I still need to figure out how to keep anonymity...but assuming I will be able to figure that out.
I've been checking out Secret Benefits for almost a year. Some questions for you veterans: 1) What percentage of the girls who have videos (saying "let me be your secret") are actually legit?2) What percentage of the overall listings are actually legit?
3) Do these girls generally understand that sex is expected, or do some of them actually think this could be a platonic/mentorship situation? Thanks for the feedback!
.. to really get comprehensive answers to your questions. I suggest you pour a glass of your favorite draught and spend 2-3 hours reading. You can search by keywords like "allowance" "negotiate" "M&G" and "scam" or "scammers".
But here's a quick recap to get you started:
1) What percentage of the girls who have videos (saying "let me be your secret") are actually legit?
- depends on what "legit" means. The video means that the potential (POT) SB who created the profile is probably the woman in the video. But it doesn't tell you if she ever intends to meet and fuck, or just wants to scam you out of cash.
2) What percentage of the overall listings are actually legit?
- My experience on SB is light. Primarily because I never successfully met a POT from the site, even after I blew through $250 in fees for messages. Others here have done better than me, but even they will tell you there are more profiles with a better "legit" rate on Seeking.
3) Do these girls generally understand that sex is expected, or do some of them actually think this could be a platonic/mentorship situation?
- Again, the general concept of Sugaring includes sex, but not all SB's will be willing to fuck, or will try to delay as long as possible. Caution: Never ask or talk about sex in your messages on SB or SA. Both sites are desperate to avoid looking like platforms for prostitution, so they will ban you if you even hint about P4P.
4) (I added this question for you) Is SB the "best" site?
- Arguably, no. Seeking.com (SA) is almost universally considered superior.
Now off you go to hop into your research... once you've caught up, let us know if you have additional questions.
Life is good
The Cat
Seeking is probably a more target rich environment than Secret Bennies. However I have successfully met a few off SB (by met, I mean had sex with.) Just like anything, each girl has different expectations. Some are selling pictures, some just want you to send money for nothing. Some do want platonic -- dinners, concerts, etc. I cut though that with my opening gambit where I say I am mostly about the sex. That really reduces my closing rate, but I really don't want to spend a lot of time on a dead end. The other charmers in this forum are willing to put in the time and no doubt have a better batting average. But my limit is always financial and not opportunity so it doesn't matter to me that some fish get away.
I've been in the hobby for many years but am completely in the dark about the Sugar Bowl.
But I have started to lurk and recently opened a free SA account just to what's out there. My impression was that it looks almost like a dating site with a lot of different kinds of ladies out there: some seeking marriage, some seeking real long-term relationships, so hard to sort through.
I have in my research begun to get familiar with the terms like PPM, BCD and M&G. I have some of my own questions although my sense is there are no clear-cut rules like in hobby/escort scene:
- Do most of the women expect compensation for the initial M&G to check things out?
- Is there a typical scenario for a PPM arrangement like dinner-drinks-BCD and goodbye?
- If you're on a PPM deal, how would handle an overnight trip to the beach or something like that?
My impression was that it looks almost like a dating site with a lot of different kinds of ladies out there
I strongly suggest you keep that top of mind as you look at and talk to POT SB's. Note that there are some actual hookers on the site - and you still need to treat them like dates. There are lots of posts here about this; please invest an hour or two reading them... As to your questions:
- Do most expect compensation for a M&G? Many will ask, some will not, and a few will demand. But the practice we recommend is to frame the M&G more like an interview than a formal date. It's a chance to see if you like each other without any additional expectations. In some circumstances you may offer to cover small "out of pocket" expenses like gas, Uber, or parking. But keep the amounts low, maybe $40-50 or less and tell her you're looking forward to making an agreement for ongoing dates at the M&G. Some SD's here look for a same night close to BCD with the agreed upon allowance. Some, don't. That's up to you and what your Spidey senses tell you will work for her. For those who demand high allowance/presents/pay for her time, etc., POLITELY decline and move on.
- Is there a typical scenario? There are a few, depending on comfort levels, "date" expectations, and trust. For me, I prefer the "traditional" date format you describe (drinks, dinner. chat/bonding, BCD). For others, and especially for SB's who are more focused on cash then bonding with a wrinkled guy who smells like moth balls, a direct-to-BCD format my be preferred. That is a primary topic for discussion during the M&G.
