I'm getting a lot of contacts from women in cities about 1-2 hours flight time away. When I comment on the distance between us I get some version of the old "distance doesn't matter when 2 people are in love" routine. So I know they are scammers of one sort or another. But it made me wonder if any of you have had successful long distance arrangements. I can imagine taking turns with an established SB every month, one person flying to the other's location for a get together. The key word is established. If you already know and trust each other, then it's simply a matter of arranging the logistics. But I can't imagine getting something like that started with a stranger. I'm always willing to drive to a cafe to meet someone and find out if we vibe. But not if airline travel, hotels, rental cars, etc are required. Have any of you had successful long distance arrangements, either short term or long, with someone you had never met before?
I would never pay for someone to fly in to see me if we had never met before. The only time I ever did something like this was meeting with a girl who was about 4.5 hours away. We had met before while she was in my city on business. (Like you said "established") I drove about 3 hours, she drove 1.5 and we met at a hotel I booked for us. We shopped around that town a bit and had good times in the room. I took the day off work and it was a mini vacation. We do this about once a year outside of business trips to each other's cities.
If they are only 2 hours away, driving to meet in the middle is not so hard to arrange. You could offer to pay her a travel stipend once you meet.
I have an upcoming business trip that is 2.5 hours from ANYTHING, I'm trying to arrange something while I'm there and it's turning out to be harder than I thought.
The closest ones I'm getting are a 5.5 to 7.5 hour drive away, so even splitting the distance is a big commit. Otoh, last year I did have one BCD session with a hottie who lived only 4.5 hours drive away. We had never met previously, but our text exchange was so hot and so explicit, I felt like she was serious about it and for real. We met in the middle at a hotel I had booked and had an overnight. Lots of fun! Minimal risk, even if she stood me up. But I don't think the risk would be worth it with plane fare, etc involved.
FHTY = Fly Her To You
Completely agree, the risks of flying a POT anywhere prior to not only meeting face-to-face, but prior to a satisfactory BCD are extremely high. From my experiences, even buying airfare for an existing SB has significant risk as well.
During the 9 years I lived in San Jose, CA I met POT's who lived in some of the locations I would visit often - specifically Los Angeles and San Diego. During that time, I paid for airfare to me in San Jose 4 times, 2 each with 2 SB's (not at the same time, sadly LOL). All of those went mostly* well... but to make the added effort worthwhile, I had them stay with me for 2-4 days, and we headed north for wine tasting bacchanals in Nappa and Sonoma. *Mostly = one of the SB's on her 2nd meeting, flaked and missed her flight. She was able to catch the same flight the next day, so we had to shorten the trip by one day.
When I moved back to LA, I met an SB that had moved to LA from Ontario, Canada. She ended up moving back to Ontario for a few months, then she wanted to return to LA. This turned into a total disaster, as I tried to make it work twice. The first time, I sent her cash to buy the ticket. But she stalled for a few days then admitted that she used the cash for some emergency (car?). After much apologizing and delay, she begged for forgiveness and asked to come see me for 4 days, staying at my place for an anything goes adventure. (BTW: 23 years old, blond, blue eyes, spinner body with C-cups, and vacuum skills that would put Dyson to shame.) Not willing to risk losing cash, I bought the ticket for her. No doubt, those of you who have some experience with Sugar travel can see this disaster warming up.....
I had her send me a pic of her passport, and I booked the trip 1 week out. Then sent her the e-ticket info by email. She confirmed she had the info, then confirmed again 2 days before, and once more the day before. But the day of the flight-radio silence. I could see her ticket status through the airline's app; she had checked in, and the fight took off on time. I went to the airport to meet her at baggage claim and monitored the flight. It landed, and I sent her a text to let her know where to meet me and I waited. And waited. The bags for her flight arrived at the carousel and I waited some more. And some more. I texted 3 times over 30 minutes with no reply. I KNOW she never got to Baggage Claim; it's a small airport and the claim area is maybe 200 feet by 60 feet. I was in the middle and could see the entrance for arriving passengers. Pissed off, I headed for my car and was able to repark where I could see the main terminal entrance. I waited some more.
After another 30 minutes, I spotted her near the entrance. I walked over to her, and she saw me. She met me a few yards past the door and looked panicked. She made up some excuse about her phone dying and told me her friend had flown with her and didn't know about her SB activity. She begged me to be patient and said I could pick her up tomorrow from her friend's hotel. She would make some excuse and slip away...
Now I was really pissed, but didn't really see any options. So told her ok and headed back to my car. But instead of leaving I stayed to watch the terminal entrance for a bit longer. Maybe 10 minutes later she emerged with her VERY MALE friend. They got a taxi and left the airport. I got on my airline app and cancelled her return flight and never contacted her again.
Having said all that, I can suggest one tactic that you might consider for agreeing to a Fly Her To You date: Have her pay for the ticket and you can reimburse in cash her when she sees you. That puts all the financial risk (if not the time risk) on her. She cannot steal cash that you have yet to give her.
The only other suggestion for this type of situation is not new: Multi-tasking. As I believe you have already done this, it's familiar to you. Pick a destination and schedule multiple M&Gs in the 2-4 days you will be there. That gives you at least one back up, maybe more. When I have done this in the past, I also pre-selected a few Pro's from TER as a Plan C option.
