Part 1:  

Grab a beer and some popcorn. This will be an unavoidably long read:  

 
Ok, I will admit it. It's time to face the facts... even now, after all these years and all these SB's, I can still fuck up. I can still let my little head override my big head and I make mistakes. It happens. Fortunately, despite all my errors, I still count this as a sort-of BCD win, even if I'm regretting (almost) every moment and every dollar.  

 
After leaving my Seeking profile hidden for 2 months, with a wonderfully stocked rotation, I decided to take a peek at the current market. I flipped my profile to live at 9:30 am on a Thursday and sat back to watch the Views, Favorites, and (hopefully legit) messages roll in. I was not disappointed with the volume, though the quality was predictably fraught with the usual mix of South American, mid-30's Asian (i.e. Pig Butcher), and non-local (i.e.: at least a 40-minute drive) POT's. Over the next 4 hours I saw activity from no less than 20 profiles.  Not bad, huh? Except after sorting through and rejecting all the major Red Flags, there were only 3 left that I deemed viable.  

 
At the top of the list was, let's call her Pinky. Brunette, 24, slim and natural, pretty face, pics were slutty hot without being too Instagram-ish and her profile text was ok; looking for fun, nothing serious, mutual benefits, etc., etc.  She messaged me and asked if I wanted to meet. We exchanged numbers and that's when it started to go weird.  I told her my approximate location and noted that her profile had her in Napa, but said she was visiting LA. I asked her if she was staying nearby.  She asked me if I could pick her up at the Airport today. So I thought she must be texting from an incoming plane, and I asked her what airport and when she was landing.  It took her a few minutes to reply that she was at LAX (that's a 40-minute drive, but traffic would be light at this time). I told her I could pick her up, but we would need to discuss details and expectations before I would agree to the drive.    

 
After some back and forth, we settled on $400 for BB BCD with CI*-wherever I want. I agreed and was about to leave the house when she asked me if I could buy her a return ticket to Napa (would have to be SFO, of course). I looked at her pics again - very hot - and told her I would look at air fare and let her know.  Well, Southwest fares, usually the lowest, were crap for the same day. Over $300 one-way.  But I found a United flight that was more reasonable around $175. I would need her real info to book, of course. So I told her we would book the flight when we got back to my place.  

 
Question for the readers:  How many of you are reaching for a brick right now with the intention of beating me over the head with it?   All of you? Too bad you weren't there at the time!  

 
I asked her what baggage claim gate she was near... she called me.  I quickly realized she had no idea where she was beyond LAX, as she started asking people nearby what door and level she was at.  She sounded, maybe high, or just a bit air-headed. I wasn't sure.  But that fact that I was talking to her made me think at least she wasn't a Romanian scammer catfish.  Off to the car and heading south to LAX for me.  When I was about 5 minutes out, I called again and let her know what kind of car I was driving. She told me how she was dressed and what her bag looked like, and that she was outside the door.  

 
I spotted her and waved her over.  She got in and we headed away towards my place.  Now settle in, folks because it just gets crazier from here.  The first thing I noticed was that her profile pics were definitely her, but they were nor recent. I asked her if was 24, as noted in her profile. She seemed exasperated when she told me Seeking wouldn't let her correct it to her real age - 34. She confirmed she did have two kids, aged 6 and 8. But they were home with Grandma. Fortunately, she appeared to still have a banging slim body. No sign of a fluffy tummy or saggy boobs under her tight top and jeans. We kept chatting, and after a bit she asked if she could stay the night and take a flight out the next morning. That's what my intellectual brain heard. But all my dinosaur hindbrain heard was we can fuck all night if you want, and I'll give you a farewell BJ in the morning before you put me in an Uber to Burbank airport (which is much closer than LAX).  My hindbrain accepted so quickly, my other rational brain didn't even get a chance to tell me what an absolutely stupid I ideas that was.  

Continued with Part 2.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Continued from Part 1:  

 
Part 2:  

 
Now I mentioned I thought she may be high. Well, she told me she has severe flight anxiety and has a prescription from her doctor (maybe Valium, Vicodin?). She had taken one earlier and that was why she seemed out of it. I realized I would have to wait for her meds to wear off before we got busy with BCD.   Ok, arrived at my place and suggested she take a brief nap to get over her meds. Well apparently "brief" equals 4 hours. She was out like a light in my spare bedroom.  When she finally awoke, I had her sit with me by my PC to book her flight home. Of course, by this time, that affordable air fare was gone. The best alternative was an 11:00 pm redeye flight out of LAX. She said she actually liked that as she could go see her friend "nearby" before she headed home. Seat purchased with her real-life info.  

