's my (app name like text, whatsapp, etc.) and my number/id/handle is xxxxxxxx."
If you are already offsite, then you may have to start the early negotiations before you meet face to face if she insists. Not ideal, but workable.
The key here (at least for me) is to only use terms and phrases about YOUR budget. Never make this about HER worth. She's "worth" a million an hour to watch her fart - just ask her! :p So offsite you can reply with something like:
"My typical budget for a great date is usually between xxx and yyy and when we meet I'd be looking for us to do something fun like go wine tasting, or to a movie, shopping, or to a nice dinner, followed by more intimate experiences at my place."
The "x" value is not relevant, she probably won't even see it. LOL But for the "y" values, you will want to:
1. Make your best guess at what amount (y) will keep her interested
2. Be sure you can actually afford amount (y) and are comfortable actually paying that PLUS the incidental costs (dinner, transportation, tickets, maybe a hotel room, etc.) for each date. Nothing will kill a boner like worrying you may need to miss a car (or mortgage!) payment if you pay that much for a few hours of carnal fun.
3. Make sure you attach some type of recurring frequency to your expected date schedule - weekly, 2x a month, monthly, whenever you are "in town," etc.
4. MOST IMPORTANT: Be prepared to walk if she pushes back on (or scoffs at, or laughs at, or vomits on) your offer. I rarely see an SD who committed to an allowance 25% higher than his comfort level ending up with a long-term SB.
An alternate approach is to talk about your "last" arrangement:
"Well with my last arrangement, which lasted just over a year when she moved to go to school on the east coast, we liked to meet 2-3 times a month for dinner and fun. I would normally budget her allowance between xxx and yyy each time we met to help her cover bills and pay for things she needed to make her life more comfortable. How does that sound to you?"
How much should you offer? For my market in the San Fernando Valley north of Los Angeles, my budget is between $250 and $400. Most of my SB's land around $300-$350. Each market is different, but with enough practice and experience (positive and negative), you will find the sweet spot for your area. Please do not reward the wanna-be IG models with high-end ($500-$1500) allowances. I can almost guarantee you that there are some POT SB's in your area that will date you for less than $500 - IF - you are willing to entertain a fairly broad criteria for who you want to date and you are willing to wade through several dozen (hundred?) more profiles. (i.e.: IMO a 6-8 can fuck just as well as, if not better than, a 9 or 10). But that's ultimately up to you to decide if she is in fact, "worth it."
Again, use terms like YOUR BUDGET and not her worth or value, or what she deserves. You will never negotiate her worth down. Never. But your budget is you budget. She cannot control that - except by walking away. If she is ready to do that when yyy is not enough, she'll be doing you a favor by killing the deal before you waste cash on an SB who will never be satisfied with her allowance.
Please let us know how this works out!
Life is good
The Cat
Hi Herb
On average, is that 'allowance' amount a monthly amount, or is it per meeting? If it's say $500 a month, and the arrangement is twice a month meeting, then it's paid $250 each meeting in cash at end of each meeting, correct?
Adonis48
We generally only talk about allowance as "PPM" or Pay Per Meet. So if you are meeting twice a month for $500, that's $1k per month.
The general consensus is that monthly allowance never works well for the SD's. It's just way too easy for an SB to take advantage of that setup. First, she'll miss a date because - life! She promises to make it up to you, but that won't happen. Next, you will most likely need to pay at the beginning of the month, so you have a bigger risk if she decides to flake or bail. Or what if you agree to weekly meets and you need to go out of town for 3 weeks. Does she still get the full month's allowance for 25% of the meeting time? And even more, the incentive to perform BCD or elsewhere dwindles as she knows she's got a paycheck before she even drops her panties once.
Many of us have tried monthly. Some of us thought we had the wisdom to not offer monthly until several months into the arrangement. After all, how much easier is it to set up a monthly Zelle to her bank and not worry about it? Well, that "wisdom" ending up teaching us an expensive lesson.
The last time I did this, I set up monthly payments to her leasing company to pay her rent. Then our meet frequency became erratic. Her availability for even non-BCD time diminished. Eventually she actually scheduled a two-week trip to Vegas, and asked me to cover air fare, car rental and hotel so she could attend a career-centric program. It took me 10 days to find out she was only in Vegas to shack up with a 30-ish douchebag who was working as a DJ at a Las Vegas Strip pool. (...because she was careless and let him tag her in his Instagram posts.)
Having said all that, there are exceptions, and ultimately, it's your decision and your risk.
Probably more than the scope of your question. LOL! But worth the discussion once in a while, because...
Life is good
The Cat
Concur that paying by the month is effectively paying in advance. Which is a very poor idea involving cash strapped chicks. That money will run thru their fingers like water. So between the first visit and the next, she'll be broke and needing more cash, beyond the original agreement. It's a demotivator to have already been paid and now having to earn it. The money always has to be a reward, not a lingering obligation. Basic psychology.
Thanks Herb. Excellent advice. Thank you. I already moved her off SA (at least i got that one down!).. lets see how it goes. Will keep you updated.
I always tell the lady that due to wide disparity, I like the lady to tell me. If we're close I will accept or counter. If she has GPS, I respond with too much for me. Take care. Be safe