- If doing PPM, how is allowance affected by an overnight (or longer) trip? No hard and fast rules here, as again, it depends on your and her motivation. Are you taking her to some cool place she could never afford to go on her own? Do you just want to get a wake up BJ (I mean who doesn't?) after fucking your brains out the night before. You're going to want to understand a lot about her and why she's sugaring, as well what you are looking for. I'll add that overnights at your place are one thing, and any SB's who is really into you may just ask to stay the night on her own without asking for more allowance. But taking her on travel overnight or longer should wait until you both develop trust and know each other well enough to ensure your sanity can survive her presence 24 hours a day for x days. If you reach a point where you want to take her on travel, it's generally a good idea NOT to take your PPM rate and multiply it by the number of additional hours (as a hooker would). Instead, offer some type of benefit along with some additional allowance - especially if she will incur costs (like time off from work) to travel with you. Again, there are many posts about allowance payments for trips, so please look them up.
Good luck with your adventures. Please return here often to let us know how you are doing, especially when things go wrong. We all learn more from failures than we do from success. So go learn, then pass on the lessons.
Life is good
The Cat
This is all good info.
It also means one has to go in with a different frame of mind and priorities: if it's real dating you want to find someone you enjoy spending time with so it's a different equation than the escort scene where a roll in the hay is top of mind.
That is correct. And that is the fundamental difference between hookers and sugar babies. You book a hooker to fuck and leave. You make an arrangement with an SB for dates that usually, if not always, include sex.
The difference between sugar dating and "civilian" dating is that in the sugar bowl both parties agree to a deeper level of transparency about what each person puts into the relationship and what they take out as well. Of course, some dating relationships, sugar and civilian, boil down to just booty calls, while others include companionship, bonding on many levels and romance-like activities.
Life is good
The Cat
Given the wide variety of things people are seeking on Seeking... some looking for PPM, some for allowances, some platonic seekers..
Would it be reasonable to assume that a few are really seeking just a relationship with a guy who is financially secure? Or are 99.5 percent looking for an envelope? Maybe I'm looking through rose-colored glasses but I do get that vibe from a few of the profiles.
Let's say a POT SB told you she was only willing to accept a platonic arrangement for $1,000 a month and sex will never be available.
Are you going to pay her ONLY to look good on your arm at a party, or to watch her eat a $60 ribeye you're paying for, or to video chat with you for 45 minutes every other Thursday at 4:00 pm?
If she really just wants a rich guy to hang with, but isn't interested in getting cash, there's lots of other places she can do that; find the bar where the athletes from the local pro sports team hang, go on Match, go to church in the affluent part of town, sign up for one of the "over 50" dating sites, get a receptionist job at a law firm or plastic surgeon's office, etc.
Yes, there MAY be the occasional POT who won't ask for cash - but my guess is that virtually all of those few aren't asking for money because they lack the social skills (or are too insecure to know how) to ask. So they just hope. And I'll further guess that those few will be rather reluctant to go BCD for a long, long time, if ever for the same reason.
Hint: You may be able to reduce the percentage of POT's with severe GPS by filtering for profiles that do NOT contain "Luxury Lifestyle." These tend to be (mostly) POT's who are not greedy little Divas and truly looking for more modest help with critical bills like rent. So I don't expect them to ask (as often) for stupid-expensive shit like $4K purses and a new BMW just because "I'm worth it, Daddy!"
Life is good
The Cat
What's interesting is they changed the name from SeekingArrangement to just Seeking.
And some of the girls seem to be just "seeking" a partner at least based on the profiles. Some want marriage or "platonic" relations. So a difficult sift through the profiles.
When FOSTA/SETSA passed, SA was terrified, for all the right reasons, that they would be shut down for apparently supporting prostitution. So they made drastic changes to their terms of use, as well as the site name (removing the word Arrangements) and marketing materials. Anything that could tend to imply any kind of sex for money concept was removed and relabeled. They also stepped up site activity monitoring to ensure that pics, profiles and messages between SD's and SB's do not contain quid pro quo references.
In using the site for 10+ years, I have never encountered a POT SB that did not wont, let alone refused, to get cash as part of an arrangement.
Life is good
The Cat
I did get kicked off SA when I suggested a meeting rate to a SB and she reported me. So you do have to be careful with some chicks how you mention the money.
... on the site. Don't even suggest it (ex: "I can help you with your bills"). Don't agree to it if asked. Don't try to be cute and offer non-monetary items in a quid pro quo format (ex: "I'll get you a new phone once we've had fun"). Instead, counter with something like "Let's connect by text so we talk in more detail about what each of expects on a date."
Then move the conversation off the site, so you can slowly approach the subject. Even then stay away from direct offers like "$300 every time we have sex." Only mention or agree to an amount in the context of what you two will do on a date.
