OK guys, I'm going to reprint an email I received from a good friend of mine this morning.  Read it, then I'll make some comments.  Here goes:

"So I just got back home from a very fucked up night. She and I had been planning to meet since 10pm, she was coming to my place for the first time. Just like her she keeps pushing it further and further back. Finally at 1am I'm at her place, we're naked chatting and her front door opens up, she scrambles telling me to hide in the closet, I grab my clothes, wallet, phone, dress in a hurry as I hear footsteps coming up the steps... I hear yelling, and a big guy comes into the closet yelling at me and immediately throwing punches. Thank god I wrestled in high school, it all came back and then next thing I know I'm taking down some guy MUCH bigger than me, grab his back, and a little jiu jitsu later I've got him in a choke hold. She's yelling, he's yelling, trying to pry my fingers off, I'm telling him to calm down. Finally, my mistake, I let him go because he says he's calm, I should have choked him out and left. He runs downstairs, I ask her if he's got guns, right as I hear him chambering a round and up the stairs he comes pointing at me.

VERY scary moment, I play it off as though I had no idea he was in the picture, which isn't untrue. Tell him, I've been hanging out with her for a few months, and there was never a mention of him at all, I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time. He's yelling at me to get the fuck out of his house, all this shit is happening at the speed of light, I'm grabbing my stuff, heading downstairs and he's kicking me in the back and punching me in the back of the head. Somewhere in there he kneed me in the face and pushed me on the bed and held the gun to my head.. Got the hell out of there. She's texting me that he head butted her and all sorts of shit I didn't want to hear. Luckily I had been using that burner app and wiped all the info off my phone, told her to delete any messages from me she had. Wow what a messed up night. I think I seriously need to take a big break from the sugar and hobby world for awhile... The total bill for the evening; $300, a bloody nose, some scrapes and bruises, and a lost pair of glasses.."

When I read this of course my first reaction was thank god my friend got out in one piece.  But seriously, what risks are we taking in this activity?  It's a subject I've thought about previously.  I ask my SBs about their relationship and dating history, just to see what they will say.  On a few occasions I've asked point blank whether she's got a jealous violent ex bf I need to worry about.  I know for a fact that my most recent SB has an ex bf who disapproves of her lifestyle choices and still has a key to her apartment!

So how can we minimize this risk?  Here's my ideas but I'd really like to know your suggestions.  If a girl invites you over to her place, don't go.  Really, don't go.  Maybe after you know her very well it would be ok, but I'd want to know who has, or has ever had, a key to the place. How recently has she changed the locks?  Better yet, don't go. Should you invite her over to your place?  Assuming your domestic situation would even allow that, do you really want her to know where you live?  Who might she tell?  Best bet is to meet her in an anonymous venue like a hotel room, or as I like to do, in my RV which can be moved to different spots.  

Anyway, my friend's experience has shaken me up a bit, no lie.  I'm going to be even more cautious in the future

END OF MESSAGE

She is super hot but 33 years younger. She sent me a picture from a family camping trip. Holy shit. She has a whole bunch of cousins that look like bad ass gangstas. I think if they found out this old white guy was bangin their cousin I'd be toast.

END OF MESSAGE

Gotta do your research, keep your head in the game and look for warning signs, a neutral playing field is best, and don't leave a paper trail.  

This bitch knew she was putting the guy in danger.

Guys an idiot and he's lucky he didn't get his ass capped....but then again, the story reads like bullshit...But are some that dumb??...I guess so.
And then you have a guy banging some chick, in the kids bedroom while the husband's at work...wow. What could possibly go wrong.

I'm not surprised you jumped to that conclusion, but here's some more facts. My friend is an experienced and cautious guy.  He told me in a later email that he'd been to her place before and looked around carefully for any telltale signs of other people in the apartment and found none.  No men's clothing, no kids clothing, no  other toothbrushes in the bathroom.  The general atmosphere was tidy and with those nice feminine touches like scented candles that you'd expect in a single girl's apartment.  So I don't believe he was foolishly ignoring evidence that he should have noticed.

