Some of you may have read my previous post about the power dynamic between myself and an FMTY SB. This post recaps the trip and lessons learned. It will also serve as a cautionary tale for padawans on this forum and for experienced SD's who may have been lulled into a false sense of trust and security.  

TRIGGER WARNING: This content will be painful to read at times. It will elicit reactions like "I told you so", "What the fuck were you thinking?", "I can't believe you did that", "Grow a fucking pair!", and "Why did you ignore our advice?". I  will humbly accept that feedback and resolve to be better next time.

As you may recall, I recently reconnected with my first ever SB after a gap of 7 years. We agreed to her flying cross-country to spend 5 days/4 nights with me. She asked for her entire allowance upfront via crypto or cashapp. I sent her 25% up front and told her the rest would be given to her in cash at the end of the trip.  After some bickering, she agreed.

SB is a musician who travels around the world playing electronic music festivals. She was playing a festival in Europe the week before our planned rendezvous. The plan was for her to return to her hometown in the United States on a ticket paid for by the festival promoter, rest up for a day, then catch the cross-country flight I bought for her. SB called me in a panic the day of her flight back to the US, said she overslept and missed the promoter's flight, and asked me to buy her a ticket back. I considered the money I had already advanced, the memories of our passionate and kinky love making 7 years ago, the memories of her intoxicating scent and wetness, and agreed to buy her ticket back. It cost $2.1K and the new flight arrived much later, cutting our time together by 12 hours.  

Additional demands ensued when she arrived. Shopping at Sephora, Victoria's Secret, beauty spa treatments to "look hotter for you." Pocket money to play blackjack at local casinos. The cost for these totaled $1.9K. What was I going to get in return? "I'll give you deep throat for an hour daddy". She never did. But the rest of the lovemaking and our time together was good enough that I didn't feel the need to demand she fulfill her promise.  

The last day started off great. I figured out crypto and sent her the remaining $3K allowance early in the morning. We had passionate morning sex with a CIP ending. She went to a salon to get her hair touched up and came back in a great mood.  

Things turned strange in the late afternoon. I woke up from a nap to find her pouting on the coach. I gave her a hug and asked what was up. She asked "why did you change the plan from cash to crypto without telling me?". I explained that I did it as surprise gift to her because she was initially reluctant to accept cash and had specifically asked for crypto. I had thought she would be happy and it sure seemed that way in the morning.  

Turns out that her rent is due on Monday July 1st. She had selected the ACH transfer method from her crypto exchange to her bank account. ACH takes 3 business days, making her 1 day late to pay her rent. I pointed out that she should have chosen the wire transfer option. Her eyes flashed with anger and she accused me of trying to make it her fault when it was actually my fault for not giving her cash that she could have deposited instantly.  

She asked me to wire her the rent money and that she would refund it when her crypto cash out funds arrived. I couldn't wire her rent money because I keep almost zero cash in my personal bank accounts due to the shitty interest they offer. VUSXX is my primary savings and it takes a couple business days to transfer funds to my checking account if I need them. I suggested calling her landlord and letting them know the ACH transfer situation. She got even angrier when she heard this and demanded I get a cash advance from my credit cards. She then stormed off into the bedroom and lay on the bed browsing her laptop.  

Disliking conflict, I decided to take a drive to clear my head. I had barely gone a block when she texted me saying she was disappointed I had driven off without telling her, that communication was key, and that she was going to leave and spend the night in a hotel because she felt unsafe. I explained I was on my way back, and asked her not to take such drastic action. It was too late, she had already packed her bags and was waiting for an Uber when I arrived. I attempted to reason with her, but didn't get anywhere. I was accused of being selfish, uncommunicative, unreliable, and uncaring. She proclaimed she would never speak to me again and took off in her Uber, not telling me which hotel she was staying in.

At first I thought what a crazy bitch. I'm dodging a bullet by her ending our relationship. As the night went on, I started missing her presence. I noticed she had left some clothes in my closet. That gave me the opening to text her and tell her I would mail the clothes to her home address. This led to some more text exchanges over a few hours where I apologized for making her late on rent (still not sure why it was my fault she didn't wire the funds, but hey) and asked what I could do to make it right. She said "If you wire me $2K additionally, I'll forgive you."  