Ex: "We can chill at my place and maybe grab some dinner. And then I'll suggest we have fun for a while before you head home. And I'm happy to help with your bills when we see each other, as well." So allowance is for the DATE, not for the SEX.
Life is good
The Cat
In other words, treat her like a date with a a girl that’s already got her hooks into you and is sticking her hand out with a kiss. 
I was on there for some time. I had a few girls I met with and had a lot of good luck. Most were really cool. Then had a very bad experience with a low life on there. So be careful.
Most of the girls verified were legit. Many of them had very unreasonable expectations. It’s a process to root out the legit ones.
The ones looking for platonic SdSb situations are usually up front. The last good one I had was Brazilian and she knew the deal. Was hot, fun and very down to earth. Then I came across a low life as I mentioned and was duped as I mentioned so keep your right up.
Still lurking but.. . I checked out Secret Beneftis for the first time .. wow, very different it seems from SA.
It seems like 90 percent of the girls are worn out or drugged out but couple of hot-hot-hotties who look very fresh (maybe too good). Very cool to see the verification videos, some of them show a completely different image of the girl (some are so horrible you wonder why they do the videos). The SA gals seem more glamorous but I would imagine many of the pics are old or touched up.
Yes! The verification videos are often very different than their glamor shots. For some reason most don't get all dolled up to make the video. It reminds me of those websites that do celebrities or porn stars without makeup. What a difference!
3) Do these girls generally understand that sex is expected, or do some of them actually think this could be a platonic/mentorship situation? It should be remembered that SA's policies have changed a lot in response to covid. While there have always been some delusional SBs who think a platonic arrangement will work, back in pre-covid days it was actually against SA's Terms of Use to ask for or offer an online only arrangement. You could be banned from the site for doing so. SA's policy assumed that a real, valid arrangement had to include meetups irl. Whether sex was involved was up to the participants of course, but meeting irl was essential. The term "online arrangement" was an oxymoron. However with covid they had to relax their rules and allow online arrangements. But please note, they still say never send money to anyone you haven't met and report anyone who asks for it. Most of the girls on SA understand that sex is expected, and most ore fine with that. But there are more now who think a platonic or online only setup is going to gain them tons of $$. So being more careful now is essential.
They do know that sex is expected, with a few exceptions, mostly among the college age gals who don't pay close attention to the website and are idiots who should be avoided.
You do need to do a first meet with coffee or lunch (or a nice dinner if you really want her to melt into your arms). Ask whether she would be comfortable with giving each other oral, but there is no easy way to ask about more sex. Older women - 23 to whenever - are mostly comfortable with this. However, that is mostly the equivalent of checking references with working gals.
The big difference is that they want it to be like real dating, but with older guys. This is fine with me, but it is real dating; lunch or dinner on the BCD dates is expected and you pay the hotel expenses. Taking her out to lunch or dinner is usually expected. Think of it like taking your next-door neighbor or her daughter out for a dirty date. You will know her forever so prepare for a lifelong relationship of one sort or another.
Op, So we can be rookies together lol. Fwiw, I started on Alt SB and moved to SA and boy was I glad I did.
There are def real girls on Alt SB - I met two already through M&G. However the problem is the business model will kill us. As HC said, you could blow through $250 (~1000 SB points) and only prescreen 50 girls, which means message them and look at their secret portfolio (20 points when you do both activities). On SA, esp when they run the discount, $80/ month allows you unlimited screening by messaging and secret portfolio so you just get more “screening hits,” which I mean those that get to text messaging to talk about going to a m&g.
So I’m pretty much abandoning putting more money into Alt SB, although I’ll leave the account going to see whom I might be missing. So far, I’m leaving a few older 20s and early 30s single moms with messages unread so I’m okay with that lol!
I've only looked at the "secret photos" on Secret Benefits twice. A waste. Just more tame pictures.
Which while doubling your "bang for your buck" on SB still can leave you with some very disappointing results.
I sprang for a 1000 credits some time back and even without spending anything extra to look at the secret albums I only ended up meeting two SB's from that site that I wouldn't have found on SA anyhow and only one of them ended up going BCD with me. That said, she and I have seen each other well over a dozen times and the sex is great, so I guess it wasn't a total waste of money although I think I had blown through about 900 of my 1,000 credits before finding her. lol
Speaking of leaving messages unread, I do the same with any POTs that don't really catch my eye. At this point I probably only respond to one in ten messages that I receive on that site.
-- Modified on 2/26/2021 8:02:30 PM
Good advice again. If I reup, I will stop looking at the secret photos.
If I convert the current Two POTS from alt SB I will have considered it a fair trade.