Finally, I'll remind us all that a video chat prior to local or distant travel can help reduce risk and improve confidence (but never 100%) in your POT.
Life is good
The Cat
I got on my airline app and cancelled her return flight and never contacted her again.
The Cat
There is only one way I would FHTMe, and that is to tell her to fly her pretty little self to me and trust me to reimburse her in cash.
Downside: Not many chicks will do this (and even if they want to, my not have the means). Too bad; missed opportunity.
Upside: Almost no chance of getting ripped off.
I've done this twice, if memory serves. Chick #1 was a nice Asian spinner from the midwest. She was an inexperienced SB and we had never met. She wanted to meet -- apparently badly -- so I told her the deal. She could fly herself to me in DC and we would spend two nights together. I had work meetings but otherwise the time was ours. I simply promised I'd reimburse her complete travel cost in cash at the end of our time together.
She agreed. Now, she had a well paying job. She'd never been to DC. Worst case for her was if I refused to reimburse. She still had a trip to a city she always wanted to visit, and her finances could handle it.
Chick #2 was a sweet AA spinner who had money of her own. We'd been on a couple dates. She really, really wanted to be in LA with me. Same deal. Fly her own ass there and I would reimburse all travel in cash. She did and we had awesome times. (Fun side story -- she wanted one final fuck so badly that it caused to her miss her flight home. She was able to get home on the next flight.)
There are lots of tantalizing chicks. But I am just not willing to risk any of them ripping me off on a FMTY. Therefore, my strict rules (fly yourself, trust Daddy to reimburse later in cash) are firm. I have too many other options that don't involve FMTY. And I like it when they prove they are trusting me.
Rockford
I agree that the option of her paying her own way and getting reimbursed sounds like the safest way to lower the risk. Otoh, I have accumulated a lot of free flyer miles on my SWA account. It wouldn't cost anything to arrange an airline ticket to fly her to me if she lived somewhere that SWA serviced. And if she stood me up, I'd do what Herb did and cancel her return flight! (good move there, btw!)
Yes, I totally respect canceling the return flight -- with extreme prejudice!
I think I should add that my decision to cancel her return flight is a significant exception to the "Never burn bridges" rule.
The Rule: Sometimes arrangements just don't work out, and SD and SB end up parting ways. Assigning blame or trying to find fault, in the absence of true malice, is generally a poor use of time and can lead an SD to try to "punish" the SB in various adverse ways: Blocking, reporting to the site, sending an angry or threatening message, blocking her contact paths, etc. - aka - Burning that bridge behind you
Instead, I suggest the SD uses the experience to learn and apply this new understanding to the next opportunity that comes along. There are two main drivers for this path:
1. It's entirely possible, and in my case, it's happened more than once, that sometime down the road she may reconnect. Maybe she's wants to try again after she's realized how to be a better SB. Maybe she just needs some short-term help and is asking you for a one-off. Maybe after she's met several other SD's she realized that you were actually the (near) Unicorn SD that she really wants. Or maybe she's just going to be in your area and wants to hook up for old times' sake. Finally, maybe she has a friend who's looking and she offers to connect you to her.
2. Scorched Earth goes two ways. She may decide to retaliate in her own ways and could cause you a lot of (at the least) inconvenience along the way, particularly if your Sugaring is done UTR. You can generally avoid that by making the breakup as amicable as possible.
Now, there is a critical exception that happens when the SB has been bad actor (as opposed to a poor performer, to put this into "Corporate HR" speak). In my story above, she was more than disorganized and careless. She was deceptive specifically in how and why she wanted my money. Now let's be clear: Once I give my SB cash, I don't care what she does with it. It's her money. I also don't care if (and I actually expect that) she is fucking one or more other guys. I will never offer enough allowance to an SB to expect exclusivity, nor will I offer to be exclusive to her. So, I have no right or expectation that I alone will be leaving a few tablespoons of DNA in her various cavities.
BUT: As our old Patriarch GaGambler used to say:
"I will beg for pussy, and I will pay for pussy,
but I will never beg to pay for pussy!"
When I realized she was using MY money to fund her sexual adventures with some rando asshat dude from her hometown, that crossed the line into "begging to pay for pussy." I have talked about this with a different SB who asked me to fund a trip to Vegas to attend a professional trade show but was really going to there to hook up with a guy.
Once I see this type of abusive behavior, I burn that bridge, and every other road, avenue, path and lane I can find. So, I have no guilt about stepping out of my nice guy space and possibly "stranding" her in LA. The lesson she should (but won't) learn is that my being nice should not be misconstrued as being weak.
Life is good
The Cat
Very well said Herbcat! I agree entirely. Leave the door open unless there has been abusive or harmful behavior on her part. I would add to this to not jump to conclusions about her behavior on why a POT has not reciprocated or continued contact on your advances or she has ended the arrangement with little notice. There are often many reasons for this behavior that has nothing to do with you. Allow her the space and freedom to make her own decisions even if they appear to be wrong to you. I believe that keeping the door open for all the reasons Herb has indicated is the best policy in most cases.
As I responded last time you posted this, the only real issue is cost.
You're a big boy and will know how to handle the tickets, etc to avoid scammers.
But in fact the tickets are trivial...it's the hotel and other 'entertainment' costs that easily drive the cost to double or triple anything you will experience locally.
No.
Fly to Her if enamored, but have backup options in case she flakes.