I initiated a wire transfer from my business bank account to her at 6am the next morning (Friday). This was risky for me. I own the business but my finance staff will undoubtedly notice the transaction and ask me questions about it. Murphy's law then kicked in. The wire transfer didn't get posted to her account the same day like they usually do. I had to ask my bank to initiate a wire trace. She had to call her landlord and tell them she will be a day late to pay rent.

All this drama took a toll. She texted me a couple hours ago saying that the events of the last couple days were a wake up call for her. She no longer wants to be an SB and and instead wants to explore vanilla dating with men her age. But she wants to use my credit card to pay her Uber and food expenses for the next few days until the wire transfer and crypto cash out hit her bank account 🤣.  

I'm out $10K for the week when all expenses are added up. That's my play budget for 3 months. I'll be jerking off for 12 weeks.

Moral of the story: over-communicate, don't catch feels, and don't let your small head overrule your big head.

Just wow. You already understand how you f----- up many times over so no need to beat you up further. But what's concerning is that it sounds as though you will continue to pine for this woman (scammer) and she may very well succeed again in the future of taking advantage of you.

Sugaring has a learning curve.  Whether their experiences are good or bad, I've learned a lot from the gents in this forum.  So thanks for sharing what has to have been a very painful and expensive lesson.  Cautionary tales help us evolve the necessary defenses to becoming too emotionally involved.

So true.

If so, well crafted

If this actually happened, I honestly don’t know wtf to say

But you are the vulnerable type and will get taken to the cleaners again by another woman of this sort  

Think seriously about escorts my dude — they are different yes, but a lot cheaper bang for the buck for someone who can he emotionally manipulated

Seems like many of your unwise decisions as the encounter progressed were based on how much $ and energy you had already invested, instead of a more sober assessment of the immediate risk/reward situation.  Never let your "sunk costs" determine your next move!  There are many situations where the very wisest course of action is to quit and run.  It's easy for you to see the wisdom of this advice in retrospect, I imagine.  I'm sorry it was such an expensive hard earned lesson.  

As mentioned above, you already see your many errors.  I suggest you print out your post and tape it to your bathroom wall, your refrigerator, the back of your phone, and your desk - in large, bold, red type. Then read it several times a day for the rest of your life.  

 
Now on to better things.  Some thoughts to consider:  
1. All arrangements end. Some end amicably and leave the potential open for chance one-off reunions in the future. Some end poorly and require blocking of phone numbers and archiving any docs (with your attorney) that may be needed to defend your actions in court.  
2. Generally, I recommend that you never burn bridges.  If you part as friends, there is always the possibility of a future reunion or she may have a friend that needs help... But if you have been burned yourself, then cut the ropes and let that bridge fall into the chasm preventing any return.  
3. Akin to #1, people change over time.  Your biggest mistake was not the stupid money you pissed away, though holy fuck did you blow it there. No, your first and most significant error was not seeing that she had changed from the innocent, sweet, Daddy loving sex doll you knew in the past to the GPS, "men-are-pigs", rinser that gladly took your cash and knew exactly how to manipulate a lonely guy.   Once you convinced yourself (and I mean that, you did all the work for her) that you could go back to the old times, the hook was set, and you lost your ability to apply critical thinking to the situation.    
4., Finally, the good news:  
There will always be new SB's joining the site. Yes, we perceive an increasing mix of GPS, Robs, and other non-viable profiles. But the biological math remains true; there are at least 1,000 women turning 18 years of age EVERY day in EVERY state. More, as many as 5,000, in larger states. If only 1% of them join Seeking every month at 18-35 years old, that means you will have a fresh supply of new profiles to view forever.  Yes, it's cyclic, so some weeks there are more and some weeks less. No, no one here has decoded the cycle. But the fact remains, there will be new profiles.  

 
Finaly a more tactical point:  Cash is king. Cash is simple, easy to use and can't be tied back to you. And cash apps like CashApp and Zelle are easy and convenient, as long as you don't mind seeing the debit posted on your checking account statement.  However, crypto, wire transfers, cash advances on a credit card are all bad ideas. Fees, timing, electronic records and for very high amounts (over $10k) could spike unwanted attention from banks and regulators, or worse!  

 
Now couple this point with the idea that her urgency is not yours. A common tactic of ALL scammers (whether it's SB scams, elderly scams, cash transfers from foreign countries scams, Nigerian Princes scams, etc.) is that they create a false urgency to send the money NOW.  They want their victim to move quickly so that they do not have time to see the scam.  Her bullshit story about late rent was her method to create a false sense of urgency.  It's total bullshit. If you hadn't been in contact with her, or you had not agreed to send money, she would still have to pay rent. And there is no way she did not have funds on hand to do that. I guarantee that if you somehow got a look at her bank balances (yes, balanceS. She will have more than one account), you would see she had the funds needed to maintain her rent and monthly bills. After all, she had the flexibility to take several days off of work to see you, presumably giving up some other income opportunity.  

