Alas, youngrepublican,

She IS doing this for the money. So you can't "force" any type of enjoyment of her situation. Now, you are not exactly explaining what it is she does. Does "pleasing" mean being very active in bed, while the other one lies passively enjoying? If that's the case, then maybe she is getting busy in bed because she doesn't really enjoy receiving? In order to receive, you have to give up control, and she may not want to do that. Many "pleasers" are under the guise of being generous toward the other person, when in fact they do want to control the goings-on. Can't say I blame her - she is a professional. Maybe she doesn't want to let go with you - maybe she has a lover or a boyfriend with whom she just lies back and lets him [or her, you never know] take total control and she just becomes a mass of quivering jelly?

How do you bring up your issue? Gently but forthrightly. One great aspect in all this is what you wrote in your next-to-last paragraph: "Whether I finish or not isn't all that important to me." That's stellar, and you should inform her of that. It will take the pressure off her to "perform." In fact, the whole paragraph is great. Tell her just that, and she may feel so relieved that you could see a totally different side of her.  But do it right before you're about to have sex and do it with plenty of hugging and kissing.

It could work out,
The Love Goddess

Is to let her PLEASE you.

Not unintuitively, but somewhat ironically, I have found that that is the best way to please this (former, crypto-) pleaser.

LG,

I have been seeing my ATF for a number of years, and occasionally we have a situation that happens where I think both of us may be a little shy to speak up.  

I am a pleaser - at least I try to be. I'd like to think the lady is enjoying herself, whether she orgasms or not. When I am with another lady whom I don't know very well, she may be faking some things with me, and I just don't know. Thats okay. They make it about me, and I enjoy myself, and I usually finish.

However, I prefer to be with my ATF (obviously). She knows me very well, and I know her. We are both pleasers. Knowing her as well as I do, though, sometimes I can sense when she's doing things more to please me, rather than enjoying things herself as well. When that happens, I don't enjoy it as much. I know part of that is because she feels she owes me that because of the envelope.

Whether I finish or not isn't all that important to me, however. If this situation occurs, I'd rather we addressed it, and did something different: sit in the hot tub and talk, kiss, touch, etc. I enjoy being with this woman for many reasons, which is why she is my ATF.

So when I feel she's doing things just for me, and not really enjoying it herself, how do I bring it up?

Good points.  I like doing things that please her as well, but I don't expect her to come every time. Over the years, it has evolved to companionship. Yes, I am paying her. Yes, I am a client. But as far as pleasing the client - I don't always have to come, either. She pleases me in many other ways, too!

I know, it sounds cliche. We have a good friendship and connection in every area, except here occasionally.

Don't get me wrong. I know what this is - it's pay to play, and when this happens, it's when I can feel that part of it. But as you did, can't we just call a spade a spade, and not make it feel like she HAS to do anything special to please me? Let's just do things we both enjoy, and believe me, I'll go away smiling.

Now you seem to be a man that I would love to meet.  I am glad that you posted here and NOT on the general board as you would have been torn apart by the more, shall we say, aggressive males for not manning up and pounding the living daylights out of her and who cares about her...you paid..yada yada yada. That's fine too if thats what they want. But you want what you want and that is what you should get.

This hobby is not done one way.  there is room for you and me and all the others who like what they like or don't like. You are a refreshing breath of air on a somewhat humid board. Thank you for your perspective.

I took her over to a park.  "What are you doing?" she asked.

"What I probably should have done last time," I answered.

We walked around the trails, and I explained how she doesn't have to try to make me come.  And we had a long, wonderful conversation.  There were some laughs and some tears, and our friendship deepened.

Yes, many would call me stupid for paying for that. However, we both left completely fulfilled...and THAT is what I'm here for.

Now, just imagine the next time we're together.

She's not your friggin girlfriend!
Remember the 4 F's,
1)find her
2)feel her
3)fuck her
4)forget her
If your looking for anything else in this hobby,your setting yourself up for heartache!
Take it from someone who knows!

Now that's one smart man right there. And don't take any notice if any smart ass decides to knock you for doing what you wanted with your time and your money. Good for you!!!!

Most of this stuff is not that subtle, and one of the joys of the hobby is that it is even less subtle than civvie sex. If she does not like what you are doing, she tells you. If it is okay, she accepts it, and if it is better than okay, she will encourage you to keep doing it.

Sure, there will be times when she is pretending to like something to please you, but part of the deal is that you are obliged to appreciate and accept that performance. After all, she is putting on that show just for you. Providers are performers, very accomplished performers in many cases, and we are each an audience of one, so applaud the performer.

Don't get me wrong, I love to talk, and I love to "open up" and have others open up for me. But if I want to find out what someone really likes, I try to let them lead and see where they take me. "I feel like trying something new today, got any ideas?" beats the hell out of the slightly insecure and needy "I get the feeling you do not like XXXXX," or some variation on that. And it gives you the option of coming back to XXXX if you really like it.

I have a provider who is fast becoming an ATF and the muscles on the inside of her thighs spasm a little when I do certain things to her, which feels nice and is just so charming, I love it. It also is so subtle that I do not believe she is doing it as part of a performance, though I know I could be wrong (she is very good, and part of what makes her good is that she makes it all seem so real). Anyway, I do not need a word to know whether or not she is enjoying something - that twitch tells me. Everyone has a tell like that - pay attention and you will find it, no discussion needed. And if you both end up sweaty, quivering and with stupid grins on your faces, it went just fine, whether all your techniques were perfect or not.

I think I may put that on a T shirt - Let's get sweaty, quivering and with stupid grins. Not too subtle?

Zig