Sorry to be ignorant.  What's a R.O.B.?  Urban Dictionary didn't know nor do I.

END OF MESSAGE

It never hurts to be a bit prudent in these matters. This frightening scenario--whether true or not--can happen with a new girlfriend or an SB. It's probably wise to stick to a neutral site like a hotel to throw off a potentially angry or nosy husband or boyfriend.

Not that I would do something like that....But she's coming to his place at 10pm, then he ends up at her place at 1am probably after trying to get ahold of her and losing his patience, he said,"fuck it I'm, going over there"....Now that to me is a sign of one dumb fuck, to just go over there looking for tail....sorry to say.
But there's probably more to it but that's my take.....or maybe it was her "other" client.

I have been with a provider with someone banging on the door (maybe more than once), in a hotel room when someone who had a key let himself in while I had my pants down (probably a pimp, though she denied it), and had housekeeping try to let themselves in. Fire alarms. hotel security knocking on the door, etc. Shit happens, and if you do this enough it will happen to you. If the story is true, it is a nightmare, but seriously it is more fucked up, awful luck than anything else. We all do this because we are letting the little head think for the big head (if you want to stay really safe, you don't do it). That can get you in trouble.

You can get blackmailed either because you don't want anyone to know, or because she claims to be pregnant with your kid, you can get threatened by the current/past SO or husband, or by some random person. You can get an STD. I am sure I am missing some other stuff, if anyone wants to add it. Yes, I suppose you can be stupid, ignore signs, go places you shouldn't go at times you should not be there. Sure, you can handle a confrontation some other way than to fucking grovel and get the fuck out of there. Or you could go back after things start to look ugly. But mostly you have to be very unlucky in the first place. And the only way you can avoid the really tiny chance of being very unlucky is to not do it.

My two cents, anyway. Maybe you think you are so smart and have such a good system that you can guarantee no bad shit will happen to you, but I doubt you are right.

BTW, I use Sideline - much better than a burner.

zig

I've played in this shit, be it SB/SD or hookerville and I have NEVER had a pimp bang on my door, and once did I have the alarms and security knock on my door, but that was on me...dam candles. And once did I have a maid walk in on us, but she didn't try to kick my ass....so I've done this more then enough without a scratch...So why does this shit happens to you, duhh let me see...Cuse you're fucking the wrong BP chicks street skanks.
And the other stuff, blackmail, STD,being threaten and all the other shit that you can possibly think of that could happen is a you problem if it gets there...So if some of this shit happens to you, then you really don't know what you're doing or like you said, "thinking with the little head".
Not smarter, just wiser so I'll take my way over yours..anytime.

Hey, that was me!  LOL!  Seriously though, I was long gone before the husband got off work.  

Trust me...I checked everything out before I met up with her.  I brought up her house on google earth (no neighbors for a mile), checked out her employment history and criminal background check, etc.   Checked out her facebook page.  I knew a lot about her before I ever saw her.

It's  true, she knew.alouth my friend is still beating himslf up for being stupid about the entire situation, she knew.

Ziggy I agree with your basic premise that there's no such thing as safe sex. Other than abstinence, ther e will always be some risk.  What we all want though is to learn how to practice safer sex and minimize the risks which can be minimized.

Did I hit a nerve there? Suddenly you are accusing me of all sorts of ugly crap just because I said there are risks here and no matter what you do they are real and if you are unlucky enough some of those bad things can happen to you? Ouch, man.

If you think that the only way bad shit can happen to someone in this game is if they are dumb, you have not been paying close attention. Sure, after the fact you can always figure out a way you could have avoided getting into that situation, but there are such things as bad luck, and beautiful, sexy, but crazy or dumb women, or both. But, sure, in your world those things only happen on BP and with street skanks, so if you just avoid that it can't happen to you.

Enjoy

zig