 
Now take a little time to let the foot up your ass heal, then start browsing profiles again, because...

 
Lif is good

 
The Cat

Couldn't agree more.  OPs name should be "The Fabulist"

💯 You nailed it as usual @herbcat.  

"your first and most significant error was not seeing that she had changed from the innocent, sweet, Daddy loving sex doll you knew in the past to the GPS, "men-are-pigs", rinser that gladly took your cash and knew exactly how to manipulate a lonely guy."

Herb, when faced with a situation like this, what tactics do you suggest to re-orient the relationship in my favor without burning bridges?

... if you qualify your objective to "re-orient the relationship in my favor" by "without burning bridges" you will always get burned yourself.  

 
In negotiating with SB's, or with anyone, your leverage is the ability to walk away.  As long as you are more willing to bail than she is if you don't get what you want/need, you will lose.  That's why you need to do a fair bit of analysis of what your budget, time and other resource availability is before you make contact. And then you need to do detailed scenario planning to map out all likely and unlikely response/decision paths so you can be prepared.  

 
Ex: She asks for $1000 plus airfare for a 3 day trip. You can:  
1. Agree,  
2. Counter with less cash, cheaper tickets, and/or more time, or
3. Decline and walk.  

So you offer $1000 plus airfare but request 5 days. She can:  
1. Accept,  
2. Counter with different (more beneficial) terms, or
3. Decline and walk.  

 
And so on, until both sides agree, or one or more sides bail out.  

 
As you plot different permutations of this flow, you can then add the triggers from your analysis that are either full "GO" or full "STOP." So if she agrees to 5 days but wants $3000 your budget analysis may tell you that is $500 over the maximum funds you are willing to allocate to this event. And so you either counter (if it makes sense to do so) or decline and walk.  

 
If this is starting to sound like a sales strategy seminar at a Fortune 100 company - well it is. This is how the high-dollar corporate jocks negotiate those multi-million (or billion) dollar deals.  

 
Throughout all of this, you must be willing to "burn that bridge" and walk away from a bad deal.  Why? Consider that if you eventually do agree to that bad deal, perhaps just because you are fixated on fucking THAT PARTICULAR SB, you will not be happy. In fact, you will be pissed at yourself and at her - which means you still end up with a burned bridge, but now it cost you thousands of dollars to set the flame and watch it burn.  

 
So to sum up: Stay nice, stay humble. But never let an SB assume that being nice equates to being weak.  Be prepared to offer only what makes sense to your wallet, schedule, and ego and to walk away if/when the deal strays beyond your pre-determined budget for any of these resources.  If she really wants a deal with you, she will find a way to get to yes within your terms... or she will go fuck some other guy with a bigger wallet and a smaller ego and will laugh all the way to bank about the simp she took for a ride.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

The analogy to corporate dealmaking is not a good one.  A much better analogy is a sports team negotiating with a free agent.  Think of yourself as a General Manager with certain needs and budget constraints due to a cap or a stingy owner.  If player A doesn't go with X amount for Y years, I'll go with player B if the terms are acceptable.  I treat every SB as a free agent.

Your reply is pure gold. I wish there was a way to PIN it as the top thread on the board.  

I'm going to print this out, frame it, and look at it every time I pine for her.

Thanks for suggesting an even better analogy.  

 
Now I'm going to re-watch all seasons of Arliss... I've fapped to Sandra Oh so many times (get a copy of "Dancing At the Blue Iguana" and "Sideways" - you will thank me), I can no longer walk through my local Asian Food Market without popping wood. If only she was providing - she'd be #1, #2, #3, and #4 on my bucket list!

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

The best comedy show of the 90s imo  

I recently rewatched it and realized it’s even better than Seinfeld but it never got the mainstream’s recognition given it was HBOs early prestige days

END OF MESSAGE

Thank you! This advice is gold.

Thank you for posting your story! It's easy to think with your small head and think of
the past that no longer exists. I am in some ways like you, preferring to avoid conflicts.
herbcat has a good point in that the most powerful weapon at our disposal is to
walk away.