 
Now, finally, on to the BCD. I had already showered and she took one as well.  When she came into my bedroom, I saw it... it shouldn't have been surprising, but I had assumed she was the type of single mother who worked hard after childbirth to get her banging body back. And she was. She was still slim, but the boobs were flat and saggy, and she appeared to have a relief map of the Santa Monica mountains where her flat stomach used to be. At this point, there was no turning back. I dimmed the lights and prepared for whatever would happen.  Fortunately, her head game was on point; good suction, enthusiastic slurping sounds, lots of eye contact and asking Daddy if he liked his little slut to go deeper and harder.  I had her mount reverse cowgirl I had a good time working reasonably tight pocket her from behind. I finished up inside her. I keep fresh toothbrushes, toothpaste, and clean hairbrushes, along various women's products in one side of my bathroom cabinet and she was invited to use whatever she needed to clean up. After finishing in the bathroom, she went back to the spare room and decided to reorganize her suitcase and carry on bags so she could travel lighter. She also asked to borrow a charger and phone cable. That whole process took 3 hours.  

 
By that time I wasn't "up" for more fun, so I just went to bed. In the morning, she asked me if she could leave her suitcase at my place while she visited her friend. WHY THE FUCK I SAID YES will remain as one life's biggest unsolved mysteries for the next millennium. I reminded her that she would need to be back at my place by 8:00 pm to ensure her Uber to LA would arrive on time for her flight.  She called an Uber and was out my door around 9:00 am.  Plenty of time to do whatever and return?  Say it with me, friends: "Nope. Not gonna work that way!"  

 
I texted her once or twice in the early afternoon to check in. No response. Sent another text at 6:00 pm that she needed to head back to me now. No response. I called. No answer and I left a voice mail.    

 
At 8:45 pm she texted me that she was ready for me to call her an Uber. I asked where she was and she gave me the name of some business I had never heard of.  Had to Google it to find out she was 3/4 of the way to LAX. At that time, it would take an Uber at least 45 minutes to get her to my place to get her bag. And it would take another hour to get her to the airport. She would miss her flight.  

 
Pissed, but still a simp... er... I mean gentleman. I knew I would have to take her bag to her and then drive her to LAX. If I made good time, I would get her to the gate with 45 minutes to spare. I grabbed her bags and got in the car.  Traffic to Downtown LA wasn't too bad. I found her and she got in. Then off to the airport. BUT. Here's what I missed. It was late Friday evening, and at LAX that means the roads into the terminal will be slammed with drivers coming to pick up family arriving on late night flights.  We got within 2 miles when traffic just stopped in the tunnel that leads to Arrivals. Dead stopped. We crept forward inches at a time.  

 
It was infuriating! Why the fuck had she been so irresponsible?  Oh yeah.. she's a single mother, weed vaping SB. Duh! Now as you probably know, I am typically not the guy who uses defamatory labels and demeaning language to talk about SB's. I am the guy who always calls out that these are real people with real lives just trying to do their best and hopefully learning some wisdom and life skills from all of us older gents.  But this bish? Fugettabout it!  Although I seriously pissed and would have gleefully left her stranded in the city, I just could not be that kind of asshole. Plus as I had her bags, I was quite worried that if I didn't get her ass on that plane she would end up back at my place for the night, and I would have to buy another plane ticket.  

 

Miraculously, we made it to her departing door with 15 minutes to spare. I had already had her check in online. I told her to grab her bags and run, and I could see her dashing into the door as I drove away.  

 

I finally got home a little after midnight and went to bed, hoping my stress would fade with sleep.   When I woke up the next morning, I checked the spare bedroom. Had to make the bed, tidy up and found she had left some makeup items under the blanket.  I went to my guest bathroom to throw them away and, WTF? She had stolen the two scented candles that my #1 SB had given to me as a gift. Damn. Now I have to come up with some lame excuses...  

 
Lessons learned?  None. Except maybe this: Don't forget to follow all the lessons you've already learned!  You learned them for a good reason. So follow them, dammit!  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Is sometimes hard for the limbic brain to resist. Don't beat yourself up,  the small head sometimes takes over when you least expect it. I'm sorry that you had to go through this, and I have full confidence you shall recover in style.  

I commend you for being a gentleman to the SB. She gave you enough reasons not to be.

We all have those, WTF was I thinking moments.....

Wow Herb! Even the master himself can slip and fall on his own banana peel! This ordeal sounds like a true nightmare. My heart goes out to you and am so sorry you went through this. I personally think I would have bailed as soon as I knew there was travel involved. 'Same Day Sex' is also a big red flag. If someone is willing to agree to fuck you without even meeting you then you are in hooker territory, not sugaring, IMHO. Also, when you are dealing with flights, ubers and all the variables that can go wrong with such, it's better to pass. It's also comforting to know a person with as much experience as yourself [to our benefit, as your tips and views are helpful to all of us] can still end up making wrong decisions based on the false information the little head is feeding the big head. The coupe de grace though was that she stole your candles! If it wasn't so sad it would be funny! What kind of person would steal someone's candles? Herb, you have all our sympathy here in the Forum. I've done some pretty silly things to in pursuit of the poon, as we all have. Our reptilian brains are hardwired for humping. Reason and logic somehow end up taking a backseat. This is a cautionary tale I will always remember! Thanks for sharing! PS: This is what you get for trying to break Sweetman's record!      

It's annoying that the only way to get some pussy is by dealing with the crazy females who possess them.  But that's the cosmic joke this particular universe has played on us.  We all get to deal with it!  Do yourself a favor and think of your batting average analogy.  This one was a rare strike out (foul ball??)  for you, so you can be proud of your general level of success!  Thanks for sharing the story!

