When my #1 asked about my plans for the night, I told her straight up that I was seeing a peer who I had connected with from a different dating site. It seems to me that almost all of us, if we develop a SB relationship that entails multiple visits per week, are goming to run across such a situation. You either choose to lie, and wall off your other activities, or it comes out that you are seeing someone else too, either an SB or a civie. Lord knows, I don't want to tell my SB I am seeing an escort, but I thankfully am unlikely to be in that position (well, I have been in that "position", with a favorite escort earlier this year, but I recently pulled the plug at the 11th hour on a new one I thought I was dying to see, once I figured that I'm fucking pretty damn well as it is).

The issue of jealousy did indeed come up, as well as exclusivity. My SB seems to understand  and accept that I enjoy the company of a peer; she encouraged me to see her. OTOH, she seemed less interested in me seeing other SBs, and I did tell her that I have deactivated my SA account given that I have no interest in new SBs. I have infrequent meetings with another existing SB, however, that I shall simply try to keep UTR. My #1 is eager to think that she shall remain my one and only SB, and that does seem to go to Herb's point. I have told her that I deplore double-standards, so if she feels like it, she should go out with other guys. She is, of course, too busy, especially as a DI athlete in season, and doesn't want to "date", which has exclusive and time consuming connotations to her. That's why she did SA. But she told me that if she wanted to "make out" with somebody, she would. If they hook up, well, I've done the same, so there . . . keeping my own jealousy in check could be hard, because I let myself have feelings for this woman. But I would have to.

My #1 is not that interested in talking about her past sex life, what with at least two "serious" boyfriends she slept with in the last three to four years; or talking about my sex life. She has only briefly touched on her two former SDs, one of whom she indicated was good but not great. (She only got on SA in summer 2017, as I recall, so had some experience in the fall, before we met up in January this year. Isn't into discussing SA, is obviously as newbie, and never made an ask as to the arrangement's comp, though she quickly asked to meet at least once a week, if not twice.) Clearly, we are in new territory for her, and it is challenging in that she does not have much skill or experience in talking about her feelings. My sense is that most of the young 20-somethings I have seen were like this. Sweetman's experience is wonderful in that he opens up his women to such expansive awareness of themselves and others.  

It is gratifying that my SB does allow "nobody's ever fucked me like you do".  When she writes "I want to play", it's going to be good! Those two lines are enough for me, lol.   In summing up, I guess my experience straddles the lines between those of Herb and Sweet. I am pretty "situational" about most things, and would respond according to whatever opening the SB was indicating about her interest and desire to talk about our outside sex lives and SA in general.

-- Modified on 3/31/2018 12:40:17 PM

That's the key, isn't it, sweetman?  Whatever works for you.  
.
There are, I think, two key differences in our situations that can explain the opposing approaches. You are marred while I am not, and you are poly and while I certainly believe in the core concept of polyamory that one's love (or in our case lust) cannot be diminished by or limited to one person, I characterize myself as more of a hedonist (i.e.: whore. .  
.
Add to that my preference for SB's who tend to act girlfreind-ish with me (as opposed to 100% of time together BCD) and I think our styles make sense within each context. You, poly, have unlimted capacity to love (lust) others and you and your wife acheive a highg degree of compersion from seeing each other be happy. I, hedonisitc, just want to bang as many hot chicks as I can as many times as I want for as long as I want.  
.
And to your point of discussing other sexual experiences with an SB, I also find that many are interested in my experieces fucking women all over the world (I've been to 29 countries). But I generally frame those as "past" experiences, not about the hot Asian spinner who last week slept at my place, left at 6 am to go to work, came back to my place at 3 pm to fuck, took a nap and fucked me again at 7 pm, then blew me in the shower the next morning before she got on a plane to go back to the Philipines for 6 months.  
.
So:  
Talking about past sexual experiences - yes.  
Talking about concurrent sexual experiences - no.  
Talking about using SA now to get another (in her eyes replacement) SB - no.  
.
Note: If I'm honest with you and with myself, I'll admit that I am leery of the potential for these discussions to morph into comparisons of her versus a different woman I've fucked or am fucking, and even worse, comparisons of ME and other guys she's fucked or is fucking. Call it my own insecurity complex, but I really don't want to hear about the guy with the 12 inch personality that banged her for 3 hours straight and got her off a couple of dozen times. Oh, I get lots of feedback that I can lick pussy better than the top 1% of the population (it's good to be a one-percenter!), but at my age and my rather doughy physical shape, I'm a one and done in under and hour type of guy.