I'm in my late 30's and have always been quite shy. As a result, even though I'm married, my sexual experience has been pretty vanilla.  
 
I thought that hobbying might help me get more comfortable about sex and expand my repertoire, yet I have had trouble finding good experiences.

So far, I have seen several ladies for FBSM sessions as a way of getting my feet wet. I tell the providers in the initial emails that I'm a pretty shy guy and want them to take the lead.  Still, I always seem to walk away somewhat disappointed in the experience because I'm never sure about what to expect or what I'm allowed to do.  I feel like the lady is bored and going through the motions, I leave thinking I could just  have the same fun watching porn and servicing myself without spending any money.    

Before moving on to a GFE type session, I wanted to get some advice about how to make the session better. I'm not an aggressive type, so I look for the lady to initiate things.  I think I need to find the type of provider who will really take the lead and help me out, tech me some new things and help me through my inhibitions.

Any words of wisdom?

Dear TestTheWaters,

It should come as no surprise to those who are familiar with my advice-giving that I am no fan of FBSM, and a big fan of pricey, well-reviewed, stunning and sophisticated providers - for multiple hour blowout sessions . After all, you wouldn't go to Target to get merchandise from Saks Fifth Avenue, would you?

I'm so crazy that I believe you get what you pay for. If you book an entire evening with a well-reviewed, worldly, elegant LADY, there's no way that she will ignore your caveat about being a shy guy and wanting some direction. She will do exactly what you have requested - she'll teach you and she'll make sure you know what you're doing before the evening is over. Another avenue is to book with a porn star if you really want to learn some new tricks. Of course that's not cheap either, but again, if you want an expert, that's what you may have to do.

My caveat to you is that if you are a shy guy and do not EMPHASIZE that you want to learn something new, there may be some loss in transmission and therefore communication. You may think that you're stating your case, while the lady hears something completely different - or nothing at all.  Sometimes these things are not so well translated in an email, but rather need to be discussed in person. And that's where I think that a sophisticated and experienced provider will be much more solicitous of your request - particularly if it's at least a 2 hour appointment that allows for relaxation, a slow initiation, some fireworks and then a nice cooldown with maybe a second go around involving more invention and possibly gymnastics.

Just my opinion,
The Love Goddess

I think tantra would be perfect for you if you are into massage in the first place.

Many tantra will do a whole range of erotic services, but they are often very empathetic and therefore concentrate on drawing you out and into the erotic encounter in a way that will help your self-esteem.

Below is a site where you can contact tantricas all over the country and it has a lot of source material about tantra.

Read it and see if it sounds right for you.

I agree that the communication must be clear and should be discussed in person.  From there we diverge.

Should you ever make it to Seattle or Portland please keep in mind that I have a 50% discount for women with my Sensual Healing (FBSM structured) sessions.  It seems as if you have no idea just how incredible sensual bodywork can be and ooooh... if I ever had the chance to show you...!  ; )

There are many of us who are not one-hour jack shack practitioners, who are erotic educators and  sensual artists.  Please don't lump us all into the class of "Target."  If the OP enjoys the bodywork perhaps he would find wonders in stepping up the quality of practitioner he has been seeing via recommendations and better research through the reviews.  Even better, there are sensual artists who cross into provider territory and can be a great cross-over for someone who is dipping his toes into the water...

Thank you for your consideration.

-- Modified on 5/14/2010 10:04:47 PM

The lovely Miss Sola Love (who I have been [not so] quietly lusting after for 5 years), that posted a reply to Dr Goddess, is on the goddesstemple site. *grin*

Maybe there is something to be said for that sensual body work.  *wink*

and since I know Sola and several other gals on that site so well, I can personally attest to the effectiveness of their ministrations.

Post a message on your local board asking for recommends! Say what you're looking for. Plenty of us share your temperament.

-tessen

I sympathize...  after some mistakes, I found a FMSM practitioner who enjoys her work & allows "extras".  As such we evolved over a year or so to a FS situation.  You have got to learn to be assertive.  Read the reviews & see ladies who allow more extras.  If you read her reviews, you'll know what is allowed!  
I enjoy FBSM but it is basically selfish, all about MY pleasure.  Sometimes I'll put a hand or leg to the edge of the table.  I will whisper "I like to feel your essance" (really just her warmth & softness.  Alternatively, I may start by whispering can I touch you, or can I kiss your xxxxxxs.  Without being seriously pushy, a woman will guide you where she's comfortable going.  But you have to start.  Don't wait until the session is almost over!

I've never told this to anyone before but you need to step up enough for her to guide your forward.  
skb

Read SolaLove's reviews - find a way to see her.