Dear SlantedSicko,

You don't have to apologize for having an alias...after all, I have one too!

As to your phantasies, it is very good that you are aware of the issue and that you recognize their seduction and at the same time their potential for abuse. That is one good first step! It shows that you are not psychotic or thought-disordered, which is very positive.

Ok, now my opinion: I don't think you should seek out a "general" provider for this type of experience. It's not because I have a moral problem about it - after all, consenting adults should engage in whatever they like, in their own private environment.

My concern is more that specifically a "generalist" provider may find herself performing more "extreme" activities not because she really wants to, but because she is desperate, feels pressure to perform or is otherwise ignorant of any psychological sequelae that may ensue. The situation would be analogous to asking a "vanilla" provider to engage in BDSM. She may like it..or then again, she may decompensate completely, which would not be a good experience for either one of you.

Now as to the "professionals," that's a different story. I urge you to do your research in this case. Make sure that these people who offer the service do not misrepresent themselves; that they have some experience in "directing the traffic" [despite your phantasy as the one in charge]; and that they are prepared for any "contingencies" that may arise. You also want to protect yourself from any legal or medical issue that may arise from heavy duty activities. Remember that the human body can react very unpredictably in the face of stress or trauma...and that goes for participants on both sides of the fence! Best to be guided in this case by those who are in the know. Many in the professional BDSM community have taken great pains [egads, a pun, LOL] to distance themselves from unscrupulous or incompetent practitioners, and it is my hope that you will find the same in those who cater to your particular predilection.

You haven't provided me with more detailed information, so I can't make a determination as to therapy or not. In general, I would suggest that if these phantasies consume the greater part of the day, or, if these phantasies become directed at the general public, or even providers who clearly are not engaging in these activities, then you may want to enter therapy to process your compulsions and your ideations. It is when thoughts lead to unwanted behavior that we need to watch out.

Finally, I urge you to be very careful and vigilant if you choose to retain the services of the "fantasy professionals" you describe. You'll need to keep your big head screwed on straight. If the environment in which these games are performed seems seedy or bizarre, PLEASE LEAVE. Also, if the professionals themselves seem intoxicated or affected by drugs, just get out of there. Boundaries and discipline are good words when it comes to doing anything that carries a potential element of both agony and ecstacy.

Let us know how it goes,
the Love Goddess



-- Modified on 3/9/2007 2:43:32 PM

When I used to spend more time trolling the free porno boards (I don't anymore because I spend so much time on this and other hobbyist boards.) I would find myself facinated by some sites that featured "rough sex" movies.

I spoke about this to one long term favorite provider and she was interested enough to consider a situation where I would tie her up using nylons to the post of a four corner bed, spread eagle, and then use a knife to cut off her clothing slowly and methodically while she was gagged and then rape her, so to speak.

I've also entertained fantasies of me being raped by a gang of women.

We never did end up doing it, but I'd still consider it.

Obviously out of the confines of consenting adults, rape is an abomination; but within the confines of our fantasies, it is something to consider.

I ended up getting interested in rape fantasies because my wife had one.  So we worked out a scenario where I would pretend to be a rapist breaking into the house.  Even wore a stocking over my face for a better sense of realism.  She knew it was going to happen but not the exact time and I think I ended up waking her when I finally did break in and grab her.  The whole idea was to restrain her physically and then tie her to the posts on the bed.
Well the first bad thing that happened was she struggled so fiercely I was having trouble restraining her.  She accidently kneed me in the groin which caused a reschedule.  We further discussed and tried again about a week later.  She did struggle but allowed me to tie her up.  As I started to tease her and cut her clothes off, she managed to yank one of her arms free.  I retied  and started again.  Then one of the feet came loose.  I instantly regretted never being a boy scout.  As I started to get frustrated with this, my wife started laughing... end of that session.  We finally got it right the third time out, but I was so excited I climaxed about 30 seconds OR LESS after penetration.  Very frustrating for the both of us.