This happened to me in early 2018. I thought with the recent discussions from new SD's on the board (welcome!), I might give a little proactive advice if you're new Rotation get's a little overcrowded. Yeah, I know what you are thinking; You can NEVER have too many SB's! Well that may be true IF every SB fits your ideal for a perfect Baby. But you may find that as you meet a new SB who is hotter, more compatible, and has more reasonable allowance needs, you will want to trade out some of your B- and C-list players. (Insert your favorite sports team player trade stories here.)
So, how do you tell an SB that you're done? How do you explain that she's just not meeting your needs for whatever reason? How do you prevent her from trying to renegotiate, promising to "be better," or trying to extort you (I'll tell your wife) or worse - showing up/calling/texting begging you to take her back?
In early 2018 I was laid off from my high-paying job of 11 years. This was essentially my 3rd career position and I had long ago made my retirement nut and didn't really need to keep working. But still, getting that letter (and fortunately, a decent package) sucks. But I realized that "retirement" would give me more time to sugar, and travel, and even better - sugar travel!
So I texted my #3 in my A-list rotation and told her I had just been laid off my job. As I was typing my next message "so looks like I'll have more time for you - how about a week in Cabo?", she replied to my 1st message with: "Sorry to hear that, babe. guess I'll have to move on. good luck bye". Of course, when I talked to my other SB's, I led off with the positive stuff.
At first I was stunned and a bit insulted. Where is the emotional support? The compassion? The encouragement? WTF?? Then I realized the gift she had just given me. After all, she was only my #3 and #'s 1 & 2 would benefit that much more from her absence. So I erased the note about travel and never looked back. What I had forgotten was that SB's are SB's for the cash first. Always. Every time. If you doubt me, try telling any of your SB's that you want to keep seeing her but you don't want to pay allowance any more. You KNOW that 99.9% of them will drop you immediately.
So the lesson here: If you make it about HER when ending an arrangement - you get the drama. If you make it about your (presumed) inability to pay, she will be out the door before you can say goodbye. No drama, no farewells, no problems.
I'd like to hear any of your stories of how your arrangements ended... good, bad, or in between.
Life is good
The Cat
That if you pay them in advance and then never call them, they will also never call you ... because they think they're getting away with the money for nothing! Which is true, but it was essentially a way to pay them to go away without saying so. In fact they think they put one over on you.
I get it. Probably worth the 3-4 Benjies to wrap it up it. Nice.
Life is good
The Cat
I did that to a lady. Smokin hot body but she was definitely bi polar. One too many rage tweets from her so I sent her 300. No message. Just ghosted her.
I think you commented on a post before where I was trying Venmo. There was a glitch at her bank level but we didn’t know it… at the time I was trying to show her the payment went out on my bank side. I wasn’t thinking and she saw the amount of my discretionary bank account (which happened to be overinflated that day)…. The point is it showed I “had enough to feed the needy.” (Biggie Smalls) After that, she was all over me to meet twice a weekend vs our usual once and extra lovey dovey…. Then the split was prolonged… btw I tried the half advance ghosting thing and she came back… it dragged on a few more sessions (bcd was still hot) because she “wasn’t giving up on me”… I’ve always thought it was because of that mistake with the bank account.
So I buy your thesis, HC! The problem is just male ego. I will try conveying it’s true in spirit because I’d feel I no longer have the money … at least not to waste on her lol.
I just tell them I met someone else. I wish them well and thank them for the great memories. I’ve never had a problem using that approach.
And I told her that the long distance traveling had just become too much. And that was true, since I had to drive 90 miles each way to visit her. But the real reason was I had grown bored with her, plus he had gained some weight and I just wasn't feeling it any more. She accepted my excuse graciously and that was that. In all the other cases, either they ended things (kindly done or by ghosting) or things just fizzled out organically without any overt action taken on either side.
I think this is the preferred route.
Unless you've been in a rather long-term arrangement where a more detailed explanation is the expected norm, just minimizing contact (and throwing in a few "I'm just so busy") will have the intended result. Typically at that point anyway, things might be 'fizzling out' or at the least, there won't be the obvious excitement there was previously and most likely the girl will get the message.
… if you’re burning a bridge. HC, I know you advocate never burning a bridge but sometimes it desirable….ie BSC. I usually find some fault I was ignoring and blow it out of proportion lol. Or ghosting is a lost art, right? As long as you can ignore messages there isn’t really drama… it’s like the old days of ignoring increasingly urgent answering machine messages lol. Half of the time it burns bridges the other half of the time the SB comes back into my life, because of us was curious about the other.
Otherwise I believe the “I am broke “ and “I met someone else” both work pretty well for no drama.
I do advocate leaving bridges fire-free. And I still suggest that outright lies will ultimately backfire as well. I wasn't lying to the SB in my story. If she had waited 2 more minutes for my next text she would have realized the she was going to benefit from my unemployment. LOL. The point is that if you want to change some aspect of an arrangement, including ending it, present it as YOUR problem, not hers. As you saw with your 18 yr old, trying change her (don't flake, don't drunk text me at 2 am, etc.) will result in defensiveness and poor results. But telling her your situation has changed (lost job, increased travel, work schedule change, etc.) is something she generally can't refute or see as a criticism of her.
So, just like when negotiating allowance in a new arrangement, you make your offers, requests and conditions based on YOUR situation, not hers. That avoids the "I am worth more than that" argument. She must either accept your offer or walk away. And sometimes you want her to walk away. BUT, who knows when sometime down the road your paths may cross and she will be up for a brief (or extended) reunion? I have plenty of ex SB's that I would gladly shag once or twice more if the opportunity presented itself.
Finally, I'm not a fan of the "I met someone else path." It can backfire on you if she thought you were not seeing anyone else (something I find useful if you want to keep BB BCD the norm), or she may take it as you implying she was not "good enough" for you. Either of these can lead to drama and hurt feelings.
I know there are SB forums where SB's talk about their arrangements and name SD's that pissed them off. I've found a few of these forums and have searched them for my profile name and other personal info. Fortunately, I have not found any SB feedback about me.
Life is good
The Cat
Ok, you caught me. I have been channeling all of my Sugar advice from the greatest SD ever - George Costanza! :p
Life is good
The Cat