@ herbcat Thank you for sharing your story! FWIW, I lost more money than you to a rinser. About 8k during a 2 month period including allowance, dining, traveling. She played dumb and pretend she just need to look pretty and get the money for free. she was a hot 20 y.o. redhead. I specifically took her for a weekend getaway so we can be in the same hotel room, sleeping in the same bed. Long story short, no BCD whatsover! I am dumber than you! Don't feel so bad.

That's a hella entertaining story, HTC. Thanks for sharing it because we all need to be bucked up from our own ... occasional stupid choices.

 
I've never lost candles, but let me bullet point some of my own bad decisions and situations.

 
* Literally waited outside a Motel 6 in Denver for *three+ hours,* after midnight, waiting for a girl to show up. I probably texted ten times with no response. (I was much younger then.)

 
* Welcomed into my hotel the chick who was obviously drunk. She wanted more and I ordered it from room service. She asked for "the money" and I gave it to her. She literally smelled it and said how good money smells. Room service didn't deliver the booze immediately so she insisted on going down to the fancy hotel bar, which I didn't want to do since she was a one-woman drama show. I told her we should just wait for room service and she got aggressive. Then she said I was "scaring her" and threatened to scream at the top of her lungs. I let her leave and she pranced down the hallway hollering, "I've got your money!"

 
* Chick in Vegas. (I know; I was much younger.) White girl picked me up from the floor of the casino. I woke to the sound of my hotel door closing. She was gone from my bed. I checked my bag and, sure enough, she stole $1,300 from my bag. I opened the door and looked down the hall, but too late. Perhaps as some gesture of twisted goodwill, she left me a single $50 Grant. Honor among thieves, I guess.

 
* Another chick in Vegas, AA petite. Streetwalker along the Strip made the little head pound. (Any lessons yet?) We agreed to all details, but after a BJ w/o finish, she declared she was done. I protested, but of course she had my money. I told her it wasn't cool to leave without finishing. She sat in my big chair, texting. She said, "I'm texting my people." WTF does that mean? It can't be good. At the opportune moment, I literally ripped my cash from her hands. (When I say ripped, I mean the tactile act. I ripped the actual paper bills she was holding and photographing for "her people.") At the same moment I snatched her phone from her hands, went to the door, and tossed her phone into the hallway. I have to the tell you, the best way to get a chick to exit your room is to throw her phone outside the door. She will follow it instantly. Chick gone, door closed, torn money in hand (and my torn part was spendable because she didn't grab enough of it). These years later, I don't think it's a good idea to escalate anything that might come to the attention of Vegas hotel security.

 
* 18yo Chicago chick. Super hot AA petite. She wanted the money up front but I showed her the money and laid it aside in plain sight. We settled in for a blowjob, but she wouldn't remove any of her clothes. I asked her to strip down to bra and panties. She wouldn't do it and I got wise that she was going to dash. I got up and took up my money and told her to leave, over her protestations. She left. She begged and begged via text to return. She admitted she intended to steal from me. Still, she was so fucking hot that I told her to come back. I made her tell me she would be a good girl and do whatever I said. She came back and I made her strip down to nothing at the door, and bring her clothes to me. I stuck her clothes in a drawer. We proceeded amorously. I asked if I could photograph. She said no and I said fair enough. We finished in a super hot 69 and I thought this girl might be redeemable. I gave her her allowance and her clothes. Before I could invite her back she texted me for money to compensate for her pics being "online." I never took her pics but she assumed the pics of her online must have come from me because I asked if I could take her pics. Stupid girl; we never met again and she almost ripped me off. Seeing her again would have been dumb anyway.

 
I'm sure I'm forgetting other stories where the little head ruled the big head. But these come to mind. Thankfully none of them were fatal. Thanks for sharing your amazing story, HTC.  

 
Rockford

Rockford I have similar stories, almost all of them bad hooker experiences. I've tried many hookers and the greater proportion of them I've met are just plain crazy. I don't know if it's that crazy chicks are attracted to the profession, or if the profession drives them to become that way. I'm done with hookers, way too many issues. In comparison, sugaring comes with its share of frustrations and rip-offs, but I've found the dynamic to be, for the most part, very reliable and fun. One could argue that SB's are one step removed from hookers, but at least the real, honest ones [SB's] I've had experience with have been reasonably sane and generally deliver a high quality experience at a reasonable price.    

@ adnonis48 " I don't know if it's that crazy chicks are attracted to the profession, or if the profession drives them to become that way. "

It's the chicken and egg problem LOL

Rock, your stories illustrate one of the best arguments for decriminalizing.  

 
Thanks for sharing the pain, even when some of it was self-inflicted.  

 
BTW: I'm sure you now know that hotel room safes are your best friend when inviting a stranger to your room. What about rooms with no safe? I found a nifty lockable bag that can be cabled to a room fixture. Take a look on Amazon for "pacsafe" these are a mongers' best friend, especially when staying at lower-end hotels. (Link below)

 
Life is good

 
The Cat